My conversations with HER - Part 16

My conversations with HER - Part 16 – Written on 23rd November 2011:

Om Tat Sat Brahmmarpanamastu

October 2011 - A life changing month:

We were on our way to India for 3 weeks....There were lots of occasions in the family - my mother's 60th birthday celebrations, my brother-in-law's upanayanam {sacred thread ceremony} and wedding, our apartment grihapravesam, celebrate Deepavali in India after almost 6 years etc.......But there was just 1 event that I was greatly looking forward to ----- to finally meet my Guruji......As I finished doing the Ganapathy tharpanam on that Saturday, as we were leaving USA, I said an extra prayer to Ganapathy - please remove all the obstacles that prevent me from personally meeting my Guruji.....

I think it was during the Brussels-Chennai flight, that I thought I would mentally do the MahaGanapathy tharpanam, because 'technically' speaking, it was Sunday morning in USA...I realized that I had forgotten to write down the Guru mantram and I didn't know it by-heart....So, I thought of Guruji and said whatever I remembered of the Guru mantram "Something, something...........Sri Annapoornamba sahita, Sri Amritananda natha sriguru sripadukam pujayami tharpayami namaha" and I mentally chanted the MahaGanapathy tharpanam {which I had written down} and offered the merits of doing the tharpanam to MahaGanapathy present in my Mooladhara chakra and then ended it with "Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu"......The flight cabin-lights were off and almost everyone of the passengers were sleeping and as I sat watching-my-thoughts, my thoughts were:

Me: The 3 states - waking, dreaming and 'whatever' is the 3rd state....Why don't I remember the name of the 3rd state?

SHE: What does it matter when you are in the 4th state?

And then something happened.....It was not a question, or a doubt but a sentence

  

Me: Om Sivoham – Siva aham – I am Siva

The thought caught me off-guard

Me: But Lalithamba, how can that be? I don't have the complete Siddha mala ....I'm missing 3 rudhraksha beads out of the 16 beads in Siddha mala.... So does it not mean that I am 13/16 = 81.25% Siva ??

SHE: Is there such a thing as 81.25% Siva, 10% Siva or 99% Siva??....Either you are Siva or you are not....

Me: So, there is no black, white and grey area?? Is it just black & white?? Either I am Siva or not??

SHE: In the hightest form of duality, it is either a yes or a no....If you consider as per Advaita, all is ONE.....And the further you go away from THAT ONE, you have not only black, white & grey but a million different shades of the rainbow.

Me:  {Sat thinking over what SHE just said}

SHE: Go on & accept it.

Me: Accept what??

SHE: That thought that just came to you.

Me:  {Thinking: Ofcourse SHE knows what thought came to me}..My thought was --- Didn't I read in Devi Bhagavatham that one who wears a 14 mukhi rudhraksha - also called Deva Mani, in the end attains the Highest goal, the state of Siva and his/her body becomes verily the body of Siva

Me:  Okay, I accept it....I am Siva

SHE: Very clever, go on and also accept that other thought that came to you, while you were thinking of Siva.

Me:  {Thinking: Ofcourse SHE knows ALL my thoughts....How can I hide the thought from HER? }..My thought was ---- While looking for the meaning of the "Om Shivoham" song, didn't I read on that website that " Shankara =sam+kara. Sam = good. Kara= the doer. Sankara - The doer of good "......I am Shankara

SHE: Go on & accept it.

Me:  Silence

SHE: You have felt it, haven't you?

Me: YOU mean, YOU have given me the feeling.....But I know what YOU mean....Yes, I have felt it.

SHE: Go on & accept it

Me: {Still hesitating}

SHE: Don't you remember that incident?

Flashback on - that incident:

I think it was sometime in the year 2006 or 2007....I used to often chant the Bhaja Govindam...One day, I don't remember exactly but maybe I was moody or may have had an argument with my husband, but as I sat reading my Bhaja Govindam book, when I read the paragraphs

nárèstanabharanábhèdeùam
døúûvá má gá moháveùam,
etan-mámsavasádi-vikáram
manasi vicintaya váram váram.(3)

Seeing the seductive female form, do not fall prey to frenzied delusion. That (female form) is (but) a modification of flesh and fat. Think well thus in your mind and again and again.

ká te kánte kaste putraç
samsáro'yam atèva vicitraç,
kasya tvam kaç kuta áyátas-
tattvam cintaya tadihaq, bhrátah.(8)

Who is your wife? Who is your son? Exceedingly wonderful, indeed, is this empirical process! Of whom are you? Who are you? Whence have you come? O brother, think of that truth here.

ká te kántá-dhana-gata-cintá
vátula kim tava násti nivantá
trijagati sajjana sañgatir eká
bhavati bhavárïava-taraïe nauká.(13)

Why worry about wife, wealth, etc., O crazy one; is there not for you the one who ordains? In the three worlds, it is only the association with good people that can serve as the boat that can carry one across the sea of birth.

I was angry with Adi Shankaracharya....I said " O Shankara, what do YOU know what it takes to be a woman?...How could YOU describe a woman like this - as a 'thing' that traps men into delusion?....YOU are but a sanyasi... YOU have no idea what it takes to be a woman, what it takes to put up with all the nonsense that men think they know....How could YOU make such a big mistake? When the whole of vedic world shows YOU as an example of the 'perfect being', how could YOU leave out women?......YOU maybe Siva HIMSELF, but what is wrong, is wrong......YOUR work is incomplete because YOU have left out women...Don't YOU know that story about Siva?

That story about Siva:

This is a story that I grew-up listening....My mother would often tell us this story....One day Parvathy Devi, inorder to test Siva, hides an ant in a box to see if HE really provides food for ALL in the world...SHE asks HIM if HE had provided food to ALL & HE says yes....When Parvathy Devi opened the box, SHE is surprised to see that the ant had a grain of rice too...."Siva provides for us all" said my mother.

Shankara, how could YOU leave me out?? How were YOU not able to see me?? How come YOU didn't warn me?? Mine is a love-marriage, right?? So, that means that I was 'deluded' to think that I will have 'the perfect happiness' through this-form-called-my-husband......Shankara, I'm sorry to be the one to point this out to YOU, but the male form can be equally seductive and lead to delusion as well......So, there is a glitch in YOUR work, there is an error in YOUR work.....YOUR work is incomplete and YOU will have to come back to Earth to correct it......And by the way, if YOU do decide to come back to Earth, come back as a woman.....Then perhaps, YOU will know what it takes to be a woman.....And if YOU decide to come back, YOU might also want to come back as a person who doesn't know Sanskrit, because YOU see in this 21st century, if YOU go around preaching in Sanskrit, noone including me, will understand YOU.

A few days later, I felt bad for scolding Adi Shankaracharya and asking HIM to come back to Earth...I thought "Poor guy, HE has attained Moksha and I asked HIM to come back to Earth".....So I had apologized to HIM...I had said " I apologize for saying all those things to YOU.....But Shankara, YOUR work is incomplete and I will not apologize for saying that....If YOU have written something that says that both forms - man and woman are a delusion, then I have not yet come across that article and when I do, I will then apologize to YOU but until then, I won't.

SHE: Why do you think those thoughts came to you?..Of all the people in this world, why were you the only one who thought Adi Shankaracharya's work was incomplete?

Me: Silence

SHE: What were your thoughts when you heard the Bhavani Ashtakam?

Me:The very first paragraph of the Bhavani Ashtakam , when I read the meaning

Na Taato Na Maataa Na Bandhur-Na Daataa
Na Putro Na Putrii Na Bhrtyo Na Bhartaa |
Na Jaayaa Na Vidyaa Na Vrttir-Mama-Iva
Gatis-Tvam Gatis-Tvam Tvam-Ekaa Bhavaani ||1||

Meaning:
1.1: Neither the Father, nor the Mother; Neither the Relation and Friend, nor the Donor,
1.2: Neither the Son, nor the Daughter; Neither the Servant, nor the Husband,
1.3: Neither the Wife, nor the (worldly) Knowledge; Neither my Profession,
1.4: You are my Refuge, You Alone are my Refuge, Oh Mother Bhavani.

I then apologized to Adi Shankaracharya....Why? Because HE had included both, HE said that neither the husband nor the wife is the refuge. Only HER - Bhavani

SHE: Why do you think HE wrote that song?

Me: How do I know?

SHE: HE wrote it because HE had realized HIS mistake.

Me: Great! ....YOU expect me to believe that Shankaracharya realized that HE had made a mistake & hence that song....

Silence

{As I sat thinking over the recent thoughts}

SHE: Go on & accept that thought.

Me: I was thinking, "Didn't I read somewhere that Shankaracharya had died a few days before his 32nd birthday?....Wasn't it a few days before my 32nd birthday that I started wearing rudhrakshas.....And that too started with a 11 mukhi rudhraksha...Didn’t I read in Devi Bhagavatam that the fruit obtained through the performance of 1000 horse sacrifice [Asvamedha yagnas], 100 Vajapeya sacrifice and making gifts of 100,000 cows are obtained by wearing a 11 mukhi rudhraksha....Didn't the 2006 July Kadambari magazine also mention that  "The prescribed worship of the Sri Yantra, the Navavarana Puja, once performed, is equivalent to conducting 1,000 Asvamedha yajnas or horse sacrifices"

SHE: Go on & accept who you are.

Me: Fine Lalithamba, if YOU want me to accept it, I will, but only to YOU.....

SHE: Say it.

Me: I am Shankara, known to the world as Adi Shankaracharya........But Lalithamba I won't write about it...I just won't.....Not without further proof....These few thoughts are not 'good enough' for me to write & accept it.....See, I'm disobeying YOU..... Didn't YOU say that Adi Shankaracharya never disobeyed YOU.....This is my proof that I am not HIM.......

Silence

Me: No Lalithamba, I just won't write about it...Sorry.....Let me give YOU 2 reasons why

1. This doubt in me, this is YOUR doubt....Could this doubt have come if YOU didn't want it to come?
2. When YOU are not able to convince me, how do YOU expect to convince others that I am HIM? When YOU are not able to convince one single person - me, what kind of a GODDESS are YOU? Shouldn't I be 100% convinced that I am HIM?

Either way YOU look at it, YOU lose Lalithamba....YOU need to do better than that...I just won't write about it....Sorry.

Little did I realize what the MASTER PLANNER had in-store for me.

{As I type this:

SHE: Remember those questions?

Flashback on - those questions:

Why are the Upanishads not as interesting like those "New York's #1 best sellers" books??....Why didn't the Sages keep those books as intriguing as the modern science-friction books....If only they had, the Upanishads would be on the "New York's #1 best sellers" list...Weren't the Rishis and Sages aware of "sales & marketing" ?.....How to get & hold people's attention....

SHE: Stop writing now. }

   

  

Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu

My conversations with HER - Part 13

My conversations with HER - Part 13  – Written on 18th November 2011:

Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu

Happenings in Sept 2011:

Guruji taught us the MahaGanapathy tharpana and on 6th September I started doing it....The "turmeric water" after the tarpanam was finished, was taken as theertham by my family.... I also used the water while cooking & the remaining water was kept in a bottle for use the next day while bathing....I didn't want to waste the 'turmeric water' at all and thought that if all 3 of my family members use the water, maybe all the obstacles that would prevent us from meeting Guruji in India next month, would be removed.....

At the end of the tarpanam, I would say," Whatever is the merit of doing the MahaGanapathy tarpanam, I give it all back to YOU O BRAHMAN in the form of MahaGanapathy"....Maybe it was indeed due to the MahaGanapathy tarpanams but my desire to offer tarpanam to the "Rishis" and "Devas" also came true....I came across this site which had a good writeup on Deva & Rishi tarpanams and also had the mantras to be chanted....

Me: {Thinking} Can I do the Deva & Rishi tarpanams?

SHE: Didn't you ask Guruji if one can do additional prayers inaddition to what he teaches and didn't he say yes?

I was a little hesitant to pronounce the mantras in Sanskrit as I didn't know the language at all and was worried if I might mis-pronounce something.....I thought "English, Tamil & Telugu languages have helped me so far....I would rather do the tarpanam in a language that I'm familiar with, rather than risk doing it in a language that I don't know and hence won't know if I make a mistake"......I did print out the English manual from that website but didn't have it in front of me on that day when I sat down to do the tarpanams...

I wore all my rudhrakshas & invoked the guidance of all GODS

2 mukhi rudhraksha representing - Arthanareswara
3 mukhi rudhraksha representing - Agni deva
4 mukhi rudhraksha representing - Brahma deva
5 mukhi rudhraksha representing - Lord Shiva
6 mukhi rudhraksha representing - Muruga, Karthikeya
7 mukhi rudhraksha representing - Goddess Mahalakshmi, Sapta Rishis [Seven Eternal Sages], Sapta Naga Devargal [Seven Serpant Gods], Sapta Maatrikas [Seven MOTHERS]

8 mukhi rudhraksha representing - Lord Ganesha
9 mukhi rudhraksha representing - Goddess Durga
10 mukhi rudhraksha representing - Lord Vishnu, Lord Narayana
11 mukhi rudhraksha representing  - Lord Hanuman, The 11th form of Lord Rudra
12 mukhi rudhraksha representing - Surya deva
13 mukhi rudhraksha representing - Indra deva and Kama deva
14 mukhi rudhraksha representing - Lord Shiva
16 mukhi rudhraksha representing  - Maha Mrityunjaya form of Lord Shiva
17 mukhi rudhraksha representing - Katyani devi, the 6th form of Goddess Durga and Viswakarma
The Lakshi Saligram infront of whom I am to do the tarpanam  and

BRAHMAN

With YOU ALL as my WITNESS I begin to do my Deva, Rishi, Pitru & Karunya tarpanam....I don't know Sanskrit & hence am hesitant to chant the mantras in Sanskrit as I could very well mis-pronounce it and Sanskrit being such a tricky language, it might mean something totally different than what I intend to say...So, I continue to use the language that I've been using for Pitru & Karunya tarpanam.

BRAHMAN, YOU know all languages and not just Sanskrit...Please take the tarpanam offerings to these souls and help them ALL merge into YOU.

Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu - Whatever I'm going to do, I offer it all to BRAHMAN

Deva tarpanam:

As I sit facing the east direction, with my right leg's knee touching the ground {and not the left leg's knee}, I place the rice, white sesame seeds, darba grass and water in my hand and say & invoke 

All the GODS and GODDESS who have helped me, both in this lifetime and in the many previous lifetimes that I've had before

• Ganapathy
• Muruga/Karthikeya
• Lord Shiva & Parvathy
• Lord Narayana & Sri Lakshmi
• Lord Brahma & Saraswati
• Lord Ayappa
• Krishna and Rukmini/Radha
• Lord Indra and ALL the Gods in HIS court - Vayu deva, Varuna deva, Agni deva, Surya deva, Yama deva .......{Thinking}....I don't remember the names of the other Devas in the court, but ALL the Gods in Lord Indra's court, please accept this tarpanam....Dear Yama deva, please don't be angry with me that I'm asking everyone to merge into BRAHMAN.....Please don't be angry that the hells will be empty and YOU will have nothing to do......{As I type this now, I can't remember exactly what my words were, but what I meant to say was that, when Lord Yama HIMSELF preached to Nachiketa (in the Kathopanishad) on the real nature of the SELF, then how can HE be angry with me for saying the same thing during my tarpanams?}
• The Navagraha devas
• The Dikpalakas – Gods of the 8 directions
• The Gandharvas....{Thinking}...Are the Gandharvas and Apsaras also gods??....If YOU are, then I offer this tarpanam to YOU....If YOU are not, then YOU ALL are covered under the 'karunya tarpanam' category when I offer the karunya tarpanam to all forms of BRAHMAN in the 14 worlds...
• Sri Lalitha Tripura Sundari, Bala Tripura Sundari - my Divya Guru, Varahi and ALL the 64 crores of GODDESS who live in the Srichakra.......{Thinking}....I don't know if the GODDESS in Srichakra have their male counterparts, and if they do, then ALL of them as well.
• Durga devi
• I realize that I'm not intelligent enough to remember the names of ALL the GODS and GODDESS, so please forgive my ignorance for not personally saying YOUR name, but any GODS and GODDESS that I may have left out, you ALL are included as well.

Please accept this Deva tarpanam and bless me & my family.....Please forgive my ignorance for not properly offering you tarpanam but I have kept you waiting for a long time.....I do not wish to continue to do so....So until a time comes when I learn how to properly do the "Deva tarpanam", please accept this tarpanam and consider this as an "Appetizer" until the "Main course meal arrives"....YOU know, if one goes to a restaurant, then one sometimes orders an appetizer before the main dish and who knows, maybe this appetizer is all that it takes to please YOU....

Also, please, please don't test me anymore....I've failed enough lifetimes.....Before ANY one of YOU want to test me, please ask YOURSELF this question "Are YOU with me??....If yes, then I will pass YOUR test.....If not, then I will fail YOUR test......Krishna, isn't it because YOU were with the Pandavas that they won the Kurushetra war??....When YOU ALL are with me, how can I fail??......Now, that YOU know the answer as to if I'll pass or fail  YOUR test, why do YOU wish to test me??.......How can there be darkness when there is a million watt bulb with me?....Almost ALL of YOU have realized BRAHMAN.....Please bless me so that I too may personally experience IT.....Even me saying these things to YOU is because of YOUR grace....Please accept this Deva tarpanam and bless me & my family..Also, please bless me so that I may merge into BRAHMAN.

And I pour out the water along with the rice, sesame seeds & dharba grass to fall through the fingertips of my right hand.

Rishi tarpanam:

 As I sit facing the east direction, with my right leg's knee touching the ground {and not the left leg's knee}, I place the rice, white sesame seeds, darba grass and water in my hand and say & invoke

All the Rishis who've help me come this far in my spiritual path, both in this lifetime & in my many previous lifetimes, please accept this Rishi tarpanam

• Rishi of my maiden gotra ---- I understand that Sage Viswamitra is the Rishi of Kaushika gotra....If this understanding of mine is correct, then O Sage Viswamitra, somehow, somewhere or the other I am related to YOU.......YOU are my great-great-----------great grandfather and I am YOUR great-great-----------great granddaughter......YOU may have rejected Shakuntala, but wasn't that because YOU could continue YOUR spiritual quest to become a BRAHMARISHI??....Now that Sage Vasistha HIMSELF has acknowledged YOU as a BRAHMARISHI, why would YOU wish to reject my request for help......O Sage Viswamitra, if I correctly understand that the Rishi of the Kaushika gotra is YOU, then YOU are my grandfather, whether YOU like it or not and I am going to address YOU as Viswamitra thatha (grandfather)…..Viswamitra thatha, I thank YOU for 2 things - for giving the Gayatri mantra to the world and for also giving the SHREEM BRZEE mantra to the world....Both of these mantras have helped me.....I seem to have inherited 2 qualities from YOU ----- 1) Anger ---- Please teach me how YOU controlled YOUR anger and 2) The quest for BRAHMAN - to be a BRAHMARISHI......Won't YOU please teach me how YOU did it...How did YOU "make-it"??....I had read somewhere that YOU had guided Lord Rama as YOU were a King YOURSELF and hence knew the 'rules-of-the-game-of-Kingship'......If YOU helped Lord Rama, why won't YOU help me -- YOUR granddaughter???....Surely, YOU won't be partial, would YOU???.......Thatha, how many kaushika gotra people thank YOU for giving the Gayatri mantra to the world??......A few right??.....Out of that few, how many ask YOU for guidance to seek BRAHMAN??......Very very few right???....When I am among that few, why won't YOU help me?....Doesn't YOUR name mean "Friend of the world"?....When YOU can be the "friend of the world", then why won't YOU be my friend and help me??......Please help me thatha..
• Rishi of my married gotra -- Thank you for accepting me as the great-great-------great grand daughter-in-law into YOUR family.....I don't know YOUR name & hence I am unable to personally say YOUR name but nevertheless I thank YOU
• Agastiar Rishi ---- All that I knew was YOUR name and YOU have beautifully guided me to my present spiritual stage.....Thank YOU very much.
• Sage Vasistha ---- I also seek YOUR guidance.....Thank YOU for coming into my life in the form of the book Vasistha's Yoga....I have just started reading this book....Please bless me so that I may understand the wisdom contained in the book, so that I may understand the teachings that YOU give to Lord Rama.......And by the way Sage Vasistha, I just acknowledged Sage Viswamitra as my great-great----------great grandfather......I've read about the fights between the two of YOU and how King Harischandra was tested......Please, please don't test me......Please don't test me saying "Oh you are Sage Viswamitra's great, great------great grand daughter.....Let me test you similar to the way I tested your great, great------great grandfather"......I don't wish to be the 'guinea pig' like King Harischandra......If YOU still wish to test me, I tell YOU the same thing that I told the GODS and GODDESS in the Deva tarpanam.......Before YOU want to test me, please ask YOURSELF this question "Are YOU with me??....If yes, then I will pass YOUR test.....If not, then I will fail YOUR test.....Now that YOU know the answer as to if I'll pass or fail  YOUR test, why do YOU wish to test me??.......How can there be darkness when there is a million watt bulb with me?......Please, please don't test me anymore.
• To the Sapta Rishis {Thinking}…I don’t know your names….But thank you for coming into my life in the form of 7 mukhi rudhraksha beads.
• To all the Rishis who have directly or indirectly helped me in my past lifetimes, I thank YOU
• To all the Siddhas ........{Thinking}....Are Siddha's the same as Rishis???......Well, Sage Agastiar is a Siddha and also a Rishi.....So, on that basis, I consider all the Siddhas to be Rishis as well......To all the Siddhas who've directly or indirectly blessed me when I did the Arunachala girivalam earlier this year, I thank YOU
• Didn't I read in Devi Bhagavatham, that while describing the Manidweepa, it was mentioned that the Siddhas live in a 'palace' close to HER 'palace'....I remember this very well because I had thought "After ALL those prayers and meditations, why are the Siddhas just close to HER palace???...Why are they not ONE with HER??.......To all those Siddhas who live in a 'palace' close to HER, please accept this Rishi tarpanam and merge into HER.....And as YOU do so, please bless me & my family and bless me so that I too may merge into BRAHMAN.
• To the 4 Siddhas in the form of the boulders at the San Diego Pillai retreat center -  Agastiar,  Kagabujandar, Bhogar and Vishvamitra.....I thank YOU for YOUR blessings.
• Adi Shankaracharya, I thank YOU too for YOUR blessings....I have benefited from YOUR teachings too.
• Sage Veda Vyasa, I still don't know the 'formal' way to offer tarpanam to YOU but atleast this time I got the 'category' right....Please accept this Rishi tarpanam.

All of the above mentioned Rishis and Siddhas, most of YOU ALL are already ONE with BRAHMAN.....Will YOU please not help me to also merge into BRAHMAN?... I remember reading the Amar Chitra Katha - Tales of Durga storybook that SHE was born from the shakti of the various gods....Most of YOU Rishis are ONE with IT...Won't YOU share 1% of YOUR energy/wisdom so that I too can get close to IT.....If YOU cannot be happy with 99% shakti, then imagine how it must be for me who am at 0%.....Won't YOU please help me??...Please accept this Rishi tarpanam and bless me & my family....Please bless me so that I too may realize & practically experience BRAHMAN.

And I pour out the water along with the rice, sesame seeds & dharba grass to fall through the left side of the palm of my right hand.

Pitru tarpanam {As mentioned in My conversations with HER - Part 5 }...Ever since I started doing the Rishi tarpanam, I also think of Sage Viswamitra when doing my paternal pitru tarpanam.....

Karunya tarpanam {As mentioned in My conversations with HER - Part 5 }

Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu - Whatever I've done so far, whatever is the merit obtained by doing all these tarpanams, I offer it all to BRAHMAN.

Mahalaya paksha - September 2011

Last year at this time, I had wondered if women could do tarpanam and this time I wondered "How far have I come this year....What a journey it has been".....I remembered reading somewhere that if one is at Kasi and does the Mahalaya paksha tarpanam there using the Ganges water, then it greatly benefits one's forefathers....I thought "I'm here in USA, far far away from Kasi"....And my eyes fell on the small copper chombu (water pot) in my puja altar, that we had bought when we visited Kasi in the year 2007

   

"Even a drop of water from holy Ganga is enough", isn't that what Adi Shankaracharya said in HIS Bhaja Govindam.....Gangaajalalava kanikaa peetaa

So, I opened the copper water pot containing the Ganga water, and added a few drops of IT'S water to my "panjapatra" water....And during Mahalaya Paksha, everyday, I used this water to do my Deva, Rishi, Pitru and Karunya tarpanams and I told ALL of them "This water is now equivalent to the Ganges water....Please accept this tarpanam as if it was done using the Ganga water ITSELF"

  

Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu