Saturday, February 4, 2012

My conversations with HER - Part 14

My conversations with HER - Part 14  – Written on 21st November 2011:

Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu

As I read & re-read the past writings, I'm amazed at how things have turned out....Maybe it was because of the "deadly-combination" of
  1. Having Guruji in my life, which is a miracle by itself..
  2. Having put BRAHMAN in-charge of my life during the Viraja homa sankalpa
  3. Just doing what-ever I felt like doing, knowing that BRAHMAN is there to take the 'blame' and 'credit' for my actions...
  4. Being blessed with 'selective amnesia'.

I'm reminded of exactly what I told Lord Yama during my Deva Tharpanam:

"Dear Yama deva, please don't be angry with me that I'm asking everyone to merge into BRAHMAN.....Please don't be angry that the hells will be empty and YOU will have nothing to do...YOU know in this 21st century, in the corporate world, one is given a certain amount of "vacation days"......Please, why don't YOU take a vacation for a while?......Maybe YOU can contemplate on BRAHMAN YOURSELF......I am 33 years old and maybe might live upto a 100 years.....That's another 67 more years on the earth plane = 67 days in YOUR world.....I don't know if people will continue to do tharpanams like this after I'm dead.....So, maybe all that is needed is for YOU to take a vacation for 67 days i.e if I live upto a 100 years......Won't YOU please do that??....If there is such a thing as hell, won't YOU please give ALL it's occupants a chance to merge into BRAHMAN?....I'm not joking Yama deva, I'm asking YOU, begging YOU..."

As I wonder, why I should write down all my experiences, especially the "what-appears-to-be-silly" part of my actions

SHE: Two reasons why...
  1.  Weren't you the one who wanted to know the behind-the-scene-actions of people before they were enlightened?
  2.  Just checking to see if you still have an ego or if you can accept even the 'what-seemed-like-silly" part of your actions...

Now, how does one respond to those reasons, except perhaps tell HER that if I do have an ego now, it is HER doing, HER ego !!!

Varalakshmi Vratham - August 2011

This vratham is something that I started doing after my marriage, as it's not observed in my parent's tradition but only done in my in-law's tradition...This year, as I was about to start the vratham, I was reminded of the 'drawing' of Srichakra that I had....Guruji was yet to teach us how to draw the 'complete Srichakra' and I had the 'incomplete drawing' of Srichakra (without the 8 & 16 petalled lotus and outer square enclosure) that I had drawn, by following the directions in the powerpoint document that aacharya had sent me last year.....So, I kept that 'incomplete drawing' of Srichakra and said "Sri Lakshmi, I don't know where YOU are in the Srichakra but I know that YOU are there somewhere in it.....So, where-ever YOU are in it, please accept this Varalakshmi vratham prayer"......I don't think I had a specific prayer to ask HER, especially not after being told about my 'ashudha bhakti', so I didn't ask HER for anything.

At the end of the vratham, as I was getting ready to go to work, I had my favorite CD playing in the background - Sacred chants- volume 5 ....This was a CD that I had since the year 2005 or 2006 and there were just 3 songs in the CD that I listen to very often - the 1st, 2nd and 5th song....The CD was playing as I was finishing-up my morning work and then the song "Bhavani Ashtakam" started playing.....The song went straight into my soul and I stood rooted-to-the-ground listening to the song....I thought "Who are YOU Bhavani, what could the song mean and why is it so mesmerizing ??....Is this why they call Sanskrit the 'language of the gods'....What do those words mean & why does it melt-my-heart??".......I've had this CD since the last 5 to 6 years and I don't think I've ever listened to this song before.....I listened to it again, again & again......That evening I 'googed' the song to see if I could find the exact meaning and also found it on YouTube. The video of the song made me think "Oh Bhavani is the same as Durga Devi".....But the meaning of the song was what I liked the best and I thought "Shankaracharya, you atleast knew Bhavani....I don't know even that.....All that I know is that SHE is some form of Devi, some form of BRAHMAN"

The song also made me realize what a 'beggar' I've been....I've always had a list of things to ask GOD....In this lifetime, never once in the last 33 years have I prayed to GOD just to make HIM/HER happy.....It has always been,"GOD, can you please give me "A,B & C" and when I got "A,B&C", it was "Thank you GOD for giving me "A,B&C", now can you please give me "D,E,F&G" ".......How selfish I've been...

I listened to this song as often as possible & there were nights when I've let the song play on 'repeat' mode and stopped it only on waking up in the morning.

Sometime during this month, I wondered "I've learnt from so many different sources...It's after receiving the Maha-deeksha from the Oneness University in 2006, that I'm able to atleast watch-my-thoughts for a few minutes......The various books and articles that I've read, I've benefited from those as well.....Will Guruji be upset with me, given that I've had so many different sources to teach me??.....

SHE: How did you describe Guruji when you sent that email to Dr. Pillai?

Me: When I had emailed a copy of the Srichakra drawing to Dr. Pillai, in addition to thanking him for his teachings/mantras, I had said "I have, after almost searching for eternity, finally found my Guru. And he taught me how to draw SriChakra & had asked us to give it to people as a token of gratitude.... "Who's your Guru?" you may ask. It's BRAHMAN ITSELF in the form of Guru Amritananda of Devipuram, India."

SHE: When you described your Guruji as BRAHMAN ITSELF, is there a form as to how this BRAHMAN should appear??.....All are, but IT'S forms..

{As I type this:

SHE: Didn't you also ask Dattatreya to teach you to be like HIM??....So that you too can learn from your environment?  }

11th September 2011 - Basic 5.2 of the online Srividya class offered by Devipuram

Guruji taught us the MahaGanapathy yantra puja and this was to be the last online class offered...Guruji also said that it was a 'happy co-incidence' that it happened to be the last day of "Ganapathy nimajjanam".....He told us that hereafter, each week, there would be materials posted on the Devipuram website and we were free to learn at-our-pace....

Guruji, there was one thing that you said that deeply sunk into me.....You said you were bringing Devipuram to us......BRINGING DEVIPURAM TO US.....And I thought "How confident must Guruji be, to say something like that....How absolutely sure he must be, to say that SHE was always with us, to say that HE was always with us.".... And then as simple-as-that, it came to me "My Guruji is a Brahmarishi...He has realized the Oneness of it all"

BRAHMAN was in-charge of my life and I did whatever meditations/prayers that "I" could do.....My early mornings were jam-packed with all the things that I was learning:

My own little prayers - few minutes
Prana Prathistapana mantra - 4 to 5 minutes
Khadgamala stotram - 10 minutes
Viraja homa - 20 minutes
Yoga nidra meditation - 20 minutes

And before I knew it, one hour was gone....There were times when I drew the Srichakra {with the Panchadasi mantra playing in the background} instead of doing the Yoga nidra meditation....There was absolutely no time to get it all done....And I thought "That website, the one who wrote that article, he was not joking......It really takes from daybreak to nightfall to do ALL these pujas and prayers !!!"

The only time I had, to do the MahaGanapathy yantra puja was in the weekends....The only time I had to listen to the "Kundalini mp3" audio [Panchadasi audio] was in the evening as I was preparing dinner....I thought "When I had all the time in the world, I was not able to chant the Panchadasi because it didn't come from "a guru" and now, when it did come from my Guruji, I have no time to chant it....What an irony"......I then remembered that someone had asked Guruji if it was ok to share these mantras with others and Guruji had said "Yes, but sometime in your lifetime, it would be good if you come & take a personal deeksha from me.".....So, I thought I'll just let the mp3 audio play in the background & maybe my husband & son can meet Guruji in India next month & all of us can take a personal deeksha from him...

I don't think I've ever waited so eagerly for anything.....I was so eager to go & meet Guruji....One more month to go...

The next few weeks of 'offline' Srividya class had information on how to do the Navagraha japa and the Rashmimala stotra ....As I listened to the Rashmimala stotra mp3, I wondered "How am I ever going to memorize all these??...I have such an horrible memory....Maybe once the 44 days of the present Viraja homa/Ganapathy tharpanam is over, I can begin to learn it"...The next day morning as I wokeup, in addition to saying

Good morning BRAHMAN
Good morning Guruji Amritananda of Devipuram
Good morning Guruamma Annapoornaamba of Devipuram
Good morning Siddha Guru Swaprakasananda of Anakapalli
Good morning Divya Guru Bala Tripurasundari 

I thought of the Rashmimala stotra mp3 audio and all that I remembered was "MahaGanapathy is present in the Mooladhara chakra and Varahi at the eyebrow chakra".....I didn't want to wait for a few weeks/months until I learnt the complete stotra and then chant it in the morning.....So, I thought "Surely all the GODS & GODDESS must be aware of the happenings in this 21st century....Okay....Now listen, all the GODS & GODDESS whose mantra comprise the Rashmimala Stotra, I may not know the exact words/mantras in the Rashmimala stotra, but surely YOU know it and YOU also know exactly where YOU are present in my body.....You see in this 21st century, when one goes to a restaurant, there are 2 options of "service" to choose from - the standard service where the waiter serves you and the buffet service where you serve yourselves....All of YOU GODS & GODDESS are used to the "standard service" where a Srividya upasaka thinks of YOU, invites/invokes YOU and chants YOUR respective mantras......But YOU see, since I'm not yet able to do that, I'm using the other buffet-service-type-of-prayer......Since I'm yet to learn and memorize the Rashmimala stotra, all that I can say right now is the word "Rashmimala stotra" and it's upto ALL of YOU to imagine the words/mantras etc that comprise this stotram....Okay??.....God helps those who help themselves, right??......Please help YOURSELVES to this Rashmimala stotra....Afterall, if the very purpose of the Rashmimala stotra is to think of YOU ALL, then I'm doing it, right???.....Even though I don't yet know exactly WHO ALL are 'included' in this Rashmimala stotra"

{Note to my dear Guruji: Oh Guruji, how innocently did you say "The GODDESS loves fun"....Well, here's another proof.....See what SHE made me think.....See what SHE made me do....It was all HER doing...}

And thereafter, in the morning, as I wokeup, I thought:

Good morning BRAHMAN
Good morning Guruji Amritananda of Devipuram
Good morning Guruamma Annapoornaamba of Devipuram
Good morning Siddha Guru Swaprakasananda of Anakapalli
Good morning Divya Guru Bala Tripurasundari 
Rashmimala stotra

Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu