Conclusion

Conclusion – Written on 2nd February 2012


Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu

It wasn't until end of December 2011 that it fully struck me.....

So, Lalitha Tripura Sundari = THAT all pervading consciousness = BRAHMAN

I choose to call THAT all pervading consciousness as BRAHMAN........When I say Lalithamba, I automatically think of HER form and when I say/think of BRAHMAN, my mind is blank.....And in reality, there really isn't a difference between the two, isn't it?

In the last few months, as I contemplate these revelations, there are a few things that stand out:

1. I personally met Guruji and He blessed me with the Maha Sodasi mantra
2. I emailed Arjunaarcharya and asked him "Is the Meppad Sampradaya  anyway related to Adi Shankaracharya?". Arjunaacharya's response - Yes
3. The "inner chatter" has subsided.....The silence within is deeply felt.
4. As questions arise, answers are revealed ---- Sometimes immediately, sometimes in a week or two or three

There is also a strong inner urge to share these writings with the world, to "make-public" these writings....As I watch my thoughts:

• BRAHMAN, why do YOU want me to share these writings with everyone? I have no desire to end up as "another picture on the wall" or "another idol in a temple".
• When the very purpose of your birth is to complete your work and talk about advaita, how are you going to do it, if not by sharing these writings?
• BRAHMAN, why didn't YOU let Adi Shankaracharya complete the work? When Adi Shankara can break-free-of-the-rules of society to perform the last rites of His mother, why couldn't He also not preach to women??.....Take it however YOU want it to be --- YOU have failed to convince me/ YOU have failed to convince YOURSELF/ I have failed to convince mySELF.

  

After almost a week or two later, as-simple-as-that

  

• When you were pregnant, why did you choose a lady gynecologist?
• Because given a choice, I was comfortable with a lady doctor.
• When you, a so-called 21st century, western-educated woman chose a lady doctor, how do you expect women of the-then society to accept the preachings of a sanyasi, especially to questions relating to women praying during their monthly periods? 

Silence

• Adi Shankara may not have specifically addressed women because in His role as a sanyasin, there were certain limitations. You as a Grihasta, will be able to do it...All along Adi Shankara did talk about BRAHMAN, didn't He?......Weren't women automatically included in IT? 
• Does it mean that I will have to "re-do" it all? I don't even know Sanskrit....How do YOU expect me to comment on His works?
• Language is just a means-to-an-end and not the end by itself...You are not here to "re-do" anything....The journey continues where you left-off.

Silence

It took almost a week for it to strike me

• BRAHMAN, if YOU really wanted, YOU could have made me choose a guy doctor as my gynecologist, couldn't YOU?

Silence

Initially I shared these writings with some of my immediate family members….Why? Because it was a "test" for mySELF......To see if IT can handle the questions that might comeup...My husband, though he knew my spiritual journey in-brief was initially upset/angry....He had asked me

He:  What kind of a woman are you to give up your husband and son? Even if I don't take you giving me up seriously, how can you do that to Pranav?

My response:

I may have mentally renounced attachments to my husband and son, but SHE has given them both back to me -- intact, as HER prasadam [ i.e purified by association with HER]....In the past, I didn't really look at them as 'forms of BRAHMAN' and now I do......And I am now practically following that thing that Bhagavat Gita talks about : One who sees inaction in action, and action in inaction, is intelligent among wo/men, and s/he is in the transcendental position, although engaged in all sorts of activities. 

A few days later, as I still hesitate to share these writings, my thoughts:

 

• BRAHAMN, do YOU know what YOU are asking me to do? It's similar to YOU asking me to jump out of an airplane without a parachute, with the sole belief that YOU will protect me.
• Is your belief strong enough for you to do that?
• Wrong question BRAHMAN.....The correct question YOU should ask is "Have I given you enough belief for you to do that?"......Why do YOU continue to put the blame on me?.....Can I do anything if it is not YOUR WILL?
• When you can correct yourSELF, isn't this good enough for you?

Silence

  

• If your Guruji had hesitated, would He have offered the online Srividya class?

Silence

• If your Guruji had hesitated, would you have received the Maha Sodasi mantra?

Silence

• Have you still not learnt to fully trust yourSELF?
• If I still haven't learnt to do so, isn't that also because of YOU BRAHMAN? When the Kena Upanishads talk about how even a blade of grass is not able to move without YOUR WILL, how can I do anything, if it isn't YOUR WILL?
• When you can answer your own questions, can you not answer other's question?

Silence

   

• Remember that question that you had asked?

Flashback on that question that I had asked [ My conversations with HER - Part 22]

How do YOU expect me to trust YOU?....How can I believe that YOU won't cause obstacles for me?

• During early November 2011, did you not chant the Maha Sodasi Mantra on a rudhraksha mala and give deeksha "not just to MOTHER EARTH but the entire COSMOS"?
• Yes
• According to your initial assumption, does it not mean that the entire cosmos, after receiving the deeksha is at the (n-1)th stage ---- just 1 step away from merging into their SELF ?

Silence

• How will the people know that they are at the (n-1)th stage if you don't share these writings?
• Why can't YOU tell them YOURSELF?....Why can't YOU prick YOURSELF --- the people's consciousness?
• Before the online Srividya class was introduced, how many times did I bring the Panchadasi mantra into your life?....Why didn't you chant it?
• Because I was told that it was supposed to come from a Guru.
• Won't people still think the same way?....Won't they still be in ignorance and refuse to follow their conscious because they don't have the correct information? Because you hesitate to tell them that the entire COSMOS has indeed received the Maha Sodasi mantra deeksha?

Silence

• Don't you think the mantras work?
• Ofcourse I do....If not, can I observe these thoughts in me?....Even HDTV is not such crystal-clear.
• When you know that the mantras have the power to guide you, when you are personally experiencing IT, when you have given the Maha Sodasi mantra deeksha to the entire COSMOS, why do you hesitate?

 Silence

 Several hours later,

• BRAHMAN, why did YOU say that the entire cosmos is at the (n-1)th stage?....When it is all YOU, isn't all of it at the "n" th stage?
• When you know that to be the case, why do you hesitate to share the writings? Who are you afraid of, when you just said that it is all BRAHMAN?

Silence

• Okay BRAHMAN...It is all YOUR doing anyway....I'll share these writings but before that YOU have to tell me that YOU love me......I don't want the usual advaitic answer - "Who is telling whom when both the questioner and the responder are the same?"....YOU are the expert in finding loopholes isn't it??.....Find a loophole & tell me that YOU love me.....I love YOU BRAHMAN......I said it, now it's YOUR turn.....Won't YOU say it too?
• Why not?....When I = YOU = Unconditional love = BRAHMAN

  

To sum-up my spiritual journey, since I don't know any songs about BRAHMAN per-se,  I turn to Sage Agastiar and his Tamil song Sri Chakra Raja Simhasaneswari about Lalithamba......The meaning of the song says it all.

Strange indeed is HER WILL.

And the irony??.....Well, I'm now one among those people who say "It is all HER WILL".....I had to question "HER WILL" inorder to fully realize IT but yes, now I'm officially THE ONE who says IT.

At Your feet Guruji,  

Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu

My conversations with HER - Part 22

My conversations with HER - Part 22 - Written on 2nd December 2011:

Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu

"Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned."

These were random incidents, which happened in October 2011....

Incident 1:

I met a lady and I thought she was 4-5 months pregnant & was about to congratulate her, when I was told that her stomach is the way it is because she had "cesarian operations" for both of her past pregnancies...She was now having some medical problems because of her enlarged stomach.

Incident 2:

Sometime during this trip, while talking to "xyz" person,

Me: Come & have your food.

"xyz" person:  I'm dieting to get-back-in-shape.

Me: But aren't you nursing your baby...How will she get her food if you don't eat properly?

"xyz" person:  Oh I take "abc English medicine" and if the baby is still hungry I give her milk using 'milk powder'

Incident 3:

One day, as I was talking to someone, she mentioned something that deeply bothered me...

"abc" person-that-I-know has had 2 or 3 miscarriages in the past, is pregnant again & has just had "some medical procedure" done to stitch her womb so that she doesn't lose this baby again.....

{As I type this: What seems like innocent, day-to-day happenings to everyone else, bothered me...Why??...Maybe because these were the trigger-points that caused "my bubble" to burst....Maybe because I saw how "heartbreakingly" one woman was trying to conceive, another was worried about her body than her infant baby and another was now paying the price for her cesarian operation......Or maybe that is EXACTLY how SHE wanted me to think, inorder for me to realize the highest truth.}

Cascading-effect of thoughts:

• Lalithamba, why did YOU give that thought to "xyz" person?...Could she have thought of dieting if YOU didn't want her to?.....Why did YOU ask her to take that 'abc English medicine'?
• {Thinking} Didn't I read somewhere that in Soundarya Lahari there is a sloka that helps with lactation?? Why can't I remember where I read it?
• Lalithamba, YOU know that exact sloka in Soundarya Lahari...When that is the case, why didn't YOU tell her that?...What a pity that in this 21st century, babies have to rely on milk powder and English medicines when there is an easier, simpler solution.

Silence

• Why didn't YOU help "abc" person??...Don't YOU know how it would feel to have "a medical procedure" done to a-womb-containing-a-3-month-old-featus??......YOU call YOURSELF the Mother of the 3 worlds??....Why did YOU let that happen?

Silence

• Why are YOU silent Lalithamba? Why no answers? Why no light-bulbs-going-on now? Give me one good reason Lalithamba..
• Don't YOU dare say "It is that person's karma"....Don't YOU dare say "This is Kali Yuga and this is how things will be".....Those reasons do not apply to YOU.....If YOU are really beyond time and karma, don't YOU dare give me such petty reasons....YOU are the expert in advaita, right?....Give me one good reason why YOU let it happen...One good advaitic reason.

Silence

• Don't YOU reside in the swadhistana chakra? When that is the case, what a pity that in this 21st century, women have to resort to cesarian operations instead of a natural delivery.....
• Lalithamba I'm asking YOU, what percentage of women have natural delivery Vs cesarian?....Why are YOU not doing anything about it?......Why do YOU let doctors tear-open-the-womb?...Could those doctors have done it, if YOU didn't want them to?...Again, don't YOU dare say "Kali yuga" and "a person's karma" as the reason....That may apply to mortal-beings but not to YOU....How could YOU make so many mistakes Lalithamba?

Silence

• Now, Lalithamba what is the name of YOUR minister? (I forgot HER name)....Why can't I remember things properly?.....YOU O Devi the-minister-of-Lalithamba, what kind of advise have YOU been giving Lalithamba? Couldn't YOU have done something about it?.... Couldn't YOU have let Lalithamba know that so much of injustice is going on?
• YOU O Varahi, I know that YOU have so abundantly blessed me, but how could YOU have not warned Lalithamba?....YOU are HER Commander-in-chief, right?? What were YOU doing?...How could YOU let so much of injustice go on in this world? Why didn't YOU atleast do something about it?
• YOU, ALL of the 64 crores of GODDESS who live in the Srichakra, why didn't anyone of YOU do something about it? How could ALL of YOU fail??....Every single one of YOU have failed, ALL of YOU are guilty...Every single one of YOU are an accessory-to-the-crime, aiding and abetting the crime and YOU O Lalithamba are the biggest failure.....Why did YOU not do anything about it? Why are YOU asleep Lalithamba?...Even Kumbhakarna sleeps only for 6 months in an year. How long have YOU been sleeping?

 Silence

•  Lalithamba, I'm sorry to tell YOU this but whatever-is-the-mess-in-this-world, it is because of YOU.....YOU and YOU alone are responsible for it....YOU have let things go beyond control....Could any of these things have happened, if YOU didn't want them to happen?.....Give me an answer Lalithamba....One good advaitic answer.
• Lalithamba, do YOU know what cancer is?...Cancer is defined as the "uncontrolled division of cells"......That is what has happened to YOU Lalithamba.....YOU have let things go uncontrolled....I'm sorry to be the one to give YOU this diagnosis, but YOU have cancer Lalithamba....And that too happened because of YOU.

Silence

• What is the use of talking about corruption in the world, corruption in different countries when there is corruption in the COSMOS?...YOU have failed Lalithamba..

Silence

• Lalithamba, what makes YOU think that I won't question YOU?.....What makes YOU think that I will be one among those people who say "It is all HER will"?....When I was totally ignorant, I had a bunch of questions to ask God....Now that I know that everything happens according to YOUR will, what makes YOU think that I won't question YOU??.....
• If YOU didn't want me to question YOU, YOU should have let me be ignorant.... Why did YOU wake-up the sleeping giant?

Silence

• Has anybody questioned YOU Lalithamba?....Have YOU let anybody do that??.....Why?...Why not?
• {Thinking} What did Guruji tell us during the online class? Didn't He mention something about "some laser-related project" that he wanted to do but people had objected to His thinking?...Why can't I remember things properly?
• Lalithamba, YOU know exactly what I'm referring to...Why did YOU do such a thing??....Why do YOU send a person to do YOUR work & then give Him obstacles?....What makes YOU think YOU can get away with it??...Why did YOU give my Guruji all those obstacles??...Give me one good advaitic reason.

Silence

• Silence is not the answer Lalithamba...It's not good enough for me.....Matha-Pitha-Guru-Deivam, right??........I am YOUR Mother and YOU are my daughter remember??....That means that "Matha-Pitha-Guru-Deivam" rule does not apply to me, and YOU being a GODDESS come after my Guruji....How dare YOU give my Guruji all those obstacles?...How dare YOU Lalithamba?
• How many people have YOU sent to do YOUR work?
• Adi Shankaracharya - He came, He preached, He went away...Could he have left out women, if YOU didn't want it to happen that way?
• The different avatars of Narayana - He came, He preached, He went away
• The different Gurus that YOU've sent - They came, They preached, They went away
• What's changed after all this?....Other than the fact that each of YOUR representatives have ended up having "x number of temples", "y number of devotees" and "z number of trusts/organizations".....What's changed Lalithamba?
• {Thinking} Didn't I read somewhere that even the hundial offerings at certain temples are used-up by certain governments to run the state?.....Lalithamba, why did YOU let that happen?.....No wonder politicians are corrupt....Could that have happened if YOU didn't want it to happen that way.....Even that is YOUR fault.
• What's the point Lalithamba, when clearly YOU are the one that needs-a-preaching.....YOU know what, YOU have just lost the right to ask me to do anything....YOU have lost the right to ask me to write down my experiences...I won't do it...I just won't...Didn't YOU say that Adi Shankaracharya never disobeyed YOU....Well, let Adi Shankara remain as Adi Shankara....This is Shankara version 2.0 and I won't do what YOU ask me to.....Not until YOU give me one good advaitic reason why I should write down my experiences....Just one reason Lalithamba....Can't YOU do even that??...And if not, then what kind of a GODDESS are YOU?
• How do YOU expect me to trust YOU?....How can I believe that YOU won't cause obstacles for me?

Silence

• Lalithamba,do you have a HR department {Human Resources}....Who does all the hiring for YOU?? How do YOU choose YOUR Upasakas?.....When YOU are present everywhere, then what is all that about "Only someone who is chosen by DEVI gets Sri Vidya. It is said you do not choose Sri Vidya, but Sri Vidya chooses you. When you get it, when you look back, you will see how you have been guided slowly and surely to your Guru."......Why the partiality?...How can YOU contradict YOURSELF?
• YOU call YOUR vidya "the best vidya"....If so, how many people know about it & seek it?....If a few, then how come it's the best when there are no seekers?
• How many people seek YOU Lalithamba? If YOU are the best, why don't YOU have people flocking to know more about YOU....Why is it that people think that it's prestigious to work for a MNC {Multi National Corporation}, or a Fortune 500 company when clearly ALL the wealth is with YOU?......If YOU haven't been able to convince people, if YOU haven't been able to "hire people", what kind of an organization are YOU running? 

 Silence

Why the silence Lalithamba? How many more of YOUR mistakes do YOU want me to point out?

Silence

• YOU call this country a maatru-boomi? What is so "punyam" about this land Lalithamba, when there isn't ONE sloka that helps one conceive a GIRL-BABY?.... Is there one such sloka?... If no, why not?.....And if yes, then why didn't YOU bring that sloka into my life??...The Santana Gopala mantram is for getting a boy baby, right?.... If not, why did YOU make me think that it was??...Either way YOU look at it, anyway YOU look at it, it is ALL YOUR fault.
• YOU call this country a punya-boomi?...... Maybe once-upon-a-time, long-long-ago, so-long-ago, that everybody-has-forgotten-how-long ago, it was a punya boomi.....Is it a punya boomi now?.... I don't remember reading in any historical stories that there was a swayamvara for men and "women lined up so that men can choose them"....Weren't women given a choice to choose their life partner?.... Weren't such swayamvaras held so that A WOMAN can choose her partner? ---- Sita Devi, Draupadi, Damayanti, Savitri etc all of them chose their husbands....It wasn't forced upon them....Lalithamba I'm asking YOU, a direct one-to-one question, is such a system alive today?......If no, why not?.....If yes, then what are all the inter-caste marriage, inter-religion marriage, inter-country marriage fights all about?....Why a "separate section in any school/college/government" application form that gives you a bunch of options to choose from - a bunch of 'caste' options....Could that have happened if YOU didn't want it to happen?....Why did YOU let it happen?...Give me one single advaitic reason...
• YOU know what will happen if I write down all this?...The non-Hindu people may say that these are the reasons why one should convert into "xyz" religion.....Little will they realize that these happenings are also applicable to people who are "Non-Hindus" and if God is one, then their God is equally guilty too....If people were-to-think that way, then even that will be YOUR fault Lalithamba.

Silence

  

• Lalithamba, why are YOU not answering me?
• If at this stage of having received the Maha Sodasi mantra, if I am YOU, then I am angry....Why are YOU not angry Lalithamba?...How can YOU remain silent?
• I know it sounds silly, "me" asking "YOU" for one single advaitic reason, but even these thoughts are because of YOU...Even that is YOUR fault...Why do YOU give me such angry thoughts?...Even that is YOUR fault....Why can't I be "neutral" like Guruji?....

Silence

  

• Fine, if YOU are going to behave as if the rules of the mortal-world apply to YOU, then YOU know what, it does.
• There is one another rule in this mortal world that is going to apply to YOU......YOU are guilty until proven innocent...YOU ARE GUILTY Lalithamba and if YOU can make so many mistakes, then YOU are not Divine and if YOU are not Divine then I don't want YOU.

And I forgot that all of this had happened.

Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu