Lessons-my-3-year-old son taught me

It's amazing how one learns when one is receptive enough or open enough to let Divine Grace flow into one's life...Here are some of such lessons that my 3 year old son taught me.

Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu

My conversations with HER - Part 14

My conversations with HER - Part 14  – Written on 21st November 2011:

Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu


As I read & re-read the past writings, I'm amazed at how things have turned out....Maybe it was because of the "deadly-combination" of

1. Having Guruji in my life, which is a miracle by itself..
2. Having put BRAHMAN in-charge of my life during the Viraja homa sankalpa
3. Just doing what-ever I felt like doing, knowing that BRAHMAN is there to take the 'blame' and 'credit' for my actions...
4. Being blessed with 'selective amnesia'.

I'm reminded of exactly what I told Lord Yama during my Deva Tharpanam:

"Dear Yama deva, please don't be angry with me that I'm asking everyone to merge into BRAHMAN.....Please don't be angry that the hells will be empty and YOU will have nothing to do...YOU know in this 21st century, in the corporate world, one is given a certain amount of "vacation days"......Please, why don't YOU take a vacation for a while?......Maybe YOU can contemplate on BRAHMAN YOURSELF......I am 33 years old and maybe might live upto a 100 years.....That's another 67 more years on the earth plane = 67 days in YOUR world.....I don't know if people will continue to do tharpanams like this after I'm dead.....So, maybe all that is needed is for YOU to take a vacation for 67 days i.e if I live upto a 100 years......Won't YOU please do that??....If there is such a thing as hell, won't YOU please give ALL it's occupants a chance to merge into BRAHMAN?....I'm not joking Yama deva, I'm asking YOU, begging YOU..."

As I wonder, why I should write down all my experiences, especially the "what-appears-to-be-silly" part of my actions

SHE: Two reasons why...

1.  Weren't you the one who wanted to know the behind-the-scene-actions of people before they were enlightened?
2.  Just checking to see if you still have an ego or if you can accept even the 'what-seemed-like-silly" part of your actions...

!!!

Now, how does one respond to those reasons, except perhaps tell HER that if I do have an ego now, it is HER doing, HER ego !!!

Varalakshmi Vratham - August 2011

This vratham is something that I started doing after my marriage, as it's not observed in my parent's tradition but only done in my in-law's tradition...This year, as I was about to start the vratham, I was reminded of the 'drawing' of Srichakra that I had....Guruji was yet to teach us how to draw the 'complete Srichakra' and I had the 'incomplete drawing' of Srichakra (without the 8 & 16 petalled lotus and outer square enclosure) that I had drawn, by following the directions in the powerpoint document that aacharya had sent me last year.....So, I kept that 'incomplete drawing' of Srichakra and said "Sri Lakshmi, I don't know where YOU are in the Srichakra but I know that YOU are there somewhere in it.....So, where-ever YOU are in it, please accept this Varalakshmi vratham prayer"......I don't think I had a specific prayer to ask HER, especially not after being told about my 'ashudha bhakti', so I didn't ask HER for anything.

At the end of the vratham, as I was getting ready to go to work, I had my favorite CD playing in the background - Sacred chants- volume 5 ....This was a CD that I had since the year 2005 or 2006 and there were just 3 songs in the CD that I listen to very often - the 1st, 2nd and 5th song....The CD was playing as I was finishing-up my morning work and then the song "Bhavani Ashtakam" started playing.....The song went straight into my soul and I stood rooted-to-the-ground listening to the song....I thought "Who are YOU Bhavani, what could the song mean and why is it so mesmerizing ??....Is this why they call Sanskrit the 'language of the gods'....What do those words mean & why does it melt-my-heart??".......I've had this CD since the last 5 to 6 years and I don't think I've ever listened to this song before.....I listened to it again, again & again......That evening I 'googed' the song to see if I could find the exact meaning and also found it on YouTube. The video of the song made me think "Oh Bhavani is the same as Durga Devi".....But the meaning of the song was what I liked the best and I thought "Shankaracharya, you atleast knew Bhavani....I don't know even that.....All that I know is that SHE is some form of Devi, some form of BRAHMAN"

The song also made me realize what a 'beggar' I've been....I've always had a list of things to ask GOD....In this lifetime, never once in the last 33 years have I prayed to GOD just to make HIM/HER happy.....It has always been,"GOD, can you please give me "A,B & C" and when I got "A,B&C", it was "Thank you GOD for giving me "A,B&C", now can you please give me "D,E,F&G" ".......How selfish I've been...

I listened to this song as often as possible & there were nights when I've let the song play on 'repeat' mode and stopped it only on waking up in the morning.

Sometime during this month, I wondered "I've learnt from so many different sources...It's after receiving the Maha-deeksha from the Oneness University in 2006, that I'm able to atleast watch-my-thoughts for a few minutes......The various books and articles that I've read, I've benefited from those as well.....Will Guruji be upset with me, given that I've had so many different sources to teach me??.....

SHE: How did you describe Guruji when you sent that email to Dr. Pillai?

Me: When I had emailed a copy of the Srichakra drawing to Dr. Pillai, in addition to thanking him for his teachings/mantras, I had said "I have, after almost searching for eternity, finally found my Guru. And he taught me how to draw SriChakra & had asked us to give it to people as a token of gratitude.... "Who's your Guru?" you may ask. It's BRAHMAN ITSELF in the form of Guru Amritananda of Devipuram, India."

SHE: When you described your Guruji as BRAHMAN ITSELF, is there a form as to how this BRAHMAN should appear??.....All are, but IT'S forms..

{As I type this:

SHE: Didn't you also ask Dattatreya to teach you to be like HIM??....So that you too can learn from your environment?  }

11th September 2011 - Basic 5.2 of the online Srividya class offered by Devipuram

Guruji taught us the MahaGanapathy yantra puja and this was to be the last online class offered...Guruji also said that it was a 'happy co-incidence' that it happened to be the last day of "Ganapathy nimajjanam".....He told us that hereafter, each week, there would be materials posted on the Devipuram website and we were free to learn at-our-pace....

Guruji, there was one thing that you said that deeply sunk into me.....You said you were bringing Devipuram to us......BRINGING DEVIPURAM TO US.....And I thought "How confident must Guruji be, to say something like that....How absolutely sure he must be, to say that SHE was always with us, to say that HE was always with us.".... And then as simple-as-that, it came to me "My Guruji is a Brahmarishi...He has realized the Oneness of it all"

  

BRAHMAN was in-charge of my life and I did whatever meditations/prayers that "I" could do.....My early mornings were jam-packed with all the things that I was learning:

My own little prayers - few minutes

Prana Prathistapana mantra - 4 to 5 minutes

Khadgamala stotram - 10 minutes

Viraja homa - 20 minutes

Yoga nidra meditation - 20 minutes

And before I knew it, one hour was gone....There were times when I drew the Srichakra {with the Panchadasi mantra playing in the background} instead of doing the Yoga nidra meditation....There was absolutely no time to get it all done....And I thought "That website, the one who wrote that article, he was not joking......It really takes from daybreak to nightfall to do ALL these pujas and prayers !!!"

The only time I had, to do the MahaGanapathy yantra puja was in the weekends....The only time I had to listen to the "Kundalini mp3" audio [Panchadasi audio] was in the evening as I was preparing dinner....I thought "When I had all the time in the world, I was not able to chant the Panchadasi because it didn't come from "a guru" and now, when it did come from my Guruji, I have no time to chant it....What an irony"......I then remembered that someone had asked Guruji if it was ok to share these mantras with others and Guruji had said "Yes, but sometime in your lifetime, it would be good if you come & take a personal deeksha from me.".....So, I thought I'll just let the mp3 audio play in the background & maybe my husband & son can meet Guruji in India next month & all of us can take a personal deeksha from him...

I don't think I've ever waited so eagerly for anything.....I was so eager to go & meet Guruji....One more month to go...

  

The next few weeks of 'offline' Srividya class had information on how to do the Navagraha japa and the Rashmimala stotra ....As I listened to the Rashmimala stotra mp3, I wondered "How am I ever going to memorize all these??...I have such an horrible memory....Maybe once the 44 days of the present Viraja homa/Ganapathy tharpanam is over, I can begin to learn it"...The next day morning as I wokeup, in addition to saying

Good morning BRAHMAN
Good morning Guruji Amritananda of Devipuram
Good morning Guruamma Annapoornaamba of Devipuram
Good morning Siddha Guru Swaprakasananda of Anakapalli
Good morning Divya Guru Bala Tripurasundari 

I thought of the Rashmimala stotra mp3 audio and all that I remembered was "MahaGanapathy is present in the Mooladhara chakra and Varahi at the eyebrow chakra".....I didn't want to wait for a few weeks/months until I learnt the complete stotra and then chant it in the morning.....So, I thought "Surely all the GODS & GODDESS must be aware of the happenings in this 21st century....Okay....Now listen, all the GODS & GODDESS whose mantra comprise the Rashmimala Stotra, I may not know the exact words/mantras in the Rashmimala stotra, but surely YOU know it and YOU also know exactly where YOU are present in my body.....You see in this 21st century, when one goes to a restaurant, there are 2 options of "service" to choose from - the standard service where the waiter serves you and the buffet service where you serve yourselves....All of YOU GODS & GODDESS are used to the "standard service" where a Srividya upasaka thinks of YOU, invites/invokes YOU and chants YOUR respective mantras......But YOU see, since I'm not yet able to do that, I'm using the other buffet-service-type-of-prayer......Since I'm yet to learn and memorize the Rashmimala stotra, all that I can say right now is the word "Rashmimala stotra" and it's upto ALL of YOU to imagine the words/mantras etc that comprise this stotram....Okay??.....God helps those who help themselves, right??......Please help YOURSELVES to this Rashmimala stotra....Afterall, if the very purpose of the Rashmimala stotra is to think of YOU ALL, then I'm doing it, right???.....Even though I don't yet know exactly WHO ALL are 'included' in this Rashmimala stotra"

{Note to my dear Guruji: Oh Guruji, how innocently did you say "The GODDESS loves fun"....Well, here's another proof.....See what SHE made me think.....See what SHE made me do....It was all HER doing...}

And thereafter, in the morning, as I wokeup, I thought:

Good morning BRAHMAN
Good morning Guruji Amritananda of Devipuram
Good morning Guruamma Annapoornaamba of Devipuram
Good morning Siddha Guru Swaprakasananda of Anakapalli
Good morning Divya Guru Bala Tripurasundari 

Rashmimala stotra

   

Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu 

My conversations with HER - Part 13

My conversations with HER - Part 13  – Written on 18th November 2011:

Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu

Happenings in Sept 2011:

Guruji taught us the MahaGanapathy tharpana and on 6th September I started doing it....The "turmeric water" after the tarpanam was finished, was taken as theertham by my family.... I also used the water while cooking & the remaining water was kept in a bottle for use the next day while bathing....I didn't want to waste the 'turmeric water' at all and thought that if all 3 of my family members use the water, maybe all the obstacles that would prevent us from meeting Guruji in India next month, would be removed.....

At the end of the tarpanam, I would say," Whatever is the merit of doing the MahaGanapathy tarpanam, I give it all back to YOU O BRAHMAN in the form of MahaGanapathy"....Maybe it was indeed due to the MahaGanapathy tarpanams but my desire to offer tarpanam to the "Rishis" and "Devas" also came true....I came across this site which had a good writeup on Deva & Rishi tarpanams and also had the mantras to be chanted....

Me: {Thinking} Can I do the Deva & Rishi tarpanams?

SHE: Didn't you ask Guruji if one can do additional prayers inaddition to what he teaches and didn't he say yes?

I was a little hesitant to pronounce the mantras in Sanskrit as I didn't know the language at all and was worried if I might mis-pronounce something.....I thought "English, Tamil & Telugu languages have helped me so far....I would rather do the tarpanam in a language that I'm familiar with, rather than risk doing it in a language that I don't know and hence won't know if I make a mistake"......I did print out the English manual from that website but didn't have it in front of me on that day when I sat down to do the tarpanams...

I wore all my rudhrakshas & invoked the guidance of all GODS

2 mukhi rudhraksha representing - Arthanareswara
3 mukhi rudhraksha representing - Agni deva
4 mukhi rudhraksha representing - Brahma deva
5 mukhi rudhraksha representing - Lord Shiva
6 mukhi rudhraksha representing - Muruga, Karthikeya
7 mukhi rudhraksha representing - Goddess Mahalakshmi, Sapta Rishis [Seven Eternal Sages], Sapta Naga Devargal [Seven Serpant Gods], Sapta Maatrikas [Seven MOTHERS]

8 mukhi rudhraksha representing - Lord Ganesha
9 mukhi rudhraksha representing - Goddess Durga
10 mukhi rudhraksha representing - Lord Vishnu, Lord Narayana
11 mukhi rudhraksha representing  - Lord Hanuman, The 11th form of Lord Rudra
12 mukhi rudhraksha representing - Surya deva
13 mukhi rudhraksha representing - Indra deva and Kama deva
14 mukhi rudhraksha representing - Lord Shiva
16 mukhi rudhraksha representing  - Maha Mrityunjaya form of Lord Shiva
17 mukhi rudhraksha representing - Katyani devi, the 6th form of Goddess Durga and Viswakarma
The Lakshi Saligram infront of whom I am to do the tarpanam  and

BRAHMAN

With YOU ALL as my WITNESS I begin to do my Deva, Rishi, Pitru & Karunya tarpanam....I don't know Sanskrit & hence am hesitant to chant the mantras in Sanskrit as I could very well mis-pronounce it and Sanskrit being such a tricky language, it might mean something totally different than what I intend to say...So, I continue to use the language that I've been using for Pitru & Karunya tarpanam.

BRAHMAN, YOU know all languages and not just Sanskrit...Please take the tarpanam offerings to these souls and help them ALL merge into YOU.

Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu - Whatever I'm going to do, I offer it all to BRAHMAN

Deva tarpanam:

As I sit facing the east direction, with my right leg's knee touching the ground {and not the left leg's knee}, I place the rice, white sesame seeds, darba grass and water in my hand and say & invoke 

All the GODS and GODDESS who have helped me, both in this lifetime and in the many previous lifetimes that I've had before

• Ganapathy
• Muruga/Karthikeya
• Lord Shiva & Parvathy
• Lord Narayana & Sri Lakshmi
• Lord Brahma & Saraswati
• Lord Ayappa
• Krishna and Rukmini/Radha
• Lord Indra and ALL the Gods in HIS court - Vayu deva, Varuna deva, Agni deva, Surya deva, Yama deva .......{Thinking}....I don't remember the names of the other Devas in the court, but ALL the Gods in Lord Indra's court, please accept this tarpanam....Dear Yama deva, please don't be angry with me that I'm asking everyone to merge into BRAHMAN.....Please don't be angry that the hells will be empty and YOU will have nothing to do......{As I type this now, I can't remember exactly what my words were, but what I meant to say was that, when Lord Yama HIMSELF preached to Nachiketa (in the Kathopanishad) on the real nature of the SELF, then how can HE be angry with me for saying the same thing during my tarpanams?}
• The Navagraha devas
• The Dikpalakas – Gods of the 8 directions
• The Gandharvas....{Thinking}...Are the Gandharvas and Apsaras also gods??....If YOU are, then I offer this tarpanam to YOU....If YOU are not, then YOU ALL are covered under the 'karunya tarpanam' category when I offer the karunya tarpanam to all forms of BRAHMAN in the 14 worlds...
• Sri Lalitha Tripura Sundari, Bala Tripura Sundari - my Divya Guru, Varahi and ALL the 64 crores of GODDESS who live in the Srichakra.......{Thinking}....I don't know if the GODDESS in Srichakra have their male counterparts, and if they do, then ALL of them as well.
• Durga devi
• I realize that I'm not intelligent enough to remember the names of ALL the GODS and GODDESS, so please forgive my ignorance for not personally saying YOUR name, but any GODS and GODDESS that I may have left out, you ALL are included as well.

Please accept this Deva tarpanam and bless me & my family.....Please forgive my ignorance for not properly offering you tarpanam but I have kept you waiting for a long time.....I do not wish to continue to do so....So until a time comes when I learn how to properly do the "Deva tarpanam", please accept this tarpanam and consider this as an "Appetizer" until the "Main course meal arrives"....YOU know, if one goes to a restaurant, then one sometimes orders an appetizer before the main dish and who knows, maybe this appetizer is all that it takes to please YOU....

Also, please, please don't test me anymore....I've failed enough lifetimes.....Before ANY one of YOU want to test me, please ask YOURSELF this question "Are YOU with me??....If yes, then I will pass YOUR test.....If not, then I will fail YOUR test......Krishna, isn't it because YOU were with the Pandavas that they won the Kurushetra war??....When YOU ALL are with me, how can I fail??......Now, that YOU know the answer as to if I'll pass or fail  YOUR test, why do YOU wish to test me??.......How can there be darkness when there is a million watt bulb with me?....Almost ALL of YOU have realized BRAHMAN.....Please bless me so that I too may personally experience IT.....Even me saying these things to YOU is because of YOUR grace....Please accept this Deva tarpanam and bless me & my family..Also, please bless me so that I may merge into BRAHMAN.

And I pour out the water along with the rice, sesame seeds & dharba grass to fall through the fingertips of my right hand.

Rishi tarpanam:

 As I sit facing the east direction, with my right leg's knee touching the ground {and not the left leg's knee}, I place the rice, white sesame seeds, darba grass and water in my hand and say & invoke

All the Rishis who've help me come this far in my spiritual path, both in this lifetime & in my many previous lifetimes, please accept this Rishi tarpanam

• Rishi of my maiden gotra ---- I understand that Sage Viswamitra is the Rishi of Kaushika gotra....If this understanding of mine is correct, then O Sage Viswamitra, somehow, somewhere or the other I am related to YOU.......YOU are my great-great-----------great grandfather and I am YOUR great-great-----------great granddaughter......YOU may have rejected Shakuntala, but wasn't that because YOU could continue YOUR spiritual quest to become a BRAHMARISHI??....Now that Sage Vasistha HIMSELF has acknowledged YOU as a BRAHMARISHI, why would YOU wish to reject my request for help......O Sage Viswamitra, if I correctly understand that the Rishi of the Kaushika gotra is YOU, then YOU are my grandfather, whether YOU like it or not and I am going to address YOU as Viswamitra thatha (grandfather)…..Viswamitra thatha, I thank YOU for 2 things - for giving the Gayatri mantra to the world and for also giving the SHREEM BRZEE mantra to the world....Both of these mantras have helped me.....I seem to have inherited 2 qualities from YOU ----- 1) Anger ---- Please teach me how YOU controlled YOUR anger and 2) The quest for BRAHMAN - to be a BRAHMARISHI......Won't YOU please teach me how YOU did it...How did YOU "make-it"??....I had read somewhere that YOU had guided Lord Rama as YOU were a King YOURSELF and hence knew the 'rules-of-the-game-of-Kingship'......If YOU helped Lord Rama, why won't YOU help me -- YOUR granddaughter???....Surely, YOU won't be partial, would YOU???.......Thatha, how many kaushika gotra people thank YOU for giving the Gayatri mantra to the world??......A few right??.....Out of that few, how many ask YOU for guidance to seek BRAHMAN??......Very very few right???....When I am among that few, why won't YOU help me?....Doesn't YOUR name mean "Friend of the world"?....When YOU can be the "friend of the world", then why won't YOU be my friend and help me??......Please help me thatha..
• Rishi of my married gotra -- Thank you for accepting me as the great-great-------great grand daughter-in-law into YOUR family.....I don't know YOUR name & hence I am unable to personally say YOUR name but nevertheless I thank YOU
• Agastiar Rishi ---- All that I knew was YOUR name and YOU have beautifully guided me to my present spiritual stage.....Thank YOU very much.
• Sage Vasistha ---- I also seek YOUR guidance.....Thank YOU for coming into my life in the form of the book Vasistha's Yoga....I have just started reading this book....Please bless me so that I may understand the wisdom contained in the book, so that I may understand the teachings that YOU give to Lord Rama.......And by the way Sage Vasistha, I just acknowledged Sage Viswamitra as my great-great----------great grandfather......I've read about the fights between the two of YOU and how King Harischandra was tested......Please, please don't test me......Please don't test me saying "Oh you are Sage Viswamitra's great, great------great grand daughter.....Let me test you similar to the way I tested your great, great------great grandfather"......I don't wish to be the 'guinea pig' like King Harischandra......If YOU still wish to test me, I tell YOU the same thing that I told the GODS and GODDESS in the Deva tarpanam.......Before YOU want to test me, please ask YOURSELF this question "Are YOU with me??....If yes, then I will pass YOUR test.....If not, then I will fail YOUR test.....Now that YOU know the answer as to if I'll pass or fail  YOUR test, why do YOU wish to test me??.......How can there be darkness when there is a million watt bulb with me?......Please, please don't test me anymore.
• To the Sapta Rishis {Thinking}…I don’t know your names….But thank you for coming into my life in the form of 7 mukhi rudhraksha beads.
• To all the Rishis who have directly or indirectly helped me in my past lifetimes, I thank YOU
• To all the Siddhas ........{Thinking}....Are Siddha's the same as Rishis???......Well, Sage Agastiar is a Siddha and also a Rishi.....So, on that basis, I consider all the Siddhas to be Rishis as well......To all the Siddhas who've directly or indirectly blessed me when I did the Arunachala girivalam earlier this year, I thank YOU
• Didn't I read in Devi Bhagavatham, that while describing the Manidweepa, it was mentioned that the Siddhas live in a 'palace' close to HER 'palace'....I remember this very well because I had thought "After ALL those prayers and meditations, why are the Siddhas just close to HER palace???...Why are they not ONE with HER??.......To all those Siddhas who live in a 'palace' close to HER, please accept this Rishi tarpanam and merge into HER.....And as YOU do so, please bless me & my family and bless me so that I too may merge into BRAHMAN.
• To the 4 Siddhas in the form of the boulders at the San Diego Pillai retreat center -  Agastiar,  Kagabujandar, Bhogar and Vishvamitra.....I thank YOU for YOUR blessings.
• Adi Shankaracharya, I thank YOU too for YOUR blessings....I have benefited from YOUR teachings too.
• Sage Veda Vyasa, I still don't know the 'formal' way to offer tarpanam to YOU but atleast this time I got the 'category' right....Please accept this Rishi tarpanam.

All of the above mentioned Rishis and Siddhas, most of YOU ALL are already ONE with BRAHMAN.....Will YOU please not help me to also merge into BRAHMAN?... I remember reading the Amar Chitra Katha - Tales of Durga storybook that SHE was born from the shakti of the various gods....Most of YOU Rishis are ONE with IT...Won't YOU share 1% of YOUR energy/wisdom so that I too can get close to IT.....If YOU cannot be happy with 99% shakti, then imagine how it must be for me who am at 0%.....Won't YOU please help me??...Please accept this Rishi tarpanam and bless me & my family....Please bless me so that I too may realize & practically experience BRAHMAN.

And I pour out the water along with the rice, sesame seeds & dharba grass to fall through the left side of the palm of my right hand.

Pitru tarpanam {As mentioned in My conversations with HER - Part 5 }...Ever since I started doing the Rishi tarpanam, I also think of Sage Viswamitra when doing my paternal pitru tarpanam.....

Karunya tarpanam {As mentioned in My conversations with HER - Part 5 }

Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu - Whatever I've done so far, whatever is the merit obtained by doing all these tarpanams, I offer it all to BRAHMAN.

Mahalaya paksha - September 2011

Last year at this time, I had wondered if women could do tarpanam and this time I wondered "How far have I come this year....What a journey it has been".....I remembered reading somewhere that if one is at Kasi and does the Mahalaya paksha tarpanam there using the Ganges water, then it greatly benefits one's forefathers....I thought "I'm here in USA, far far away from Kasi"....And my eyes fell on the small copper chombu (water pot) in my puja altar, that we had bought when we visited Kasi in the year 2007

   

"Even a drop of water from holy Ganga is enough", isn't that what Adi Shankaracharya said in HIS Bhaja Govindam.....Gangaajalalava kanikaa peetaa

So, I opened the copper water pot containing the Ganga water, and added a few drops of IT'S water to my "panjapatra" water....And during Mahalaya Paksha, everyday, I used this water to do my Deva, Rishi, Pitru and Karunya tarpanams and I told ALL of them "This water is now equivalent to the Ganges water....Please accept this tarpanam as if it was done using the Ganga water ITSELF"

  

Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu