My conversations with HER - Part 16

My conversations with HER - Part 16 – Written on 23rd November 2011:

Om Tat Sat Brahmmarpanamastu

October 2011 - A life changing month:

We were on our way to India for 3 weeks....There were lots of occasions in the family - my mother's 60th birthday celebrations, my brother-in-law's upanayanam {sacred thread ceremony} and wedding, our apartment grihapravesam, celebrate Deepavali in India after almost 6 years etc.......But there was just 1 event that I was greatly looking forward to ----- to finally meet my Guruji......As I finished doing the Ganapathy tharpanam on that Saturday, as we were leaving USA, I said an extra prayer to Ganapathy - please remove all the obstacles that prevent me from personally meeting my Guruji.....

I think it was during the Brussels-Chennai flight, that I thought I would mentally do the MahaGanapathy tharpanam, because 'technically' speaking, it was Sunday morning in USA...I realized that I had forgotten to write down the Guru mantram and I didn't know it by-heart....So, I thought of Guruji and said whatever I remembered of the Guru mantram "Something, something...........Sri Annapoornamba sahita, Sri Amritananda natha sriguru sripadukam pujayami tharpayami namaha" and I mentally chanted the MahaGanapathy tharpanam {which I had written down} and offered the merits of doing the tharpanam to MahaGanapathy present in my Mooladhara chakra and then ended it with "Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu"......The flight cabin-lights were off and almost everyone of the passengers were sleeping and as I sat watching-my-thoughts, my thoughts were:

Me: The 3 states - waking, dreaming and 'whatever' is the 3rd state....Why don't I remember the name of the 3rd state?

SHE: What does it matter when you are in the 4th state?

And then something happened.....It was not a question, or a doubt but a sentence

  

Me: Om Sivoham – Siva aham – I am Siva

The thought caught me off-guard

Me: But Lalithamba, how can that be? I don't have the complete Siddha mala ....I'm missing 3 rudhraksha beads out of the 16 beads in Siddha mala.... So does it not mean that I am 13/16 = 81.25% Siva ??

SHE: Is there such a thing as 81.25% Siva, 10% Siva or 99% Siva??....Either you are Siva or you are not....

Me: So, there is no black, white and grey area?? Is it just black & white?? Either I am Siva or not??

SHE: In the hightest form of duality, it is either a yes or a no....If you consider as per Advaita, all is ONE.....And the further you go away from THAT ONE, you have not only black, white & grey but a million different shades of the rainbow.

Me:  {Sat thinking over what SHE just said}

SHE: Go on & accept it.

Me: Accept what??

SHE: That thought that just came to you.

Me:  {Thinking: Ofcourse SHE knows what thought came to me}..My thought was --- Didn't I read in Devi Bhagavatham that one who wears a 14 mukhi rudhraksha - also called Deva Mani, in the end attains the Highest goal, the state of Siva and his/her body becomes verily the body of Siva

Me:  Okay, I accept it....I am Siva

SHE: Very clever, go on and also accept that other thought that came to you, while you were thinking of Siva.

Me:  {Thinking: Ofcourse SHE knows ALL my thoughts....How can I hide the thought from HER? }..My thought was ---- While looking for the meaning of the "Om Shivoham" song, didn't I read on that website that " Shankara =sam+kara. Sam = good. Kara= the doer. Sankara - The doer of good "......I am Shankara

SHE: Go on & accept it.

Me:  Silence

SHE: You have felt it, haven't you?

Me: YOU mean, YOU have given me the feeling.....But I know what YOU mean....Yes, I have felt it.

SHE: Go on & accept it

Me: {Still hesitating}

SHE: Don't you remember that incident?

Flashback on - that incident:

I think it was sometime in the year 2006 or 2007....I used to often chant the Bhaja Govindam...One day, I don't remember exactly but maybe I was moody or may have had an argument with my husband, but as I sat reading my Bhaja Govindam book, when I read the paragraphs

nárèstanabharanábhèdeùam
døúûvá má gá moháveùam,
etan-mámsavasádi-vikáram
manasi vicintaya váram váram.(3)

Seeing the seductive female form, do not fall prey to frenzied delusion. That (female form) is (but) a modification of flesh and fat. Think well thus in your mind and again and again.

ká te kánte kaste putraç
samsáro'yam atèva vicitraç,
kasya tvam kaç kuta áyátas-
tattvam cintaya tadihaq, bhrátah.(8)

Who is your wife? Who is your son? Exceedingly wonderful, indeed, is this empirical process! Of whom are you? Who are you? Whence have you come? O brother, think of that truth here.

ká te kántá-dhana-gata-cintá
vátula kim tava násti nivantá
trijagati sajjana sañgatir eká
bhavati bhavárïava-taraïe nauká.(13)

Why worry about wife, wealth, etc., O crazy one; is there not for you the one who ordains? In the three worlds, it is only the association with good people that can serve as the boat that can carry one across the sea of birth.

I was angry with Adi Shankaracharya....I said " O Shankara, what do YOU know what it takes to be a woman?...How could YOU describe a woman like this - as a 'thing' that traps men into delusion?....YOU are but a sanyasi... YOU have no idea what it takes to be a woman, what it takes to put up with all the nonsense that men think they know....How could YOU make such a big mistake? When the whole of vedic world shows YOU as an example of the 'perfect being', how could YOU leave out women?......YOU maybe Siva HIMSELF, but what is wrong, is wrong......YOUR work is incomplete because YOU have left out women...Don't YOU know that story about Siva?

That story about Siva:

This is a story that I grew-up listening....My mother would often tell us this story....One day Parvathy Devi, inorder to test Siva, hides an ant in a box to see if HE really provides food for ALL in the world...SHE asks HIM if HE had provided food to ALL & HE says yes....When Parvathy Devi opened the box, SHE is surprised to see that the ant had a grain of rice too...."Siva provides for us all" said my mother.

Shankara, how could YOU leave me out?? How were YOU not able to see me?? How come YOU didn't warn me?? Mine is a love-marriage, right?? So, that means that I was 'deluded' to think that I will have 'the perfect happiness' through this-form-called-my-husband......Shankara, I'm sorry to be the one to point this out to YOU, but the male form can be equally seductive and lead to delusion as well......So, there is a glitch in YOUR work, there is an error in YOUR work.....YOUR work is incomplete and YOU will have to come back to Earth to correct it......And by the way, if YOU do decide to come back to Earth, come back as a woman.....Then perhaps, YOU will know what it takes to be a woman.....And if YOU decide to come back, YOU might also want to come back as a person who doesn't know Sanskrit, because YOU see in this 21st century, if YOU go around preaching in Sanskrit, noone including me, will understand YOU.

A few days later, I felt bad for scolding Adi Shankaracharya and asking HIM to come back to Earth...I thought "Poor guy, HE has attained Moksha and I asked HIM to come back to Earth".....So I had apologized to HIM...I had said " I apologize for saying all those things to YOU.....But Shankara, YOUR work is incomplete and I will not apologize for saying that....If YOU have written something that says that both forms - man and woman are a delusion, then I have not yet come across that article and when I do, I will then apologize to YOU but until then, I won't.

SHE: Why do you think those thoughts came to you?..Of all the people in this world, why were you the only one who thought Adi Shankaracharya's work was incomplete?

Me: Silence

SHE: What were your thoughts when you heard the Bhavani Ashtakam?

Me:The very first paragraph of the Bhavani Ashtakam , when I read the meaning

Na Taato Na Maataa Na Bandhur-Na Daataa
Na Putro Na Putrii Na Bhrtyo Na Bhartaa |
Na Jaayaa Na Vidyaa Na Vrttir-Mama-Iva
Gatis-Tvam Gatis-Tvam Tvam-Ekaa Bhavaani ||1||

Meaning:
1.1: Neither the Father, nor the Mother; Neither the Relation and Friend, nor the Donor,
1.2: Neither the Son, nor the Daughter; Neither the Servant, nor the Husband,
1.3: Neither the Wife, nor the (worldly) Knowledge; Neither my Profession,
1.4: You are my Refuge, You Alone are my Refuge, Oh Mother Bhavani.

I then apologized to Adi Shankaracharya....Why? Because HE had included both, HE said that neither the husband nor the wife is the refuge. Only HER - Bhavani

SHE: Why do you think HE wrote that song?

Me: How do I know?

SHE: HE wrote it because HE had realized HIS mistake.

Me: Great! ....YOU expect me to believe that Shankaracharya realized that HE had made a mistake & hence that song....

Silence

{As I sat thinking over the recent thoughts}

SHE: Go on & accept that thought.

Me: I was thinking, "Didn't I read somewhere that Shankaracharya had died a few days before his 32nd birthday?....Wasn't it a few days before my 32nd birthday that I started wearing rudhrakshas.....And that too started with a 11 mukhi rudhraksha...Didn’t I read in Devi Bhagavatam that the fruit obtained through the performance of 1000 horse sacrifice [Asvamedha yagnas], 100 Vajapeya sacrifice and making gifts of 100,000 cows are obtained by wearing a 11 mukhi rudhraksha....Didn't the 2006 July Kadambari magazine also mention that  "The prescribed worship of the Sri Yantra, the Navavarana Puja, once performed, is equivalent to conducting 1,000 Asvamedha yajnas or horse sacrifices"

SHE: Go on & accept who you are.

Me: Fine Lalithamba, if YOU want me to accept it, I will, but only to YOU.....

SHE: Say it.

Me: I am Shankara, known to the world as Adi Shankaracharya........But Lalithamba I won't write about it...I just won't.....Not without further proof....These few thoughts are not 'good enough' for me to write & accept it.....See, I'm disobeying YOU..... Didn't YOU say that Adi Shankaracharya never disobeyed YOU.....This is my proof that I am not HIM.......

Silence

Me: No Lalithamba, I just won't write about it...Sorry.....Let me give YOU 2 reasons why

1. This doubt in me, this is YOUR doubt....Could this doubt have come if YOU didn't want it to come?
2. When YOU are not able to convince me, how do YOU expect to convince others that I am HIM? When YOU are not able to convince one single person - me, what kind of a GODDESS are YOU? Shouldn't I be 100% convinced that I am HIM?

Either way YOU look at it, YOU lose Lalithamba....YOU need to do better than that...I just won't write about it....Sorry.

Little did I realize what the MASTER PLANNER had in-store for me.

{As I type this:

SHE: Remember those questions?

Flashback on - those questions:

Why are the Upanishads not as interesting like those "New York's #1 best sellers" books??....Why didn't the Sages keep those books as intriguing as the modern science-friction books....If only they had, the Upanishads would be on the "New York's #1 best sellers" list...Weren't the Rishis and Sages aware of "sales & marketing" ?.....How to get & hold people's attention....

SHE: Stop writing now. }

   

  

Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu

My conversations with HER - Part 10

My conversations with HER - Part 10 - Written on 14th November 2011:

Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu

(cont)....."Blessed" July 2011:

I was to later learn that the reason SHE wanted me to stay back at home was because all SHE wanted, was for me to "mentally renounce my attachments" to my family.....I would later think "That thing that Bhagavat Gita talks about - One who see action in inaction and inaction in action, That's what YOU were trying to teach me, wasn't it Lalithamba?"

Since it was now proved that I did indeed have a big ego, I did go & apologize to my husband.....I did tell him "You said I could do whatever I wanted with my salary"......And he said "Why do you not remember the other part of that sentence?? .....If you were brave enough to do as you please, you must have been ready to walk out as well......What's stopping you from doing that??".......The best answer to that question, at that time???...SILENCE.

The repercussions were not as severe as I had imagined or feared it to be......I thought "Maybe SHE has indeed taken responsibility for my actions"


The other thing that I had done was to sign my husband and I for the Morning Fire labs {Homas} at the San Diego Pillai retreat center for the whole month of July......This was a morning homam that I had been calling-in to listen to, since Christmas 2010.....That 40 minutes in the morning was the best part of the day......It's really amazing that foreigners/Americans could be so devoted to Vedic practices...


Also while randomly browsing about Srividya, I had found the Sri Rajarajeswari Peetham website at Rush, New York....While looking at the Guru Lineage I noticed that it had Guruji's name and I thought "Guruji seems to be following me these days.....Or am I following him??...Didn't the Meppad temple guru lineage also mention Guruji's name?? "

At the Sri Rajarajeswari temple in New York, there was to be a Chandi homam in July and my family participated in that as well.....While again re-reading this website:

An inner voice: Do you not recognize this temple??

 

 

Me: Could this be the same temple?? In July 2007, didn't we stop at this temple on our way back from Niagara Falls?? It was almost noon and the temple was empty....We prayed for a few minutes and I really liked HER idol at this temple....While reading the notice-board at the temple, I had read that the main priest of the temple was from Srilanka and I had thought "Oh...I  thought this was an Indian temple.....What a coincidence that they have the same forms of Gods in Srilanka too"

I didn't know anything better about the background of the temple.


Guru Poornima - July 2011:

This was the first Guru Poornima that I remember.....Last year, this was just-another-day & I didn't know the significance of this day....However this year, I wanted to thank Sage Veda Vyasa but didn't know how.....So, I did the only thing that I could think of.....That day, while performing the 'Karunya tharpanam', at the end of it, I also offered Karunya tharpanam to Sage Veda Vyasa and any gurus that I may have had in the previous lifetimes.....I had said " I don't know how else to thank you Sage Veda Vyasa & any gurus that I may have had in the past."......I had told Sage Vyasa "You had mentioned in the Krishna Bhagavatham that every person born is automatically indebted to 3 people - pitrus, rishis and gods.....I'm repaying my debts to the pitrus but don't know how to repay my debts to the other 2 categories of people.......You know, in this 21st century, whenever you go to a bank & take a home loan, they give you a "repayment plan".....It's not fair that you just say that one is indebted to these people without giving a "repayment option" to fully repay the debt { The Krishna Bhagavatham book I had read mentioned that you repay pitrus by begetting a son, repay rishis by reading the scriptures and repay gods by performing homas.......Atleast that's what I remembered}........So, until I learn how to properly do the 'guru tharpanam' and 'deva tharpanam', I offer Karunya tharpanam to you today.......Please forgive my ignorance for not knowing how to thank you properly and please accept this karunya tharpanam......And by the way, could you please soon send me my Guru ??"

That whole day, I was paranoid if something "bad" would happen.....Why??....You see, I had just changed a whole category of tharpanam......I had offered Veda Vyasa tharpanam in the 'karunya tharpanam' category.....Whenever the fear came that I have made a mistake, I said "I didn't do anything.....Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu"

Also, on this day, was when Arjunaacharya mentioned that the pooja will be started at the Meppad temple in Kerala....

I had thought "Where are you my Guru??.....How much longer should I wait??..." I had read that the bond between a Guru & disciple is age-old and continues lifetime after lifetime.....I had thought "Are you thinking of me, my Guru??...Are you as eager to meet me, as I am to meet you??"

Arjunaacharya's Om Shivoham ring-tone and it's TSUNAMI effect:

How could a person do so much by doing so little??.....Answer: By having the perfect cell phone  ring tone !!!

When I had first telephoned Arjunaacharya, I was startled by his cell phone ring tone.....It was the first time I listened to the Om Shivoham song from the Tamil movie "Naan Kadavul"....There was something magical about the song....A few weeks later, when I called him back, I was actually praying that he not answer his phone.....Why???....I wanted to listen to his ring-tone and needed a reason to call him back again....I don't know if Arjunaacharya remembers it, but I called him twice on that day....And this time, I noted down the words of the song....Why??...So that I could 'google' it....

The first link that I found was some Vijav TV show and as soon as the singer Vijay Prakash started singing, all that I could think of was the singer in King Akbar's court --Tansen.....I remembered reading somewhere that Tansen could make the leaves of a tree fall down by just singing in the appropriate raga.....Vijay Prakash's voice was a voice fit to sing for Lord Shiva.....More googling followed, which finally lead me to the Om Shivoham song .....Maybe it was because of the headphones or maybe it was something else, but that song went right into my soul --- and shook it up......Now, how can something as simple as a song have that kind of an effect on you??....I must have spent a few hours listening to that song...

I was also reminded of aacharya's note on Facebook that spoke about an upasaka's comment after listening to a music performance that "listening to a mature music performance was equal to performing a Srichakra puja"......Since I knew neither {music nor Srividya} I had mentioned that the next time I listen to 'a music' that moves me, maybe I would think "That's what that upasaka meant".....So I emailed the song to aacharya and to make a long story short, I learnt 3 things from that email chain

1. Aacharya was a 5th generation direct disciple of Sri Bhaskararaya Makhi.....Who was this Sri Bhaskararaya Makhi?? I had no idea.
2. I still had an ego
3. I found my "Viswakarma"......One of my 3 conditions on my "giving-something-back-to-the-society" project

First, I had to see what the movie "Naan Kadavul" was all about...And I did....And what an excellent movie it is!!!.....There were 2 Sanskrit dialogues in the movie that plunged right into my soul......I had no clue what they meant....I found it on youtube and wondered if aacharya could help me understand what the dialogues meant....So, I sent him the link to those scenes....And there was no response and I couldn't find the meaning online too.....I had asked HER "Did YOU ask aacharya not to respond???....YOU must have, if he isn't answering......Why did YOU do that??....He is the only guy who I know, who knows Sanskrit and YOU asked him not to respond...Well, GOD helps those who help themselves right??....If noone is going to help me, I'll help myself....I give myself some credit, I must have known Sanskrit in atleast one of my many previous lifetimes......And I know that because these dialogues have such an impact on me".....And I watched those scenes, again and again and again......I wrote down word by word the initial Sanskrit verses:

"Janma karma ca me divyam, evam yo vetti tattvatah, tyaktva deham punar janma

Satya Prabavam, Divya Prakasham, Mantra Swaroopam, Nishkalamkoham, Nijapoorna bodham, Gatya Gadmaham, Nitya Brahmoham, Satya Pramanam, Moola Prameyam, Ayam Brahmasmi, Aham Brahmsami "

The first line I found in Bhagavat Gita, Chapter 4 - text 9....The rest of it, all I understood at first was "...........All that is BRAHMAN, I am BRAHMAN"....And I had thought "I know that.....I know all that is BRAHMAN & I am BRAHMAN, but what I don't know is WHAT is BRAHMAN??".....How is it that IT is present in all??...How can one be present in opposites like fire & water, earth & sky, air and rain??...And why are the Gods helpless without BRAHMAN....The first time I read about BRAHMAN was perhaps when I was still in school, maybe when I was around 10 years old.....My father had brought us the Amar chitra katha -Tales from upanishads storybook and my first thought was "How can Amar chitra katha make such a spelling mistake...Shouldn't it be "brahmin" instead of "BRAHMAN"??......Well, the stories in the book had nothing to do with "brahmin" and the 1st seed of curiosity was then planted.....What is this BRAHMAN???

The movie Naan Kadavul also spoke about how one doesn't take rebirth if a "particular group of aghori" bless your burning corpse....It did feel scary and made me think "Why am I watching these kind of movies??" .....And then I thought "If I'm searching for the Higher Truth and if BRAHMAN is that highest truth, then I must be comfortable enough atleast watching these scenes.....These aghoris too are forms of BRAHMAN....Their path too is, one way to reach the Higher Truth, even though it may not be my path..."

July 2006 Kadambari magazine:

The main thing that initially attracted me to Srividya was the mention that inorder for a person to be initiated into tantra, it must be his/her last incarnation on earth or if a person gets initiated, it becomes his/her last birth...And while researching about Srividya, I had found the 2006 July Kadambari magazine on scribd and while reading it, on page 45 of the magazine, I quote:

"Anakapalle Gurugaru, Guruji’s Guru – an avadhoota, an adept in 42 of 64 tantras – said of Guruji in one of his speeches that for his tapas on brahma jnana, he should have been in samadhi forever – but because of Devi’s will, He came to build this temple at Devipuram"

It was an excellent article, only that on reading the above line, the 'castle-of-hopes-on-moksha' that I had built up, CAME CRASHING DOWN.....I said to myself "If someone like Guru Amritananda, irrespective of his tapas, had to come to earth because of HER WILL, then what about an ignorant person like me??.....So, isn't 'moksha' permanent?....Is 'moksha' also temporary??"......It was a very disturbing thought and very very deep....For a while, I lost all interest in spirituality...What was I pursuing??? For what??? When it is all HER will, what does it matter if I'm enlightened or an ignorant fool??.....And then the thoughts-in-my-head go:

• Do you still want SriVidya?
• If I say no, it means that I wanted SriVidya only because of 'moksha' and now that I know that there are no 'guarantees', I'm backing out, which means that I'm selfish....and which means that no matter how 'pure' it sounds, 'moksha' was still like a business-agreement with HER....Like me saying 'conditions apply' to HER, to get HER vidya........
• If I say yes, it means that I go through all those 'protocols' and 'work' and in the end, I may still have to come back to earth if it's HER will.....
• Can't I have them both??? SriVidya & moksha??
• Well, if Guru Amritananda irrespective of his tapas, had to come to earth because of HER will, what chance do I stand??

And so, continued the back and forth thoughts and I couldn't, with 100% conviction say that I wanted SriVidya....It was like I was in 'Trishanku swarga'...Neither here nor there....I couldn't say with 100% conviction that I wanted it nor that I didn't want it....

An answer through Sri Bhaskararaya Makhi:

 

I didn't know who this was and so googled info about the Guru of aacharya.......It took me to this website and one thing that really awed me was the mention that Lalithamba was seated on Sri Bhaskararaya makhi's shoulders & hence it was impossible to defeat him in spiritual debates........I had wondered  "How did you get HER to do that??.....SHE doesn't seem to hear my prayers, how did you get HER to sit on your shoulders??"......I had told Sri Bhaskararaya Makhi, "You know if God doesn't hear someone's prayers, I've read that the next best thing to do is approach God's devotees because God can never refuse the request of a sincere devotee.....You had somehow got HER to sit on your shoulder....SHE doesn't seem to hear my prayers, so if you don't mind, can you please sit on my shoulder??......You know if A = B and B = C, then A = C right??......If you sit on my shoulder, then it means that indirectly SHE is sitting on my shoulder.....Won't you please do that??"

While reading further on the same website on reading the the 2nd lakShaNas listed, it answered the deep question that had been bothering me for so long....I quote from the above site

"Prema which involves a desire of any kind cannot be bhakti. Many worship the Lord for various desires and some for mokSha or salvation. shAstra rejects both these attitudes as ashuddha bhakti. A true bhakta showers prema on the Lord without any desire, be it bhukti or mukti...Till the ghost of desire for bhukti and mukti lingers in one's heart, how can true premarUpI bhakti arise?.. Moreover, mokSha kAmi is the greatest of kAmi-s."

It was then that I realized that my bhakti, no matter how 'pure' it sounded to me, was still an ashuddha bhakti.

I thought I would email Arjunaacharya & change my sankalpa for the upcoming Varahi Kola Mukhi puja and Mahalakshmi puja but then I thought it would be easier if I told HER directly...So, I said " Please just cancel all that I had written in my sankalpa.... I don’t want anything from YOU - neither a desire for a daughter nor a desire for ‘moksha’....Now, what do you want me to do??   If Srividya is YOUR vidya and YOU choose who gets it, what role do I have to play??” ....And that day on 2nd August 2011, before I left work, I casually visited the Devipuram website and under “Latest from the Guru” section, it said  “Sri Vidya online course – Basic Level”……….And I cried..

4th August 2011 was when I received an email from Guruji with guidelines on how to signup for the class....I was overjoyed to finally find HIM.....Find my GURU...Then something caught my attention in Guruji's email...He had mentioned that he will be teaching about the Kaula maarga of Srividya.....I had thought " Is that what I think it is??.....The websites that I had read, did it not mention that the Kaula maarga or the left hand path of Srividya also uses the 5 M's....There was just one M that I was terrified about --- Maithuna....I had wondered "What is this 5 M thing??...I thought all that was needed was to chant a few prayers, show a few mudras and then BOOM you are enlightened.." {Sorry Guruji, but it was all HER doing...All HER thinking }...And then the thoughts in my head go:

I've already lost one chance at Srividya when due to ignorance, I didn't recognize the offer of Srividya initiation from the Meppad Temple...Should I miss this chance too??...They say opportunity knocks once but I'm blessed to have come in contact with Guruji..

So, I told HER " I don't want to again let my fears and ignorance get the better of me....I don't know anything about YOUR vidya....So, if that 5th M is maithuna indeed, then YOU need to find me a loophole....Didn't I read on that website that Adi Shankaracharya had used his yogic powers to enter into the body of that king to answer the questions raised by Ubhayabharati ??.....Do something like that to me too....Maybe I will be in a coma for a month or something...I don't know...Just find me a loophole....YOU are the expert in finding loopholes isn't it??.....How many stories have I read that talks about people asking Gods for boons, only for YOU to find a loophole in them --- Mahabali,  Hiranyakashipu, Markendeya, Savitri { and Satyavaan}, Shishupala etc....Do something, anything and find me a loophole..It's YOUR problem how YOU do it..."

{As I type this now I wonder, when I had told HER that I won’t ask HER for anything, why did I ask HER to find me a loophole?.....Simple answer – At that time, this question didn’t come.}

Guruji, I remember very well, the very first online class and your first words to us....You had said "Hi friends"....I was on "cloud 9" the whole day...I had thought "Guruji said I was his friend......His friend" and I thought " You know what Guruji, you are not just my friend, you are my BEST FRIEND....People who say kundalini cannot rise in a single day have not met you Guruji"......Those 2 words were enough to take the kundalini right upto a few inches above the Sahasrara chakra and all my fears about "a strict Guru" were vaporized, and why not Guruji, when you are my BEST FRIEND??

All your talks, your words, your simple nature, your 'innocent' attitude was enough to make me realize that you are a Brahmarishi....Only someone who is ONE with IT can be so humble, so free, so friendly with everyone.....Guruji, it has taken me several years to find You, but every single micro-second of it was worth the wait, was worth it for me to meet You and have You in my life......I have thanked Siddha Guru Swaprakasananda a number of times......Why??......For giving you the PERFECT name --Amritananada.....Amrita = nectar; Ananda = bliss......Not just any bliss, but the bliss of the nectar of immortality......My savior, my best friend, my Guru Sri Amritananda

Can I be blessed with a seva like this?

At your feet Guruji.

Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu.