"Giving-something-back-to-the-society" project

“Giving-something-back-to-the-society” project ---- Written on 10th December 2011:

Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu

My Dear Guruji,

I'm reminded that I have left out this item, in my writings....

Guruji, when I met YOU on 17th October 2011 and mentioned about this giving-something-back-to-the-society project,

Me: All that is missing now is Kubera and maybe once that happens, this project can begin.

Guruji: When one gets started on the project, all good things automatically follows.

  

Giving-something-back-to-the-society project:

Few years ago [I dug up my diary and it was actually on 28th Jan 2006], a thought came to me that "If time and money" were not a constraint [ie I had unlimited time and unlimited money], what would I do?.... I had written in a diary, a number of things beginning with materialistic things and ended up with giving-something-back-to-the-society....I said, well,  EVEN IF I had unlimited time & money, I still need a group of experts who know Vaastu & temple architecture to guide me.....And I told God, if this is your WILL, that this "giving-something-back-to-the-society project" should happen, you need to send me Lakshmi Devi/Kubera and also Viswakarma !!.....Even few months ago [February - March 2011], when my husband casually & jokingly reminded me of my "giving-something-back-to-the-society project", I said to myself, I have not yet met the 'initial conditions' ie time and money, let alone Viswakarma....If it is God's wish, maybe we would win the lottery & have money [read 'Lakshmi/Kubera'] but what about Viswakarma?? Is Viswakarma going to come out of thin air???

Well, BRAHMAN,

1. YOU brought Viswakarma into my life on 28th July 2011 in the form of Sri K.P Umapathy Aacharya   {Mentioned in "My conversations with HER - Part 10" of the series}
2. YOU brought HER - Lalithamba, into my life in the form of Sri Vidya - HER Vidya on 7th August 2011 {My Lakshmi Devi} {Mentioned in "My conversations with HER - 2" of the series}
3. And YOU revealed YOURSELF as ME on 31st October 2011 { My Kubera ---- Is there a greater wealth than one's own SELF?}

Sometime in June 2011:

One of the homas that Arjunaacharya {at the Meppad Temple } had recommended was the Sharabeswar homa....As I was 'researching' about what that homa meant, one of the websites that I came across was this site and I happened to read this pdf document .....It took me almost a week to finish reading the whole document and

  

Me: SHE told Dr Maneesh about the same thing that I had in mind.....It sounds almost like my giving-something-back-to-the-society project

The project:

This "random thought" came to me one day as I was reading some "Amar Chitra Katha" storybook.....I vaguely recall the book to be Amar Chitra Katha - Stories from Mahabharatha.....Page 1 of the storybook had a picture of a Yagna sthala and a few sages performing some yagna....So I had thought "Maybe one day, when I have all the time and money in the world, I can build a similar Yagna sthala.....A place where homas are done everyday to benefit people and mankind.....And who knows, maybe this Kali Yuga may not be so bad after all.....Not if such regular homas are done everyday"........

And I would day-dream, adding more details as time went by......I would imagine how the place would look like ------ a huge rectangular corridor which surrounds a pond-like structure in the middle, something similar to the Madurai Meenakshi Amman temple tank {at Madurai, India}....The pond would have

• Sky-blue colour bottom, something similiar to the modern swimming pools,
• Be filled with lotus flowers
• And in the middle of it, would be a little gopuram with a big 3D Srichakra

There would be a total of 108 homa kundams in the corridor and the corridor height would be very tall-enough to let the smoke out of the homa kundam.....No drawings or paintings on the corridor ceilings as they may get stained by the smoke...The outer side of the corridors will have various perennials plants, trees and flowers...Something like how Amar Chitra Katha describes all those hermitages of the sages...The place would be something like heaven on earth.....And ofcourse, there will be rudhraksha bead wall hangings, something like this ,  this and this on the corridors.....All of the 21 mukhis of rudhrakshas

There would also be a residence place for all the priests/pundits to stay and maybe a small vedic-school where 'vedic pundits' are trained...

And if the area is big enough, maybe also a Kalyana Mandapam {Marriage Hall}

October 2011 - As I stood in queue at Tirupathi:

Someone in the queue ahead of us was eating some raw peanuts and dropping the shells on the floor....I told him once "Don't drop it on the floor...Put it in the dustbin"...He nodded his head, a few minutes later, continued what he was doing.

Me: Lalithamba, why did YOU give him that thought?..Couldn't YOU have made him put it in the dustbin?....Look how dirty the whole queue area is - people dropping their tea cups, peanut shells etc...What makes one think that they can dirty HIS place [Tirupathi Balaji's place], stand in queue for a few hours, pray to HIM & HE will give people whatever they ask of HIM...

And as I looked to the other side, I saw a pond, surrounded by green vegetation and I was reminded of my giving-something-back-to-the-society project....I thought "Will the Yagna sthala also be dirty like this??...Why aren't Indians more responsible towards their environment??...Take most of NRIs....All that they have to do is, step into India and they resume their old behavior of dirtying their surroundings....The same people who, when in USA, Singapore etc take the trouble to properly 'trash' items, just throw it around in the streets in India."

Me: Lalithamba, if YOU are not going to do anything to make Indians be more responsible towards their surroundings, why do YOU want me to start the Yagna sthala project?.....Yes, the homas, pujas etc will help people, but is that all that there is??....Doesn't the outer environment matter at all?

SHE: What would you do if you were ME?

Me: Why do YOU want to know?.....As if it matters what I think....It's all YOUR doing anyway, isn't it?

SHE: Remember that sentence that you told your aacharya?

Flashback on - "that sentence that I told aacharya":

 ......but for YOU = HER, that is like being in hand with the creator to make a better world, to anonymously change the life of many people......I don't mean to contribute to your ego/mind but given that there are only a handful of enlightened people who are THERE, isn't it like 'you' being on HER side to help HER help humanity? Aren't YOU = HER on the same team?.....

SHE: Now that you have received the Maha Sodasi Mantra and YOU = ME, tell me what you would do.

Me: Fine...If it was me, if I am YOU, then I would make people earn-the-right to have such a place in India...Right now, according to me, they don't...Let me tell YOU what I think....YOU then do what YOU want

• YOU preach advaita right??...Then what difference does it make to YOU where this place is?....If this place is in India or abroad?
• If anything, some of the vedic people that I've come across, have this huge ego that India is such-a-punya-boomi and the rest of the world, compared to India, is a bad place to be.....If YOU are really an expert in advaita, how are YOU going to change this mentality?....What does a MOTHER do if HER child misbehaves??...What do I do if my 3 year old son misbehaves??.....I take away his toy and give it back to him only if he corrects his behavior.
• Lalithamba, even if all of these are my 'human/biased' thoughts, even if YOU were to tell me that, I have only 2 main things to point out to YOU.......Let's assume that this Yagna Sthala is built in Chennai, India, like the way YOU told Dr. Maneesh and Narasimha Rao of Vedic wisdom yahoo group , will YOU be able to overcome 2 main obstacles 1) In allowing ALL people --- irrespective of their caste, religion, belief or non-belief in God, to come & participate in the homas?....2) YOU are a woman, right Lalithamba??....Will YOU be able to allow women to come & participate in the homas irrespective of their monthly periods??.....Is India evolved enough to let that happen??.....I have a doubt Lalithamba....YOU call YOURSELF the MOTHER of all, Srichakra "houses" 64 crores of Devis, right??...... So, in a month, at any given time, atleast one of YOUR Devis must be having HER monthly periods, right??....So, how do people know when-to-pray-to-which-Devi??.....What if people pray to one of YOUR DEVIS when SHE is having HER monthly period??......Will SHE say "I refuse to answer your prayers now, as the timing is not correct?".....And if this rule doesn't apply to YOUR DEVIS, why do YOU let it happen to mortal-women?.....Could it have happened that way if YOU didn't want it to happen?....Atleast outside India, the rules are not this strict.....People - the very same Indians, in USA, would think twice before they dare say such a thing to an American woman......Atleast, when in USA, they might fear that they might be sued for "racial or gender discrimination"......Didn't aacharya mention something about some NRI contacting him recently about starting  some project related to "vedic practices"??.....Well, put that NRI in-touch with PVR Narasimha Rao, tell them about the change-in-venue and get the project started....
• If I am YOU, then I would start this project in USA....I would have P.V.R Narasimha Rao of the "Vedic wisdom yahoo group" head this project.....He's already sincerely following what YOU asked him to do...He has started the Homam movement   & has got a few thousands of people regularly do it in their homes....So, it's upto YOU to re-appear before him and his Guru Dr. Maneesh and tell them that "there-has-been-a-change-of-venue"....YOU really want to preach advaita??.....Get the project started in USA.....Maybe at a later stage, this project can happen in India too....Even if YOU were to tell me that USA is not-such-a-punya-boomi, let me ask YOU this --- What better place to start this project, but at the very place that is not-such-a-punya-boomi??
• These are just my thoughts Lalithamba.....Do what YOU want....

I was then reminded of all those questions that I had asked HER {My conversations with HER - Part 22 }....So

Me:  Lalithamba, how many more of YOUR mistakes do YOU want me to point out?...Who is YOUR boss Lalithamba??...Who do YOU report to??...I have a list-of-complaints-against-YOU......BRAHMAN, are YOU HER boss??...Just wait till I find YOU BRAHMAN..

Silence

And I continued chanting the Maha Sodasi mantra {and giving away the merit of chanting it}, so that I could find BRAHMAN & get some answers !!


After the incident on the return flight on 31st October 2011:

• BRAHMAN, if YOU alone are real, if everything else is just an illusion, then why do YOU want me to start that giving-something-back-to-the-society project??....Isn't that too unreal??
• Didn't you benefit from all those homas that you had done??...Did you not immediately feel the difference?

Once I came back to USA, I did contact P.V.R Narasimha Rao & tell him about the-change-in-venue and there is no response from him....So, maybe these were "just thoughts" that I should have been "just-watching" and not "respond to"...

Guruji, I had this "overwhelming instinct" to write down my experiences....And hence these writings....The only thing that I was seeking in this lifetime is the "Highest Truth" and I've realized IT.....I've also realized that one can do all the preaching that one wants but it's upto the recipient on how s/he takes it---- upto HER on the kind of thoughts SHE gives a person.....Guruji, I really don't know anything at all......Everything that is said in the Bhavani Ashtakam applies to me too....

I know YOU Guruji.....I know that YOU are in me, as my inner Guru.....That's all I know....And for me, that's good enough...

So, with YOUR permission, I go back to remain anonymous.

At YOUR feet Guruji, 

Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu

*** Update:  “Giving-something-back-to-the-society” project ---- Written on 3rd  January 2012:

Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu


My Dear Guruji,

On 31st December 2011, as simple-as-that, a thought came to me:

·   What do you think Dr. Pillai's San Diego Pillai retreat center is doing, if not the very thing that you said?....The project has already begun in USA...Daily homas are being done at the Pillai retreat center.

Guruji, I've also noticed a few changes in Dr. Pillai's messages....He has now asked for 'daily Siddha Blessing' ritual to be done at the retreat center "in order to bring in great light and wisdom for the planet"......Somewhere on his website, He said that in recent meditations, Goddess Angali Amman revealed to Him that SHE will awaken & live again with HER full power...


Guruji, "something" tells me, my conscious tells me that the Golden Age will begin in 2012....IT tells me "Didn't you ask all the Siddhas to merge into HER?.....Didn't you ask HER to awaken from HER slumber?"
 

Sometime during early November 2011:

One day, I had an urge to chant the Maha Sodasi mantra and I chanted one round of it, using my rudhraksha mala....On finishing the chant, I placed my hands on the ground and gave deeksha to "not just to MOTHER EARTH but the entire COSMOS" and said "Whatever is the merit obtained by chanting the Maha Sodasi mantra on a rudhraksha mala, I give it all back to YOU BRAHMAN.....May the entire COSMOS be benefitted".


Upon completion of the chant, my thoughts:

·   What were you doing?

·   I chanted the Maha Sodasi mantra and gave away whatever merit is obtained on chanting the mantra on a rudhraksha mala...Didn't I read in Devi Bhagavatham, that doing japam on a rudhraksha mala is a few lakh or crore times extra punya compared to doing japam without using a rudhraksha mala?....So I gave away all the merit.

·   You, by chanting the Maha Sodasi Mantra may have gained a few lakh or crore times punya....But if you had remained in “silence”, when you are IT, then you are at "infinity"....Which one do you think is greater? ---- Giving away a few lakh or crore times punya??  Or being at "infinity" times punya?

Silence

 After a few minutes,

·   BRAHMAN, couldn't YOU have told me this before I started chanting?....Why did YOU wait until I finished chanting to tell me this? It is all YOUR fault.

·   You are the one who keeps asking for "practical experience" isn't it?

·   Only because YOU make me ask it....Stop putting the blame on me and start taking responsibility for YOUR actions...Could I have done it if YOU didn't want me to?

Silence

After a while,

·   BRAHMAN, if I don't chant the Maha Sodasi Mantra, I might forget the mantra.

·   When the very purpose of the mantra is to make you forget that you are "not separate from IT", then the mantra is working, isn't it? When you are BRAHMAN, all that you need to remember is THAT. There is nothing else to remember.

And I stopped chanting the Maha Sodasi Mantra after that....I chant it occasionally when there is an inner urge to chant it, to give deeksha to someone...If not, I don't.


And now, IT tells me, that the entire COSMOS has benefitted from that deeksha...A golden age will indeed be born in 2012....The consciousness of mankind "will undergo a change", a change for the good.


At Your feet Guruji,

Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu

My conversations with HER - Part 10

My conversations with HER - Part 10 - Written on 14th November 2011:

Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu

(cont)....."Blessed" July 2011:

I was to later learn that the reason SHE wanted me to stay back at home was because all SHE wanted, was for me to "mentally renounce my attachments" to my family.....I would later think "That thing that Bhagavat Gita talks about - One who see action in inaction and inaction in action, That's what YOU were trying to teach me, wasn't it Lalithamba?"

Since it was now proved that I did indeed have a big ego, I did go & apologize to my husband.....I did tell him "You said I could do whatever I wanted with my salary"......And he said "Why do you not remember the other part of that sentence?? .....If you were brave enough to do as you please, you must have been ready to walk out as well......What's stopping you from doing that??".......The best answer to that question, at that time???...SILENCE.

The repercussions were not as severe as I had imagined or feared it to be......I thought "Maybe SHE has indeed taken responsibility for my actions"


The other thing that I had done was to sign my husband and I for the Morning Fire labs {Homas} at the San Diego Pillai retreat center for the whole month of July......This was a morning homam that I had been calling-in to listen to, since Christmas 2010.....That 40 minutes in the morning was the best part of the day......It's really amazing that foreigners/Americans could be so devoted to Vedic practices...


Also while randomly browsing about Srividya, I had found the Sri Rajarajeswari Peetham website at Rush, New York....While looking at the Guru Lineage I noticed that it had Guruji's name and I thought "Guruji seems to be following me these days.....Or am I following him??...Didn't the Meppad temple guru lineage also mention Guruji's name?? "

At the Sri Rajarajeswari temple in New York, there was to be a Chandi homam in July and my family participated in that as well.....While again re-reading this website:

An inner voice: Do you not recognize this temple??

 

 

Me: Could this be the same temple?? In July 2007, didn't we stop at this temple on our way back from Niagara Falls?? It was almost noon and the temple was empty....We prayed for a few minutes and I really liked HER idol at this temple....While reading the notice-board at the temple, I had read that the main priest of the temple was from Srilanka and I had thought "Oh...I  thought this was an Indian temple.....What a coincidence that they have the same forms of Gods in Srilanka too"

I didn't know anything better about the background of the temple.


Guru Poornima - July 2011:

This was the first Guru Poornima that I remember.....Last year, this was just-another-day & I didn't know the significance of this day....However this year, I wanted to thank Sage Veda Vyasa but didn't know how.....So, I did the only thing that I could think of.....That day, while performing the 'Karunya tharpanam', at the end of it, I also offered Karunya tharpanam to Sage Veda Vyasa and any gurus that I may have had in the previous lifetimes.....I had said " I don't know how else to thank you Sage Veda Vyasa & any gurus that I may have had in the past."......I had told Sage Vyasa "You had mentioned in the Krishna Bhagavatham that every person born is automatically indebted to 3 people - pitrus, rishis and gods.....I'm repaying my debts to the pitrus but don't know how to repay my debts to the other 2 categories of people.......You know, in this 21st century, whenever you go to a bank & take a home loan, they give you a "repayment plan".....It's not fair that you just say that one is indebted to these people without giving a "repayment option" to fully repay the debt { The Krishna Bhagavatham book I had read mentioned that you repay pitrus by begetting a son, repay rishis by reading the scriptures and repay gods by performing homas.......Atleast that's what I remembered}........So, until I learn how to properly do the 'guru tharpanam' and 'deva tharpanam', I offer Karunya tharpanam to you today.......Please forgive my ignorance for not knowing how to thank you properly and please accept this karunya tharpanam......And by the way, could you please soon send me my Guru ??"

That whole day, I was paranoid if something "bad" would happen.....Why??....You see, I had just changed a whole category of tharpanam......I had offered Veda Vyasa tharpanam in the 'karunya tharpanam' category.....Whenever the fear came that I have made a mistake, I said "I didn't do anything.....Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu"

Also, on this day, was when Arjunaacharya mentioned that the pooja will be started at the Meppad temple in Kerala....

I had thought "Where are you my Guru??.....How much longer should I wait??..." I had read that the bond between a Guru & disciple is age-old and continues lifetime after lifetime.....I had thought "Are you thinking of me, my Guru??...Are you as eager to meet me, as I am to meet you??"

Arjunaacharya's Om Shivoham ring-tone and it's TSUNAMI effect:

How could a person do so much by doing so little??.....Answer: By having the perfect cell phone  ring tone !!!

When I had first telephoned Arjunaacharya, I was startled by his cell phone ring tone.....It was the first time I listened to the Om Shivoham song from the Tamil movie "Naan Kadavul"....There was something magical about the song....A few weeks later, when I called him back, I was actually praying that he not answer his phone.....Why???....I wanted to listen to his ring-tone and needed a reason to call him back again....I don't know if Arjunaacharya remembers it, but I called him twice on that day....And this time, I noted down the words of the song....Why??...So that I could 'google' it....

The first link that I found was some Vijav TV show and as soon as the singer Vijay Prakash started singing, all that I could think of was the singer in King Akbar's court --Tansen.....I remembered reading somewhere that Tansen could make the leaves of a tree fall down by just singing in the appropriate raga.....Vijay Prakash's voice was a voice fit to sing for Lord Shiva.....More googling followed, which finally lead me to the Om Shivoham song .....Maybe it was because of the headphones or maybe it was something else, but that song went right into my soul --- and shook it up......Now, how can something as simple as a song have that kind of an effect on you??....I must have spent a few hours listening to that song...

I was also reminded of aacharya's note on Facebook that spoke about an upasaka's comment after listening to a music performance that "listening to a mature music performance was equal to performing a Srichakra puja"......Since I knew neither {music nor Srividya} I had mentioned that the next time I listen to 'a music' that moves me, maybe I would think "That's what that upasaka meant".....So I emailed the song to aacharya and to make a long story short, I learnt 3 things from that email chain

1. Aacharya was a 5th generation direct disciple of Sri Bhaskararaya Makhi.....Who was this Sri Bhaskararaya Makhi?? I had no idea.
2. I still had an ego
3. I found my "Viswakarma"......One of my 3 conditions on my "giving-something-back-to-the-society" project

First, I had to see what the movie "Naan Kadavul" was all about...And I did....And what an excellent movie it is!!!.....There were 2 Sanskrit dialogues in the movie that plunged right into my soul......I had no clue what they meant....I found it on youtube and wondered if aacharya could help me understand what the dialogues meant....So, I sent him the link to those scenes....And there was no response and I couldn't find the meaning online too.....I had asked HER "Did YOU ask aacharya not to respond???....YOU must have, if he isn't answering......Why did YOU do that??....He is the only guy who I know, who knows Sanskrit and YOU asked him not to respond...Well, GOD helps those who help themselves right??....If noone is going to help me, I'll help myself....I give myself some credit, I must have known Sanskrit in atleast one of my many previous lifetimes......And I know that because these dialogues have such an impact on me".....And I watched those scenes, again and again and again......I wrote down word by word the initial Sanskrit verses:

"Janma karma ca me divyam, evam yo vetti tattvatah, tyaktva deham punar janma

Satya Prabavam, Divya Prakasham, Mantra Swaroopam, Nishkalamkoham, Nijapoorna bodham, Gatya Gadmaham, Nitya Brahmoham, Satya Pramanam, Moola Prameyam, Ayam Brahmasmi, Aham Brahmsami "

The first line I found in Bhagavat Gita, Chapter 4 - text 9....The rest of it, all I understood at first was "...........All that is BRAHMAN, I am BRAHMAN"....And I had thought "I know that.....I know all that is BRAHMAN & I am BRAHMAN, but what I don't know is WHAT is BRAHMAN??".....How is it that IT is present in all??...How can one be present in opposites like fire & water, earth & sky, air and rain??...And why are the Gods helpless without BRAHMAN....The first time I read about BRAHMAN was perhaps when I was still in school, maybe when I was around 10 years old.....My father had brought us the Amar chitra katha -Tales from upanishads storybook and my first thought was "How can Amar chitra katha make such a spelling mistake...Shouldn't it be "brahmin" instead of "BRAHMAN"??......Well, the stories in the book had nothing to do with "brahmin" and the 1st seed of curiosity was then planted.....What is this BRAHMAN???

The movie Naan Kadavul also spoke about how one doesn't take rebirth if a "particular group of aghori" bless your burning corpse....It did feel scary and made me think "Why am I watching these kind of movies??" .....And then I thought "If I'm searching for the Higher Truth and if BRAHMAN is that highest truth, then I must be comfortable enough atleast watching these scenes.....These aghoris too are forms of BRAHMAN....Their path too is, one way to reach the Higher Truth, even though it may not be my path..."

July 2006 Kadambari magazine:

The main thing that initially attracted me to Srividya was the mention that inorder for a person to be initiated into tantra, it must be his/her last incarnation on earth or if a person gets initiated, it becomes his/her last birth...And while researching about Srividya, I had found the 2006 July Kadambari magazine on scribd and while reading it, on page 45 of the magazine, I quote:

"Anakapalle Gurugaru, Guruji’s Guru – an avadhoota, an adept in 42 of 64 tantras – said of Guruji in one of his speeches that for his tapas on brahma jnana, he should have been in samadhi forever – but because of Devi’s will, He came to build this temple at Devipuram"

It was an excellent article, only that on reading the above line, the 'castle-of-hopes-on-moksha' that I had built up, CAME CRASHING DOWN.....I said to myself "If someone like Guru Amritananda, irrespective of his tapas, had to come to earth because of HER WILL, then what about an ignorant person like me??.....So, isn't 'moksha' permanent?....Is 'moksha' also temporary??"......It was a very disturbing thought and very very deep....For a while, I lost all interest in spirituality...What was I pursuing??? For what??? When it is all HER will, what does it matter if I'm enlightened or an ignorant fool??.....And then the thoughts-in-my-head go:

• Do you still want SriVidya?
• If I say no, it means that I wanted SriVidya only because of 'moksha' and now that I know that there are no 'guarantees', I'm backing out, which means that I'm selfish....and which means that no matter how 'pure' it sounds, 'moksha' was still like a business-agreement with HER....Like me saying 'conditions apply' to HER, to get HER vidya........
• If I say yes, it means that I go through all those 'protocols' and 'work' and in the end, I may still have to come back to earth if it's HER will.....
• Can't I have them both??? SriVidya & moksha??
• Well, if Guru Amritananda irrespective of his tapas, had to come to earth because of HER will, what chance do I stand??

And so, continued the back and forth thoughts and I couldn't, with 100% conviction say that I wanted SriVidya....It was like I was in 'Trishanku swarga'...Neither here nor there....I couldn't say with 100% conviction that I wanted it nor that I didn't want it....

An answer through Sri Bhaskararaya Makhi:

 

I didn't know who this was and so googled info about the Guru of aacharya.......It took me to this website and one thing that really awed me was the mention that Lalithamba was seated on Sri Bhaskararaya makhi's shoulders & hence it was impossible to defeat him in spiritual debates........I had wondered  "How did you get HER to do that??.....SHE doesn't seem to hear my prayers, how did you get HER to sit on your shoulders??"......I had told Sri Bhaskararaya Makhi, "You know if God doesn't hear someone's prayers, I've read that the next best thing to do is approach God's devotees because God can never refuse the request of a sincere devotee.....You had somehow got HER to sit on your shoulder....SHE doesn't seem to hear my prayers, so if you don't mind, can you please sit on my shoulder??......You know if A = B and B = C, then A = C right??......If you sit on my shoulder, then it means that indirectly SHE is sitting on my shoulder.....Won't you please do that??"

While reading further on the same website on reading the the 2nd lakShaNas listed, it answered the deep question that had been bothering me for so long....I quote from the above site

"Prema which involves a desire of any kind cannot be bhakti. Many worship the Lord for various desires and some for mokSha or salvation. shAstra rejects both these attitudes as ashuddha bhakti. A true bhakta showers prema on the Lord without any desire, be it bhukti or mukti...Till the ghost of desire for bhukti and mukti lingers in one's heart, how can true premarUpI bhakti arise?.. Moreover, mokSha kAmi is the greatest of kAmi-s."

It was then that I realized that my bhakti, no matter how 'pure' it sounded to me, was still an ashuddha bhakti.

I thought I would email Arjunaacharya & change my sankalpa for the upcoming Varahi Kola Mukhi puja and Mahalakshmi puja but then I thought it would be easier if I told HER directly...So, I said " Please just cancel all that I had written in my sankalpa.... I don’t want anything from YOU - neither a desire for a daughter nor a desire for ‘moksha’....Now, what do you want me to do??   If Srividya is YOUR vidya and YOU choose who gets it, what role do I have to play??” ....And that day on 2nd August 2011, before I left work, I casually visited the Devipuram website and under “Latest from the Guru” section, it said  “Sri Vidya online course – Basic Level”……….And I cried..

4th August 2011 was when I received an email from Guruji with guidelines on how to signup for the class....I was overjoyed to finally find HIM.....Find my GURU...Then something caught my attention in Guruji's email...He had mentioned that he will be teaching about the Kaula maarga of Srividya.....I had thought " Is that what I think it is??.....The websites that I had read, did it not mention that the Kaula maarga or the left hand path of Srividya also uses the 5 M's....There was just one M that I was terrified about --- Maithuna....I had wondered "What is this 5 M thing??...I thought all that was needed was to chant a few prayers, show a few mudras and then BOOM you are enlightened.." {Sorry Guruji, but it was all HER doing...All HER thinking }...And then the thoughts in my head go:

I've already lost one chance at Srividya when due to ignorance, I didn't recognize the offer of Srividya initiation from the Meppad Temple...Should I miss this chance too??...They say opportunity knocks once but I'm blessed to have come in contact with Guruji..

So, I told HER " I don't want to again let my fears and ignorance get the better of me....I don't know anything about YOUR vidya....So, if that 5th M is maithuna indeed, then YOU need to find me a loophole....Didn't I read on that website that Adi Shankaracharya had used his yogic powers to enter into the body of that king to answer the questions raised by Ubhayabharati ??.....Do something like that to me too....Maybe I will be in a coma for a month or something...I don't know...Just find me a loophole....YOU are the expert in finding loopholes isn't it??.....How many stories have I read that talks about people asking Gods for boons, only for YOU to find a loophole in them --- Mahabali,  Hiranyakashipu, Markendeya, Savitri { and Satyavaan}, Shishupala etc....Do something, anything and find me a loophole..It's YOUR problem how YOU do it..."

{As I type this now I wonder, when I had told HER that I won’t ask HER for anything, why did I ask HER to find me a loophole?.....Simple answer – At that time, this question didn’t come.}

Guruji, I remember very well, the very first online class and your first words to us....You had said "Hi friends"....I was on "cloud 9" the whole day...I had thought "Guruji said I was his friend......His friend" and I thought " You know what Guruji, you are not just my friend, you are my BEST FRIEND....People who say kundalini cannot rise in a single day have not met you Guruji"......Those 2 words were enough to take the kundalini right upto a few inches above the Sahasrara chakra and all my fears about "a strict Guru" were vaporized, and why not Guruji, when you are my BEST FRIEND??

All your talks, your words, your simple nature, your 'innocent' attitude was enough to make me realize that you are a Brahmarishi....Only someone who is ONE with IT can be so humble, so free, so friendly with everyone.....Guruji, it has taken me several years to find You, but every single micro-second of it was worth the wait, was worth it for me to meet You and have You in my life......I have thanked Siddha Guru Swaprakasananda a number of times......Why??......For giving you the PERFECT name --Amritananada.....Amrita = nectar; Ananda = bliss......Not just any bliss, but the bliss of the nectar of immortality......My savior, my best friend, my Guru Sri Amritananda

Can I be blessed with a seva like this?

At your feet Guruji.

Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu.

My conversations with HER - Part 6

My conversations with HER - Part 6 – Written on 5th November 2011

Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu

(Cont) - The happenings upto June 2011:

I had found the Devipuram website and had been 'googling' info about Guru Amritananda....I was reading any & all articles related to Guruji....The FAQs on keeping a meru at home  so clearly answered all my questions....I quote from that website:

"Do I harm if pujas are not done properly to me? Do I harm myself? I am the whole of cosmos. Out of the billions of galaxies, if in one of them, in a medium size galaxy, in an average star you call sun, in the tiniest speck called earth, in one life form out of billions, in one miniscule slot of time called a day out of infinite cycles of time called kalpas, if one person does remember me or not, is it going to effect me in any way? What an idea! That I should harm you if you don't do puja! I could be least bothered!"


I thought "SHE talks to Guruji and what crystal clear answers SHE gives him!.....LALITHA won't YOU talk to me too??"....I realized two main things on reading the above paragraph

1. Earth is a tiny speck compared to the whole of cosmos
2. SHE doesn't care if I do puja or not....I need HER....SHE doesn't need me....

{As I type this:  If I thought I needed HER in June 2011, why did I say I didn't need HER during my Viraja homa sankalpa?? Because Arjunaacharya of Meppad temple had stepped in, to do the Varahi kola mukhi homam on 4th August 2011...And what was my personal sankalpa for this homam??

Amma, please guide me on the path towards the Higher Truth. I’m ignorant of what THAT is and seek your guidance. I’ve been ignorant for these many lifetimes and these many years and am finally trying to wake up from this slumber of ignorance to reach the Divine. I’ve read that when one surrenders to you, you destroy the evil forces that obstruct the devotee’s progress and ultimately lead the devotees to Sri Vidya. Please, please stay with me forever and guide me. I surrender to you.

I also take this opportunity to convey my pranams to Devi Lalitha Parameswari. Wise men say that you as Varahi and Lalitha Parameswari are one and the same. When learned men have no words to describe you, how can I, an ignorant fool, even attempt it? All I can do is humbly request you to please, please stay with me forever and guide me. I helplessly surrender to you.

And THAT Higher Truth is BRAHMAN who I knew "theoretically" but was yet to practically experience IT.....But WHO nevertherless took the form of my Guruji, who I met online on 7th August 2011.......Thank YOU BRAHMAN for also coming into my life in the form of Arjunaacharya of Meppad temple.}

Before I go on, let me tell you about one advise that my father gave me long ago.

When I was in my 3rd or final year of engineering college in Chennai, India ,like the usual college girl, I was at the last minute preparing for my exam. I think the subject was thermal engineering or some other such complex subject, my father gave me one advise.....He said, "When you are reading it for the 1st time, just read it all, even if you don't understand it....It'll come back to you when you read it again for the 2nd time".....I can't remember if I followed his advise then, but I follow it now when I read spiritual books/articles.......Sometime in October 2006, I had asked my parents to send me these 2 books - The Eight Upanishads with the Commentary of Sankaracarya, Vol. I & Vol 2 by Swami Gambhirananda.....As I started to read the book, I told my atma/soul "Listen to what I'm about to read...Surely YOU've heard it before...My mind may not understand but YOU do.."

I can't exactly recall when, but sometime between Navarathri 2010 and June 2011, when 'researching about Srichakra', I had come across various articles - Dattatreya Jayanti, Astavakra Gita, Avadhoota Gita, Tripura Rahasya, Yogini Tantra, Gandharva Tantra, Yogini Hridaya, Shri puja Lalitha Tripura Sundari, Maha Shodha Nyasa etc......I read through most of the parts, of the above sites.....I understood perhaps less than 0.1% of what I read, but I just read them all....I thought, "Maybe IF I read them again later, I'll understand them a little better...Meanwhile let my atma/soul remember WHO IT IS".....But one thing that really struck me was about Dattatreya - that HE had learnt from whatever source it came from {HIS 24 gurus} and I told HIM "Please Dattatreya, teach me to be like YOU, to learn from my surroundings"

{Day 1 of the online Srividya class, when I looked at the guru parampara pictures --- on Siddha guru Swaprakasananda's picture, I saw Dattatreya's picture at the top left corner and SHE said: Didn't you ask HIM to guide you?

As I type this:

SHE: Don't you remember what Dr. Pillai's name was before he took his official name of Dr. Baskaran Pillai? { I can't find that link now as Dr. Pillai's website has changed in the last several months}   

Me: Dattatreya Shiva Baba !.....According to naadi leaves {ancient leaves}, my Agastiar {Dr. Pillai} was also Dattatreya in another lifetime.

SHE: What did Dr. Pillai say his reason was to go by his official name?


Me: That there were 99.9999% of the people who were not able to relate to HIM because of his "Dattatreya Shiva Baba" name and all those people need to be saved too......All those people need to be awakened too...

SHE: Didn't Guruji tell you the same thing too during your first online class?? That HE was bringing the Kaula marga path of Srividya to all?? To the 99.9999% of the people?

Me: Wasn't it after doing the Dattatreya abhisekam at the St. Louis Hindu Temple in December 2010, that I came across Dr. Pillai's website??}

June 14th 2011 - My 33rd birthday

On this day, I had requested for the Siddha blessing ritual at the San Diego's Pillai retreat center. This was the 2nd time I was having the ritual done { first time was sometime in Feb 2011}.....What's a Siddha blessing??.....It is an abishekam performed to four boulders on the San Diego retreat center that Dr. Pillai has identified as embodying the energy of four Siddhas: Agastiar,  Kagabujandar, Bhogar and Vishvamitra.

Another thing that I was looking forward to, on my birthday was for some sign that Mahaavatar Babaji had listened to my request.....You see sometime during November - December 2010, I happened to read the book called "Autobiography of an Yogi" --- an excellent book about the experience of Paramahamsa Yogananda....That evening, a thought came to me, " Lahiri Mahasaya found his Guru Mahaavatar Babaji when he was 33 years old....I'll be 33 years old in June 2011.....O Mahaavatar Babaji, will you lead me to my Guru when I too am 33 years old??".....I was awaiting to see if anything, something MAGICAL would happen on that day and nothing did....I thought "Mahaavatar Babaji must have forgotten my request or HE doesn't exist....But surely HE does exist, as Paramahamsa Yogananda was real & he lived just a 100 or so years ago.....Where are you my Guru?? How much longer is the wait??? "

{As I type the above:

SHE: What do you think Mahaavatar Babaji was doing on that day if not sending you blessings through the four Siddhas?







Just 3 days ago, I checked my laptop and I realized that it was on 25th May 2011 that I first downloaded the Panchadasi mantra { It was named 'Kundalini" file, so I didn't know it was Panchadasi until I downloaded it from devipuram.com website......At that time, I didn't realize it, but Guruji had already come into my life....I hadn't yet realized that HE is my Guru.. }


Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu.