Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu
It wasn't until end of December 2011 that it fully struck me.....
So, Lalitha Tripura Sundari = THAT all pervading consciousness = BRAHMAN
I choose to call THAT all pervading consciousness as BRAHMAN........When I say Lalithamba, I automatically think of HER form and when I say/think of BRAHMAN, my mind is blank.....And in reality, there really isn't a difference between the two, isn't it?
In the last few months, as I contemplate these revelations, there are a few things that stand out:
- I personally met Guruji and He blessed me with the Maha Sodasi mantra
- I emailed Arjunaarcharya and asked him "Is the Meppad Sampradaya anyway related to Adi Shankaracharya?". Arjunaacharya's response - Yes
- The "inner chatter" has subsided.....The silence within is deeply felt.
- As questions arise, answers are revealed ---- Sometimes immediately, sometimes in a week or two or three
There is also a strong inner urge to share these writings with the world, to "make-public" these writings....As I watch my thoughts:
- BRAHMAN, why do YOU want me to share these writings with everyone? I have no desire to end up as "another picture on the wall" or "another idol in a temple".
- When the very purpose of your birth is to complete your work and talk about advaita, how are you going to do it, if not by sharing these writings?
- BRAHMAN, why didn't YOU let Adi Shankaracharya complete the work? When Adi Shankara can break-free-of-the-rules of society to perform the last rites of His mother, why couldn't He also not preach to women??.....Take it however YOU want it to be --- YOU have failed to convince me/ YOU have failed to convince YOURSELF/ I have failed to convince mySELF.
After almost a week or two later, as-simple-as-that
- When you were pregnant, why did you choose a lady gynecologist?
- Because given a choice, I was comfortable with a lady doctor.
- When you, a so-called 21st century, western-educated woman chose a lady doctor, how do you expect women of the-then society to accept the preachings of a sanyasi, especially to questions relating to women praying during their monthly periods?
- Adi Shankara may not have specifically addressed women because in His role as a sanyasin, there were certain limitations. You as a Grihasta, will be able to do it...All along Adi Shankara did talk about BRAHMAN, didn't He?......Weren't women automatically included in IT?
- Does it mean that I will have to "re-do" it all? I don't even know Sanskrit....How do YOU expect me to comment on His works?
- Language is just a means-to-an-end and not the end by itself...You are not here to "re-do" anything....The journey continues where you left-off.
It took almost a week for it to strike me
- BRAHMAN, if YOU really wanted, YOU could have made me choose a guy doctor as my gynecologist, couldn't YOU?
Initially I shared these writings with some of my immediate family members….Why? Because it was a "test" for mySELF......To see if IT can handle the questions that might comeup...My husband, though he knew my spiritual journey in-brief was initially upset/angry....He had asked me
He: What kind of a woman are you to give up your husband and son? Even if I don't take you giving me up seriously, how can you do that to Pranav?
I may have mentally renounced attachments to my husband and son, but SHE has given them both back to me -- intact, as HER prasadam [ i.e purified by association with HER]....In the past, I didn't really look at them as 'forms of BRAHMAN' and now I do......And I am now practically following that thing that Bhagavat Gita talks about : One who sees inaction in action, and action in inaction, is intelligent among wo/men, and s/he is in the transcendental position, although engaged in all sorts of activities.
A few days later, as I still hesitate to share these writings, my thoughts:
- BRAHAMN, do YOU know what YOU are asking me to do? It's similar to YOU asking me to jump out of an airplane without a parachute, with the sole belief that YOU will protect me.
- Is your belief strong enough for you to do that?
- Wrong question BRAHMAN.....The correct question YOU should ask is "Have I given you enough belief for you to do that?"......Why do YOU continue to put the blame on me?.....Can I do anything if it is not YOUR WILL?
- When you can correct yourSELF, isn't this good enough for you?
- If your Guruji had hesitated, would He have offered the online Srividya class?
- If your Guruji had hesitated, would you have received the Maha Sodasi mantra?
- Have you still not learnt to fully trust yourSELF?
- If I still haven't learnt to do so, isn't that also because of YOU BRAHMAN? When the Kena Upanishads talk about how even a blade of grass is not able to move without YOUR WILL, how can I do anything, if it isn't YOUR WILL?
- When you can answer your own questions, can you not answer other's question?
- Remember that question that you had asked?
Flashback on that question that I had asked [ My conversations with HER - Part 22]
How do YOU expect me to trust YOU?....How can I believe that YOU won't cause obstacles for me?
- During early November 2011, did you not chant the Maha Sodasi Mantra on a rudhraksha mala and give deeksha "not just to MOTHER EARTH but the entire COSMOS"?
- According to your initial assumption, does it not mean that the entire cosmos, after receiving the deeksha is at the (n-1)th stage ---- just 1 step away from merging into their SELF ?
- How will the people know that they are at the (n-1)th stage if you don't share these writings?
- Why can't YOU tell them YOURSELF?....Why can't YOU prick YOURSELF --- the people's consciousness?
- Before the online Srividya class was introduced, how many times did I bring the Panchadasi mantra into your life?....Why didn't you chant it?
- Because I was told that it was supposed to come from a Guru.
- Won't people still think the same way?....Won't they still be in ignorance and refuse to follow their conscious because they don't have the correct information? Because you hesitate to tell them that the entire COSMOS has indeed received the Maha Sodasi mantra deeksha?
- Don't you think the mantras work?
- Ofcourse I do....If not, can I observe these thoughts in me?....Even HDTV is not such crystal-clear.
- When you know that the mantras have the power to guide you, when you are personally experiencing IT, when you have given the Maha Sodasi mantra deeksha to the entire COSMOS, why do you hesitate?
Several hours later,
- BRAHMAN, why did YOU say that the entire cosmos is at the (n-1)th stage?....When it is all YOU, isn't all of it at the "n" th stage?
- When you know that to be the case, why do you hesitate to share the writings? Who are you afraid of, when you just said that it is all BRAHMAN?
- Okay BRAHMAN...It is all YOUR doing anyway....I'll share these writings but before that YOU have to tell me that YOU love me......I don't want the usual advaitic answer - "Who is telling whom when both the questioner and the responder are the same?"....YOU are the expert in finding loopholes isn't it??.....Find a loophole & tell me that YOU love me.....I love YOU BRAHMAN......I said it, now it's YOUR turn.....Won't YOU say it too?
- Why not?....When I = YOU = Unconditional love = BRAHMAN
To sum-up my spiritual journey, since I don't know any songs about BRAHMAN per-se, I turn to Sage Agastiar and his Tamil song Sri Chakra Raja Simhasaneswari about Lalithamba......The meaning of the song says it all.
Strange indeed is HER WILL.
And the irony??.....Well, I'm now one among those people who say "It is all HER WILL".....I had to question "HER WILL" inorder to fully realize IT but yes, now I'm officially THE ONE who says IT.
Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu