Saturday, February 4, 2012

My conversations with HER - Part 6

My conversations with HER - Part 6 – Written on 5th November 2011

Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu

(Cont) - The happenings upto June 2011:

I had found the Devipuram website and had been 'googling' info about Guru Amritananda....I was reading any & all articles related to Guruji....The FAQs on keeping a meru at home  so clearly answered all my questions....I quote from that website:

"Do I harm if pujas are not done properly to me? Do I harm myself? I am the whole of cosmos. Out of the billions of galaxies, if in one of them, in a medium size galaxy, in an average star you call sun, in the tiniest speck called earth, in one life form out of billions, in one miniscule slot of time called a day out of infinite cycles of time called kalpas, if one person does remember me or not, is it going to effect me in any way? What an idea! That I should harm you if you don't do puja! I could be least bothered!"

I thought "SHE talks to Guruji and what crystal clear answers SHE gives him!.....LALITHA won't YOU talk to me too??"....I realized two main things on reading the above paragraph
  1. Earth is a tiny speck compared to the whole of cosmos
  2. SHE doesn't care if I do puja or not....I need HER....SHE doesn't need me....
{As I type this:  If I thought I needed HER in June 2011, why did I say I didn't need HER during my Viraja homa sankalpa?? Because Arjunaacharya of Meppad temple had stepped in, to do the Varahi kola mukhi homam on 4th August 2011...And what was my personal sankalpa for this homam??
Amma, please guide me on the path towards the Higher Truth. I’m ignorant of what THAT is and seek your guidance. I’ve been ignorant for these many lifetimes and these many years and am finally trying to wake up from this slumber of ignorance to reach the Divine. I’ve read that when one surrenders to you, you destroy the evil forces that obstruct the devotee’s progress and ultimately lead the devotees to Sri Vidya. Please, please stay with me forever and guide me. I surrender to you.
I also take this opportunity to convey my pranams to Devi Lalitha Parameswari. Wise men say that you as Varahi and Lalitha Parameswari are one and the same. When learned men have no words to describe you, how can I, an ignorant fool, even attempt it? All I can do is humbly request you to please, please stay with me forever and guide me. I helplessly surrender to you.

And THAT Higher Truth is BRAHMAN who I knew "theoretically" but was yet to practically experience IT.....But WHO nevertherless took the form of my Guruji, who I met online on 7th August 2011.......Thank YOU BRAHMAN for also coming into my life in the form of Arjunaacharya of Meppad temple.}

Before I go on, let me tell you about one advise that my father gave me long ago.

When I was in my 3rd or final year of engineering college in Chennai, India ,like the usual college girl, I was at the last minute preparing for my exam. I think the subject was thermal engineering or some other such complex subject, my father gave me one advise.....He said, "When you are reading it for the 1st time, just read it all, even if you don't understand it....It'll come back to you when you read it again for the 2nd time".....I can't remember if I followed his advise then, but I follow it now when I read spiritual books/articles.......Sometime in October 2006, I had asked my parents to send me these 2 books - The Eight Upanishads with the Commentary of Sankaracarya, Vol. I & Vol 2 by Swami Gambhirananda.....As I started to read the book, I told my atma/soul "Listen to what I'm about to read...Surely YOU've heard it before...My mind may not understand but YOU do.."

I can't exactly recall when, but sometime between Navarathri 2010 and June 2011, when 'researching about Srichakra', I had come across various articles -
 Dattatreya Jayanti, Astavakra GitaAvadhoota GitaTripura Rahasya, Yogini Tantra, Gandharva Tantra, Yogini Hridaya, Shri puja Lalitha Tripura SundariMaha Shodha Nyasa etc......I read through most of the parts, of the above sites.....I understood perhaps less than 0.1% of what I read, but I just read them all....I thought, "Maybe IF I read them again later, I'll understand them a little better...Meanwhile let my atma/soul remember WHO IT IS".....But one thing that really struck me was about Dattatreya - that HE had learnt from whatever source it came from {HIS 24 gurus} and I told HIM "Please Dattatreya, teach me to be like YOU, to learn from my surroundings"

{Day 1 of the online Srividya class, when I looked at the guru parampara pictures --- on Siddha guru Swaprakasananda's picture, I saw Dattatreya's picture at the top left corner and SHE said: Didn't you ask HIM to guide you?

As I type this:

SHE: Don't you remember what Dr. Pillai's name was before he took his official name of Dr. Baskaran Pillai? { I can't find that link now as Dr. Pillai's website has changed in the last several months}   

Me: Dattatreya Shiva Baba !.....According to naadi leaves {ancient leaves}, my Agastiar {Dr. Pillai} was also Dattatreya in another lifetime.

SHE: What did Dr. Pillai say his reason was to go by his official name?

Me: That there were 99.9999% of the people who were not able to relate to HIM because of his "Dattatreya Shiva Baba" name and all those people need to be saved too......All those people need to be awakened too...

SHE: Didn't Guruji tell you the same thing too during your first online class?? That HE was bringing the Kaula marga path of Srividya to all?? To the 99.9999% of the people?

Me: Wasn't it after doing the Dattatreya abhisekam at the St. Louis Hindu Temple in December 2010, that I came across Dr. Pillai's website??}

June 14th 2011 - My 33rd birthday

On this day, I had requested for the Siddha blessing ritual at the San Diego's Pillai retreat center. This was the 2nd time I was having the ritual done { first time was sometime in Feb 2011}.....What's a Siddha blessing??.....
It is an abishekam performed to four boulders on the San Diego retreat center that Dr. Pillai has identified as embodying the energy of four Siddhas: AgastiarKagabujandarBhogar and Vishvamitra.

Another thing that I was looking forward to, on my birthday was for some sign that Mahaavatar Babaji had listened to my request.....You see sometime during November - December 2010, I happened to read the book called "Autobiography of an Yogi" --- an excellent book about the experience of Paramahamsa Yogananda....That evening, a thought came to me, " Lahiri Mahasaya found his Guru Mahaavatar Babaji when he was 33 years old....I'll be 33 years old in June 2011.....O Mahaavatar Babaji, will you lead me to my Guru when I too am 33 years old??".....I was awaiting to see if anything, something MAGICAL would happen on that day and nothing did....I thought "Mahaavatar Babaji must have forgotten my request or HE doesn't exist....But surely HE does exist, as Paramahamsa Yogananda was real & he lived just a 100 or so years ago.....Where are you my Guru?? How much longer is the wait??? "

{As I type the above:

SHE: What do you think Mahaavatar Babaji was doing on that day if not sending you blessings through the four Siddhas?

Just 3 days ago, I checked my laptop and I realized that it was on 25th May 2011 that I first downloaded the Panchadasi mantra { It was named 'Kundalini" file, so I didn't know it was Panchadasi until I downloaded it from website......At that time, I didn't realize it, but Guruji had already come into my life....I hadn't yet realized that HE is my Guru.. }

Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu.