Srichakra drawing

I feel like sharing this wealth with all of you. Learn to draw the Srichakra. It will bring unimaginable abundance to you. It is the most easy & simple form of DEVI sadhana.

Instructions on how to draw it can be found here and here.

If for some reason, you are unable to draw it, you can still be benefitted. I give to you this drawing of Srichakra that I've personally drawn. I give it to you to bring love, abundance, joy, health and everything positive into your lives. Yes, it is perfectly safe to keep it at home. There is no need to fear anything. If at all there is something to be lost, it is the negativity, negative energy and ego in oneself  and that is a blissfull loss isn't it?

You can download it from here.

Also attached is a brief description on what a Srichakra is and some frequently-asked-questions on it. I've compiled this list from my Guruji's answers. You can download it from here.

Conclusion

Conclusion – Written on 2nd February 2012


Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu

It wasn't until end of December 2011 that it fully struck me.....

So, Lalitha Tripura Sundari = THAT all pervading consciousness = BRAHMAN

I choose to call THAT all pervading consciousness as BRAHMAN........When I say Lalithamba, I automatically think of HER form and when I say/think of BRAHMAN, my mind is blank.....And in reality, there really isn't a difference between the two, isn't it?

In the last few months, as I contemplate these revelations, there are a few things that stand out:

1. I personally met Guruji and He blessed me with the Maha Sodasi mantra
2. I emailed Arjunaarcharya and asked him "Is the Meppad Sampradaya  anyway related to Adi Shankaracharya?". Arjunaacharya's response - Yes
3. The "inner chatter" has subsided.....The silence within is deeply felt.
4. As questions arise, answers are revealed ---- Sometimes immediately, sometimes in a week or two or three

There is also a strong inner urge to share these writings with the world, to "make-public" these writings....As I watch my thoughts:

• BRAHMAN, why do YOU want me to share these writings with everyone? I have no desire to end up as "another picture on the wall" or "another idol in a temple".
• When the very purpose of your birth is to complete your work and talk about advaita, how are you going to do it, if not by sharing these writings?
• BRAHMAN, why didn't YOU let Adi Shankaracharya complete the work? When Adi Shankara can break-free-of-the-rules of society to perform the last rites of His mother, why couldn't He also not preach to women??.....Take it however YOU want it to be --- YOU have failed to convince me/ YOU have failed to convince YOURSELF/ I have failed to convince mySELF.

  

After almost a week or two later, as-simple-as-that

  

• When you were pregnant, why did you choose a lady gynecologist?
• Because given a choice, I was comfortable with a lady doctor.
• When you, a so-called 21st century, western-educated woman chose a lady doctor, how do you expect women of the-then society to accept the preachings of a sanyasi, especially to questions relating to women praying during their monthly periods? 

Silence

• Adi Shankara may not have specifically addressed women because in His role as a sanyasin, there were certain limitations. You as a Grihasta, will be able to do it...All along Adi Shankara did talk about BRAHMAN, didn't He?......Weren't women automatically included in IT? 
• Does it mean that I will have to "re-do" it all? I don't even know Sanskrit....How do YOU expect me to comment on His works?
• Language is just a means-to-an-end and not the end by itself...You are not here to "re-do" anything....The journey continues where you left-off.

Silence

It took almost a week for it to strike me

• BRAHMAN, if YOU really wanted, YOU could have made me choose a guy doctor as my gynecologist, couldn't YOU?

Silence

Initially I shared these writings with some of my immediate family members….Why? Because it was a "test" for mySELF......To see if IT can handle the questions that might comeup...My husband, though he knew my spiritual journey in-brief was initially upset/angry....He had asked me

He:  What kind of a woman are you to give up your husband and son? Even if I don't take you giving me up seriously, how can you do that to Pranav?

My response:

I may have mentally renounced attachments to my husband and son, but SHE has given them both back to me -- intact, as HER prasadam [ i.e purified by association with HER]....In the past, I didn't really look at them as 'forms of BRAHMAN' and now I do......And I am now practically following that thing that Bhagavat Gita talks about : One who sees inaction in action, and action in inaction, is intelligent among wo/men, and s/he is in the transcendental position, although engaged in all sorts of activities. 

A few days later, as I still hesitate to share these writings, my thoughts:

 

• BRAHAMN, do YOU know what YOU are asking me to do? It's similar to YOU asking me to jump out of an airplane without a parachute, with the sole belief that YOU will protect me.
• Is your belief strong enough for you to do that?
• Wrong question BRAHMAN.....The correct question YOU should ask is "Have I given you enough belief for you to do that?"......Why do YOU continue to put the blame on me?.....Can I do anything if it is not YOUR WILL?
• When you can correct yourSELF, isn't this good enough for you?

Silence

  

• If your Guruji had hesitated, would He have offered the online Srividya class?

Silence

• If your Guruji had hesitated, would you have received the Maha Sodasi mantra?

Silence

• Have you still not learnt to fully trust yourSELF?
• If I still haven't learnt to do so, isn't that also because of YOU BRAHMAN? When the Kena Upanishads talk about how even a blade of grass is not able to move without YOUR WILL, how can I do anything, if it isn't YOUR WILL?
• When you can answer your own questions, can you not answer other's question?

Silence

   

• Remember that question that you had asked?

Flashback on that question that I had asked [ My conversations with HER - Part 22]

How do YOU expect me to trust YOU?....How can I believe that YOU won't cause obstacles for me?

• During early November 2011, did you not chant the Maha Sodasi Mantra on a rudhraksha mala and give deeksha "not just to MOTHER EARTH but the entire COSMOS"?
• Yes
• According to your initial assumption, does it not mean that the entire cosmos, after receiving the deeksha is at the (n-1)th stage ---- just 1 step away from merging into their SELF ?

Silence

• How will the people know that they are at the (n-1)th stage if you don't share these writings?
• Why can't YOU tell them YOURSELF?....Why can't YOU prick YOURSELF --- the people's consciousness?
• Before the online Srividya class was introduced, how many times did I bring the Panchadasi mantra into your life?....Why didn't you chant it?
• Because I was told that it was supposed to come from a Guru.
• Won't people still think the same way?....Won't they still be in ignorance and refuse to follow their conscious because they don't have the correct information? Because you hesitate to tell them that the entire COSMOS has indeed received the Maha Sodasi mantra deeksha?

Silence

• Don't you think the mantras work?
• Ofcourse I do....If not, can I observe these thoughts in me?....Even HDTV is not such crystal-clear.
• When you know that the mantras have the power to guide you, when you are personally experiencing IT, when you have given the Maha Sodasi mantra deeksha to the entire COSMOS, why do you hesitate?

 Silence

 Several hours later,

• BRAHMAN, why did YOU say that the entire cosmos is at the (n-1)th stage?....When it is all YOU, isn't all of it at the "n" th stage?
• When you know that to be the case, why do you hesitate to share the writings? Who are you afraid of, when you just said that it is all BRAHMAN?

Silence

• Okay BRAHMAN...It is all YOUR doing anyway....I'll share these writings but before that YOU have to tell me that YOU love me......I don't want the usual advaitic answer - "Who is telling whom when both the questioner and the responder are the same?"....YOU are the expert in finding loopholes isn't it??.....Find a loophole & tell me that YOU love me.....I love YOU BRAHMAN......I said it, now it's YOUR turn.....Won't YOU say it too?
• Why not?....When I = YOU = Unconditional love = BRAHMAN

  

To sum-up my spiritual journey, since I don't know any songs about BRAHMAN per-se,  I turn to Sage Agastiar and his Tamil song Sri Chakra Raja Simhasaneswari about Lalithamba......The meaning of the song says it all.

Strange indeed is HER WILL.

And the irony??.....Well, I'm now one among those people who say "It is all HER WILL".....I had to question "HER WILL" inorder to fully realize IT but yes, now I'm officially THE ONE who says IT.

At Your feet Guruji,  

Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu

"Giving-something-back-to-the-society" project

“Giving-something-back-to-the-society” project ---- Written on 10th December 2011:

Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu

My Dear Guruji,

I'm reminded that I have left out this item, in my writings....

Guruji, when I met YOU on 17th October 2011 and mentioned about this giving-something-back-to-the-society project,

Me: All that is missing now is Kubera and maybe once that happens, this project can begin.

Guruji: When one gets started on the project, all good things automatically follows.

  

Giving-something-back-to-the-society project:

Few years ago [I dug up my diary and it was actually on 28th Jan 2006], a thought came to me that "If time and money" were not a constraint [ie I had unlimited time and unlimited money], what would I do?.... I had written in a diary, a number of things beginning with materialistic things and ended up with giving-something-back-to-the-society....I said, well,  EVEN IF I had unlimited time & money, I still need a group of experts who know Vaastu & temple architecture to guide me.....And I told God, if this is your WILL, that this "giving-something-back-to-the-society project" should happen, you need to send me Lakshmi Devi/Kubera and also Viswakarma !!.....Even few months ago [February - March 2011], when my husband casually & jokingly reminded me of my "giving-something-back-to-the-society project", I said to myself, I have not yet met the 'initial conditions' ie time and money, let alone Viswakarma....If it is God's wish, maybe we would win the lottery & have money [read 'Lakshmi/Kubera'] but what about Viswakarma?? Is Viswakarma going to come out of thin air???

Well, BRAHMAN,

1. YOU brought Viswakarma into my life on 28th July 2011 in the form of Sri K.P Umapathy Aacharya   {Mentioned in "My conversations with HER - Part 10" of the series}
2. YOU brought HER - Lalithamba, into my life in the form of Sri Vidya - HER Vidya on 7th August 2011 {My Lakshmi Devi} {Mentioned in "My conversations with HER - 2" of the series}
3. And YOU revealed YOURSELF as ME on 31st October 2011 { My Kubera ---- Is there a greater wealth than one's own SELF?}

Sometime in June 2011:

One of the homas that Arjunaacharya {at the Meppad Temple } had recommended was the Sharabeswar homa....As I was 'researching' about what that homa meant, one of the websites that I came across was this site and I happened to read this pdf document .....It took me almost a week to finish reading the whole document and

  

Me: SHE told Dr Maneesh about the same thing that I had in mind.....It sounds almost like my giving-something-back-to-the-society project

The project:

This "random thought" came to me one day as I was reading some "Amar Chitra Katha" storybook.....I vaguely recall the book to be Amar Chitra Katha - Stories from Mahabharatha.....Page 1 of the storybook had a picture of a Yagna sthala and a few sages performing some yagna....So I had thought "Maybe one day, when I have all the time and money in the world, I can build a similar Yagna sthala.....A place where homas are done everyday to benefit people and mankind.....And who knows, maybe this Kali Yuga may not be so bad after all.....Not if such regular homas are done everyday"........

And I would day-dream, adding more details as time went by......I would imagine how the place would look like ------ a huge rectangular corridor which surrounds a pond-like structure in the middle, something similar to the Madurai Meenakshi Amman temple tank {at Madurai, India}....The pond would have

• Sky-blue colour bottom, something similiar to the modern swimming pools,
• Be filled with lotus flowers
• And in the middle of it, would be a little gopuram with a big 3D Srichakra

There would be a total of 108 homa kundams in the corridor and the corridor height would be very tall-enough to let the smoke out of the homa kundam.....No drawings or paintings on the corridor ceilings as they may get stained by the smoke...The outer side of the corridors will have various perennials plants, trees and flowers...Something like how Amar Chitra Katha describes all those hermitages of the sages...The place would be something like heaven on earth.....And ofcourse, there will be rudhraksha bead wall hangings, something like this ,  this and this on the corridors.....All of the 21 mukhis of rudhrakshas

There would also be a residence place for all the priests/pundits to stay and maybe a small vedic-school where 'vedic pundits' are trained...

And if the area is big enough, maybe also a Kalyana Mandapam {Marriage Hall}

October 2011 - As I stood in queue at Tirupathi:

Someone in the queue ahead of us was eating some raw peanuts and dropping the shells on the floor....I told him once "Don't drop it on the floor...Put it in the dustbin"...He nodded his head, a few minutes later, continued what he was doing.

Me: Lalithamba, why did YOU give him that thought?..Couldn't YOU have made him put it in the dustbin?....Look how dirty the whole queue area is - people dropping their tea cups, peanut shells etc...What makes one think that they can dirty HIS place [Tirupathi Balaji's place], stand in queue for a few hours, pray to HIM & HE will give people whatever they ask of HIM...

And as I looked to the other side, I saw a pond, surrounded by green vegetation and I was reminded of my giving-something-back-to-the-society project....I thought "Will the Yagna sthala also be dirty like this??...Why aren't Indians more responsible towards their environment??...Take most of NRIs....All that they have to do is, step into India and they resume their old behavior of dirtying their surroundings....The same people who, when in USA, Singapore etc take the trouble to properly 'trash' items, just throw it around in the streets in India."

Me: Lalithamba, if YOU are not going to do anything to make Indians be more responsible towards their surroundings, why do YOU want me to start the Yagna sthala project?.....Yes, the homas, pujas etc will help people, but is that all that there is??....Doesn't the outer environment matter at all?

SHE: What would you do if you were ME?

Me: Why do YOU want to know?.....As if it matters what I think....It's all YOUR doing anyway, isn't it?

SHE: Remember that sentence that you told your aacharya?

Flashback on - "that sentence that I told aacharya":

 ......but for YOU = HER, that is like being in hand with the creator to make a better world, to anonymously change the life of many people......I don't mean to contribute to your ego/mind but given that there are only a handful of enlightened people who are THERE, isn't it like 'you' being on HER side to help HER help humanity? Aren't YOU = HER on the same team?.....

SHE: Now that you have received the Maha Sodasi Mantra and YOU = ME, tell me what you would do.

Me: Fine...If it was me, if I am YOU, then I would make people earn-the-right to have such a place in India...Right now, according to me, they don't...Let me tell YOU what I think....YOU then do what YOU want

• YOU preach advaita right??...Then what difference does it make to YOU where this place is?....If this place is in India or abroad?
• If anything, some of the vedic people that I've come across, have this huge ego that India is such-a-punya-boomi and the rest of the world, compared to India, is a bad place to be.....If YOU are really an expert in advaita, how are YOU going to change this mentality?....What does a MOTHER do if HER child misbehaves??...What do I do if my 3 year old son misbehaves??.....I take away his toy and give it back to him only if he corrects his behavior.
• Lalithamba, even if all of these are my 'human/biased' thoughts, even if YOU were to tell me that, I have only 2 main things to point out to YOU.......Let's assume that this Yagna Sthala is built in Chennai, India, like the way YOU told Dr. Maneesh and Narasimha Rao of Vedic wisdom yahoo group , will YOU be able to overcome 2 main obstacles 1) In allowing ALL people --- irrespective of their caste, religion, belief or non-belief in God, to come & participate in the homas?....2) YOU are a woman, right Lalithamba??....Will YOU be able to allow women to come & participate in the homas irrespective of their monthly periods??.....Is India evolved enough to let that happen??.....I have a doubt Lalithamba....YOU call YOURSELF the MOTHER of all, Srichakra "houses" 64 crores of Devis, right??...... So, in a month, at any given time, atleast one of YOUR Devis must be having HER monthly periods, right??....So, how do people know when-to-pray-to-which-Devi??.....What if people pray to one of YOUR DEVIS when SHE is having HER monthly period??......Will SHE say "I refuse to answer your prayers now, as the timing is not correct?".....And if this rule doesn't apply to YOUR DEVIS, why do YOU let it happen to mortal-women?.....Could it have happened that way if YOU didn't want it to happen?....Atleast outside India, the rules are not this strict.....People - the very same Indians, in USA, would think twice before they dare say such a thing to an American woman......Atleast, when in USA, they might fear that they might be sued for "racial or gender discrimination"......Didn't aacharya mention something about some NRI contacting him recently about starting  some project related to "vedic practices"??.....Well, put that NRI in-touch with PVR Narasimha Rao, tell them about the change-in-venue and get the project started....
• If I am YOU, then I would start this project in USA....I would have P.V.R Narasimha Rao of the "Vedic wisdom yahoo group" head this project.....He's already sincerely following what YOU asked him to do...He has started the Homam movement   & has got a few thousands of people regularly do it in their homes....So, it's upto YOU to re-appear before him and his Guru Dr. Maneesh and tell them that "there-has-been-a-change-of-venue"....YOU really want to preach advaita??.....Get the project started in USA.....Maybe at a later stage, this project can happen in India too....Even if YOU were to tell me that USA is not-such-a-punya-boomi, let me ask YOU this --- What better place to start this project, but at the very place that is not-such-a-punya-boomi??
• These are just my thoughts Lalithamba.....Do what YOU want....

I was then reminded of all those questions that I had asked HER {My conversations with HER - Part 22 }....So

Me:  Lalithamba, how many more of YOUR mistakes do YOU want me to point out?...Who is YOUR boss Lalithamba??...Who do YOU report to??...I have a list-of-complaints-against-YOU......BRAHMAN, are YOU HER boss??...Just wait till I find YOU BRAHMAN..

Silence

And I continued chanting the Maha Sodasi mantra {and giving away the merit of chanting it}, so that I could find BRAHMAN & get some answers !!


After the incident on the return flight on 31st October 2011:

• BRAHMAN, if YOU alone are real, if everything else is just an illusion, then why do YOU want me to start that giving-something-back-to-the-society project??....Isn't that too unreal??
• Didn't you benefit from all those homas that you had done??...Did you not immediately feel the difference?

Once I came back to USA, I did contact P.V.R Narasimha Rao & tell him about the-change-in-venue and there is no response from him....So, maybe these were "just thoughts" that I should have been "just-watching" and not "respond to"...

Guruji, I had this "overwhelming instinct" to write down my experiences....And hence these writings....The only thing that I was seeking in this lifetime is the "Highest Truth" and I've realized IT.....I've also realized that one can do all the preaching that one wants but it's upto the recipient on how s/he takes it---- upto HER on the kind of thoughts SHE gives a person.....Guruji, I really don't know anything at all......Everything that is said in the Bhavani Ashtakam applies to me too....

I know YOU Guruji.....I know that YOU are in me, as my inner Guru.....That's all I know....And for me, that's good enough...

So, with YOUR permission, I go back to remain anonymous.

At YOUR feet Guruji, 

Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu

*** Update:  “Giving-something-back-to-the-society” project ---- Written on 3rd  January 2012:

Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu


My Dear Guruji,

On 31st December 2011, as simple-as-that, a thought came to me:

·   What do you think Dr. Pillai's San Diego Pillai retreat center is doing, if not the very thing that you said?....The project has already begun in USA...Daily homas are being done at the Pillai retreat center.

Guruji, I've also noticed a few changes in Dr. Pillai's messages....He has now asked for 'daily Siddha Blessing' ritual to be done at the retreat center "in order to bring in great light and wisdom for the planet"......Somewhere on his website, He said that in recent meditations, Goddess Angali Amman revealed to Him that SHE will awaken & live again with HER full power...


Guruji, "something" tells me, my conscious tells me that the Golden Age will begin in 2012....IT tells me "Didn't you ask all the Siddhas to merge into HER?.....Didn't you ask HER to awaken from HER slumber?"
 

Sometime during early November 2011:

One day, I had an urge to chant the Maha Sodasi mantra and I chanted one round of it, using my rudhraksha mala....On finishing the chant, I placed my hands on the ground and gave deeksha to "not just to MOTHER EARTH but the entire COSMOS" and said "Whatever is the merit obtained by chanting the Maha Sodasi mantra on a rudhraksha mala, I give it all back to YOU BRAHMAN.....May the entire COSMOS be benefitted".


Upon completion of the chant, my thoughts:

·   What were you doing?

·   I chanted the Maha Sodasi mantra and gave away whatever merit is obtained on chanting the mantra on a rudhraksha mala...Didn't I read in Devi Bhagavatham, that doing japam on a rudhraksha mala is a few lakh or crore times extra punya compared to doing japam without using a rudhraksha mala?....So I gave away all the merit.

·   You, by chanting the Maha Sodasi Mantra may have gained a few lakh or crore times punya....But if you had remained in “silence”, when you are IT, then you are at "infinity"....Which one do you think is greater? ---- Giving away a few lakh or crore times punya??  Or being at "infinity" times punya?

Silence

 After a few minutes,

·   BRAHMAN, couldn't YOU have told me this before I started chanting?....Why did YOU wait until I finished chanting to tell me this? It is all YOUR fault.

·   You are the one who keeps asking for "practical experience" isn't it?

·   Only because YOU make me ask it....Stop putting the blame on me and start taking responsibility for YOUR actions...Could I have done it if YOU didn't want me to?

Silence

After a while,

·   BRAHMAN, if I don't chant the Maha Sodasi Mantra, I might forget the mantra.

·   When the very purpose of the mantra is to make you forget that you are "not separate from IT", then the mantra is working, isn't it? When you are BRAHMAN, all that you need to remember is THAT. There is nothing else to remember.

And I stopped chanting the Maha Sodasi Mantra after that....I chant it occasionally when there is an inner urge to chant it, to give deeksha to someone...If not, I don't.


And now, IT tells me, that the entire COSMOS has benefitted from that deeksha...A golden age will indeed be born in 2012....The consciousness of mankind "will undergo a change", a change for the good.


At Your feet Guruji,

Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu

My conversations with HER - Part 22

My conversations with HER - Part 22 - Written on 2nd December 2011:

Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu

"Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned."

These were random incidents, which happened in October 2011....

Incident 1:

I met a lady and I thought she was 4-5 months pregnant & was about to congratulate her, when I was told that her stomach is the way it is because she had "cesarian operations" for both of her past pregnancies...She was now having some medical problems because of her enlarged stomach.

Incident 2:

Sometime during this trip, while talking to "xyz" person,

Me: Come & have your food.

"xyz" person:  I'm dieting to get-back-in-shape.

Me: But aren't you nursing your baby...How will she get her food if you don't eat properly?

"xyz" person:  Oh I take "abc English medicine" and if the baby is still hungry I give her milk using 'milk powder'

Incident 3:

One day, as I was talking to someone, she mentioned something that deeply bothered me...

"abc" person-that-I-know has had 2 or 3 miscarriages in the past, is pregnant again & has just had "some medical procedure" done to stitch her womb so that she doesn't lose this baby again.....

{As I type this: What seems like innocent, day-to-day happenings to everyone else, bothered me...Why??...Maybe because these were the trigger-points that caused "my bubble" to burst....Maybe because I saw how "heartbreakingly" one woman was trying to conceive, another was worried about her body than her infant baby and another was now paying the price for her cesarian operation......Or maybe that is EXACTLY how SHE wanted me to think, inorder for me to realize the highest truth.}

Cascading-effect of thoughts:

• Lalithamba, why did YOU give that thought to "xyz" person?...Could she have thought of dieting if YOU didn't want her to?.....Why did YOU ask her to take that 'abc English medicine'?
• {Thinking} Didn't I read somewhere that in Soundarya Lahari there is a sloka that helps with lactation?? Why can't I remember where I read it?
• Lalithamba, YOU know that exact sloka in Soundarya Lahari...When that is the case, why didn't YOU tell her that?...What a pity that in this 21st century, babies have to rely on milk powder and English medicines when there is an easier, simpler solution.

Silence

• Why didn't YOU help "abc" person??...Don't YOU know how it would feel to have "a medical procedure" done to a-womb-containing-a-3-month-old-featus??......YOU call YOURSELF the Mother of the 3 worlds??....Why did YOU let that happen?

Silence

• Why are YOU silent Lalithamba? Why no answers? Why no light-bulbs-going-on now? Give me one good reason Lalithamba..
• Don't YOU dare say "It is that person's karma"....Don't YOU dare say "This is Kali Yuga and this is how things will be".....Those reasons do not apply to YOU.....If YOU are really beyond time and karma, don't YOU dare give me such petty reasons....YOU are the expert in advaita, right?....Give me one good reason why YOU let it happen...One good advaitic reason.

Silence

• Don't YOU reside in the swadhistana chakra? When that is the case, what a pity that in this 21st century, women have to resort to cesarian operations instead of a natural delivery.....
• Lalithamba I'm asking YOU, what percentage of women have natural delivery Vs cesarian?....Why are YOU not doing anything about it?......Why do YOU let doctors tear-open-the-womb?...Could those doctors have done it, if YOU didn't want them to?...Again, don't YOU dare say "Kali yuga" and "a person's karma" as the reason....That may apply to mortal-beings but not to YOU....How could YOU make so many mistakes Lalithamba?

Silence

• Now, Lalithamba what is the name of YOUR minister? (I forgot HER name)....Why can't I remember things properly?.....YOU O Devi the-minister-of-Lalithamba, what kind of advise have YOU been giving Lalithamba? Couldn't YOU have done something about it?.... Couldn't YOU have let Lalithamba know that so much of injustice is going on?
• YOU O Varahi, I know that YOU have so abundantly blessed me, but how could YOU have not warned Lalithamba?....YOU are HER Commander-in-chief, right?? What were YOU doing?...How could YOU let so much of injustice go on in this world? Why didn't YOU atleast do something about it?
• YOU, ALL of the 64 crores of GODDESS who live in the Srichakra, why didn't anyone of YOU do something about it? How could ALL of YOU fail??....Every single one of YOU have failed, ALL of YOU are guilty...Every single one of YOU are an accessory-to-the-crime, aiding and abetting the crime and YOU O Lalithamba are the biggest failure.....Why did YOU not do anything about it? Why are YOU asleep Lalithamba?...Even Kumbhakarna sleeps only for 6 months in an year. How long have YOU been sleeping?

 Silence

•  Lalithamba, I'm sorry to tell YOU this but whatever-is-the-mess-in-this-world, it is because of YOU.....YOU and YOU alone are responsible for it....YOU have let things go beyond control....Could any of these things have happened, if YOU didn't want them to happen?.....Give me an answer Lalithamba....One good advaitic answer.
• Lalithamba, do YOU know what cancer is?...Cancer is defined as the "uncontrolled division of cells"......That is what has happened to YOU Lalithamba.....YOU have let things go uncontrolled....I'm sorry to be the one to give YOU this diagnosis, but YOU have cancer Lalithamba....And that too happened because of YOU.

Silence

• What is the use of talking about corruption in the world, corruption in different countries when there is corruption in the COSMOS?...YOU have failed Lalithamba..

Silence

• Lalithamba, what makes YOU think that I won't question YOU?.....What makes YOU think that I will be one among those people who say "It is all HER will"?....When I was totally ignorant, I had a bunch of questions to ask God....Now that I know that everything happens according to YOUR will, what makes YOU think that I won't question YOU??.....
• If YOU didn't want me to question YOU, YOU should have let me be ignorant.... Why did YOU wake-up the sleeping giant?

Silence

• Has anybody questioned YOU Lalithamba?....Have YOU let anybody do that??.....Why?...Why not?
• {Thinking} What did Guruji tell us during the online class? Didn't He mention something about "some laser-related project" that he wanted to do but people had objected to His thinking?...Why can't I remember things properly?
• Lalithamba, YOU know exactly what I'm referring to...Why did YOU do such a thing??....Why do YOU send a person to do YOUR work & then give Him obstacles?....What makes YOU think YOU can get away with it??...Why did YOU give my Guruji all those obstacles??...Give me one good advaitic reason.

Silence

• Silence is not the answer Lalithamba...It's not good enough for me.....Matha-Pitha-Guru-Deivam, right??........I am YOUR Mother and YOU are my daughter remember??....That means that "Matha-Pitha-Guru-Deivam" rule does not apply to me, and YOU being a GODDESS come after my Guruji....How dare YOU give my Guruji all those obstacles?...How dare YOU Lalithamba?
• How many people have YOU sent to do YOUR work?
• Adi Shankaracharya - He came, He preached, He went away...Could he have left out women, if YOU didn't want it to happen that way?
• The different avatars of Narayana - He came, He preached, He went away
• The different Gurus that YOU've sent - They came, They preached, They went away
• What's changed after all this?....Other than the fact that each of YOUR representatives have ended up having "x number of temples", "y number of devotees" and "z number of trusts/organizations".....What's changed Lalithamba?
• {Thinking} Didn't I read somewhere that even the hundial offerings at certain temples are used-up by certain governments to run the state?.....Lalithamba, why did YOU let that happen?.....No wonder politicians are corrupt....Could that have happened if YOU didn't want it to happen that way.....Even that is YOUR fault.
• What's the point Lalithamba, when clearly YOU are the one that needs-a-preaching.....YOU know what, YOU have just lost the right to ask me to do anything....YOU have lost the right to ask me to write down my experiences...I won't do it...I just won't...Didn't YOU say that Adi Shankaracharya never disobeyed YOU....Well, let Adi Shankara remain as Adi Shankara....This is Shankara version 2.0 and I won't do what YOU ask me to.....Not until YOU give me one good advaitic reason why I should write down my experiences....Just one reason Lalithamba....Can't YOU do even that??...And if not, then what kind of a GODDESS are YOU?
• How do YOU expect me to trust YOU?....How can I believe that YOU won't cause obstacles for me?

Silence

• Lalithamba,do you have a HR department {Human Resources}....Who does all the hiring for YOU?? How do YOU choose YOUR Upasakas?.....When YOU are present everywhere, then what is all that about "Only someone who is chosen by DEVI gets Sri Vidya. It is said you do not choose Sri Vidya, but Sri Vidya chooses you. When you get it, when you look back, you will see how you have been guided slowly and surely to your Guru."......Why the partiality?...How can YOU contradict YOURSELF?
• YOU call YOUR vidya "the best vidya"....If so, how many people know about it & seek it?....If a few, then how come it's the best when there are no seekers?
• How many people seek YOU Lalithamba? If YOU are the best, why don't YOU have people flocking to know more about YOU....Why is it that people think that it's prestigious to work for a MNC {Multi National Corporation}, or a Fortune 500 company when clearly ALL the wealth is with YOU?......If YOU haven't been able to convince people, if YOU haven't been able to "hire people", what kind of an organization are YOU running? 

 Silence

Why the silence Lalithamba? How many more of YOUR mistakes do YOU want me to point out?

Silence

• YOU call this country a maatru-boomi? What is so "punyam" about this land Lalithamba, when there isn't ONE sloka that helps one conceive a GIRL-BABY?.... Is there one such sloka?... If no, why not?.....And if yes, then why didn't YOU bring that sloka into my life??...The Santana Gopala mantram is for getting a boy baby, right?.... If not, why did YOU make me think that it was??...Either way YOU look at it, anyway YOU look at it, it is ALL YOUR fault.
• YOU call this country a punya-boomi?...... Maybe once-upon-a-time, long-long-ago, so-long-ago, that everybody-has-forgotten-how-long ago, it was a punya boomi.....Is it a punya boomi now?.... I don't remember reading in any historical stories that there was a swayamvara for men and "women lined up so that men can choose them"....Weren't women given a choice to choose their life partner?.... Weren't such swayamvaras held so that A WOMAN can choose her partner? ---- Sita Devi, Draupadi, Damayanti, Savitri etc all of them chose their husbands....It wasn't forced upon them....Lalithamba I'm asking YOU, a direct one-to-one question, is such a system alive today?......If no, why not?.....If yes, then what are all the inter-caste marriage, inter-religion marriage, inter-country marriage fights all about?....Why a "separate section in any school/college/government" application form that gives you a bunch of options to choose from - a bunch of 'caste' options....Could that have happened if YOU didn't want it to happen?....Why did YOU let it happen?...Give me one single advaitic reason...
• YOU know what will happen if I write down all this?...The non-Hindu people may say that these are the reasons why one should convert into "xyz" religion.....Little will they realize that these happenings are also applicable to people who are "Non-Hindus" and if God is one, then their God is equally guilty too....If people were-to-think that way, then even that will be YOUR fault Lalithamba.

Silence

  

• Lalithamba, why are YOU not answering me?
• If at this stage of having received the Maha Sodasi mantra, if I am YOU, then I am angry....Why are YOU not angry Lalithamba?...How can YOU remain silent?
• I know it sounds silly, "me" asking "YOU" for one single advaitic reason, but even these thoughts are because of YOU...Even that is YOUR fault...Why do YOU give me such angry thoughts?...Even that is YOUR fault....Why can't I be "neutral" like Guruji?....

Silence

  

• Fine, if YOU are going to behave as if the rules of the mortal-world apply to YOU, then YOU know what, it does.
• There is one another rule in this mortal world that is going to apply to YOU......YOU are guilty until proven innocent...YOU ARE GUILTY Lalithamba and if YOU can make so many mistakes, then YOU are not Divine and if YOU are not Divine then I don't want YOU.

And I forgot that all of this had happened.

Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu

My conversations with HER - Part 18

My conversations with HER - Part 18 – Written on 27th November 2011:

Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu,

17th October 2011:

I hurried to meet Guruji & as I entered the room, I saw Guruji talking to someone..I realized that I maybe interrupting them, so I thought I would come back a few minutes later but Guruji asked me to come on in.....As I sat next to Guruji, I suddenly realized that I didn't know what to say.....I was so busy in praying & planning to meet Guruji that I hadn't thought about what to say to Him, when I meet Him...So, I started with the usual, I am so-and-so and I come from such-and-such a place and just spoke whatever thought came to me.....You see Guruji, I didn't ask you anything related to Srividya because you {and Siddha Guru Swaprakasananda} have already given me the answer during the online Srividya class, by saying "Don't you think the mantras have the power to guide you?".....So, after some casual conversations, I told Guruji that I had come to meet Him and to get a personal deeksha from Him...What was this personal deeksha??....I had no idea....All that I knew, was that Guruji had told someone, during the online class that "Sometime in your lifetime, it would be good if you come and take a personal deeksha from me"....That's all I knew Guruji.

Guruji: What do you want?

Me: I will take whatever you give me Guruji...

You see Guruji, I couldn't ask you for anything, not with Sri Bhaskararaya makhi literally "sitting on my shoulders" and reminding me of my 'asuddha bhakti'

{As I type this: Guruji, I told you "I came to meet you and get a personal deeksha"....That by itself was me asking you for something --- a personal deeksha.....But at that time I didn't realize it Guruji....I indeed did have "selective amnesia".. }

And as I prostrated to your feet, I was reminded of some article that I had read & also a certain topic that was discussed during the online Srividya class...I vaguely remembered that someone, while talking about the Dasa Maha Mudras, had asked about a certain mudra, which when shown to a deity/person would enable one to "take away some of the power" of the deity/person.....Guruji had said something about how even if that were to happen, He believed that one can "re-charge" oneself and in-reality one doesn't really lose any of one's powers/energy....And also, didn't I read somewhere that the Guru’s feet are worshipped or revered because all the Guru’s shakti dwells in the feet....So, as I prostrated to your feet, I made sure that I didn't touch your feet....You see Guruji, I had thought "Guruji has already given me so much...I don't want to take away any of His Shakti.".......And that is why I didn't touch your feet Guruji.


Guruji, as you gave me "a mantra" and I repeated it after you, all that I recognized was that it also contained the 15-lettered Panchadasi mantra....When you told me the name of the mantra, all I heard was the "Sodasi" part because, as you noticed, my son Pranav was constantly bothering me & interrupting our conversations.....But I had read about the Sodasi mantra & how this mantra was kept in most secret and I was overwhelmed that you gave it to me...And that is why I asked you why this mantra is kept so secret and why it is said "Give away your empire and even your head, but never reveal the mantra"....As you explained and wrote on the nearby blackboard, I listened to whatever you said.....Though at-that-time I didn't 100% understand the meaning Guruji, I didn't want to bother you & ask you to again explain it to me......So, I had told BRAHMAN " Please remember what Guruji said and explain it to me later."


Me: Guruji, I have a very bad memory and I will forget this mantra even before I leave this place.

Guruji: Write it down


So, I grabbed my purse and my notebook & wrote down the mantra as Guruji repeated it and asked me to say-it-as-I-wrote-it.

And as I sat there, being overwhelmed and feeling very guilty that I didn't bring my Guruji anything...

Guruji: Come and give me a hug..

It was so difficult for me to not cry, to hold back my tears and I thought "Guruji heard me....He knows all about me, even all of my unspoken words"


All of my unspoken words:

During the last few weeks, as I thought of my Guruji, I had an overwhelming desire to hug Him.....I had thought "Doesn't a Mother hug her child and vice-versa??.....Isn't my Guruji = HER, and if so, why can't I hug my Guruji??.....Why do they say that one should only bow to the Guru's feet?? Doesn't my Guru reside in my heart, and if so, why can't I hug my Guruji?....Doesn't Hanuman say that Lord Rama & Sita Devi always reside in His heart....Can I hug my Guruji, will He let me??.......I didn't know if it was proper to do so but those thoughts/emotions did come to me....


And as I struggled to hold-back-my-tears and hugged my Guruji

Me: Guruji, what do I give you as Guru Dakshina?

Guruji: I don't want anything


And I thought "I'm still a beggar...I have only taken from Him.....What do I give Him?...How am I ever going to repay Him??"

You see Guruji, I had forgotten to tell you what I had decided to give you as Guru Dakshina.....I didn't remember to tell you that I have decided to give you my-share-of-the-right as Pranav's mother.....Such is my memory.

Pranav seemed all too eager to share his stories with Guruji and if I remember right Guruji, I think you hugged him too...I had thought "What a blessed soul is Pranav.....It took me 33 years to stand before my Guruji and Pranav is able to do it when he is just 3 years old."

I realized that there were people waiting outside to meet Guruji & so Pranav and I left.....As we prayed to the life-sized Khadgamala GODDESSs in Devipuram, there were a few names that I recognized from the Khadgamala Stotram and when I stood before Varahi Devi, I thanked HER profusely for HER blessings........Pranav was happy to go, see, touch and sometimes shake-hands with the GODDESSs and would ask me the names of each of them & I would read out from the label...There was a staircase that I noticed and Pranav & I climbed up to go & finally stand before HER - Goddess Sahasrakshi, known to me as Lalithamba...As we did pradakshina to Lalithamba, the following thoughts came to me:

• Ask HER for a daughter. SHE will give it to you.
• No, Ashuddha bhakti.....How can I ask HER for a pebble {i.e a daughter} when SHE has just given me a diamond { i.e what-I-thought-was-the-Sodasi mantra}.....I don't want a daughter.
• Don't say that you don't want a daughter.
• Ok. I don't want to say that I don't want a daughter.......Lalithamba, what are these thoughts coming to me?? Can't I atleast pray to you silently without these commentaries going on within me?.... Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu

The lady who did the kumkum archana asked us to offer kumkum to HER Srichakra and so Pranav & I did so....The only thought that came to me was {in Tamil - Sri Chakra vasiniyae namaha……Sri Chakrathil irukira kodana kodi Devigalaku namaha }whose English meaning is "My salutations to the ONE who lives in Srichakra....My salutations to the crores of Devis who live in Srichakra"

And as Pranav & I thanked HER & we were about to go downstairs, the lady casually mentioned that there was another staircase which people usually use to climb up and the one that we had used was the one to go down.....I thought "Lalithamba, even the staircase that I took to climb up {to come to YOU} is the wrong one.....I just saw a staircase & climbed it....Anyway, it brought me to YOU & that's all it matters to me."

We then went to meet Guruamma, prostrated to Her feet & seeked Her blessings too...We went to the Kamakhya temple and I remembered it from the pictures that I had seen....The 1000 lingams were indeed a sight to see and I remembered seeing it in the "Devipuram empowerment video".....Then it was back to meet Guruji again to seek His blessings again & say bye to Him....I had just one question to ask Guruji

Me: Guruji, when should I chant the mantra that you just gave me?

Guruji: Chant it all the time.

We had lunch at the canteen in Devipuram, met a few volunteers there and also paid the money for the homas done during Navarathri....It was a blessed day and while on my way back, as I started chanting the what-I-thought-was-the-Sodasi mantra, I counted the letters

Me: {Thinking} There are more than 16 letters in this mantra...How could this be Sodasi?......But if I take the 15 letter Panchadasi as just 3 letters, then the count comes to 16....Maybe this is the way "Sodasi" is counted......How do I know??...They keep these mantras so secret.... What does it matter, if this is what Guruji asked me to chant all the time, it's good enough for me....

And as I chanted it, after a while, I could smell what-seemed-like-sandalwood.....I checked the car dashboard to see if the taxi driver had an incense burning and there was none...

Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu

My conversations with HER - Part 15

My conversations with HER - Part 15   – Written on 22nd November 2011:

Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu

The month of September was almost coming to an end and the Navarathri festival was about to begin.....I thought "Last Navarathri was when the whole 'researching about Srichakra' started when I didn't know what the Srichakra Navavarana puja was.....What a journey it has been in the past 1 year !!".......I had an urge to participate in the pujas this year too.....

SHE: Ashuddha bhakti

Me: Right!....I forgot about it....Thanks for the reminder Lalithamba...

And I wondered how Sri Bhaskararaya makhi looked, because he had so apparently "sat on my shoulders" to remind me of my ashuddha bhakti....I remembered seeing a picture of him on aacharya's Facebook page but was not able to find it......So, I googled his image and the only 'image' that cameup was a picture of aacharya

SHE: Now you know who your aacharya is...



I was also reminded of a conversation that I had with aacharya a while ago and though I don't exactly remember what my question was, I think it was something like "How does one know when one is THERE, ONE with IT?"......I remember exactly what aacharya's response was "The question does not arise".

Navarathri was about to begin and the urge to participate in the pujas was still there and only getting stronger.....I wondered "Lalithamba, I don't want ANYTHING from YOU, but just a chance to participate in YOUR pujas...I don't have ANYTHING to ask of YOU".....How was I to know what to do?.....So, I thought I'll check with my husband & let him make the decision

My husband: Didn't you already have some pujas done a few months ago?? Why another one?

Me: Didn't you already receive a paycheck last month?? Why do you need another paycheck this month??

My husband: This is just going to lead to another argument.

Me: No. It won't...If you say no, there'll be no pujas and this 'item' will go on to "your list" of "how things happened the way you wanted it".

My husband:  {After a while}...Fine, you do what you want within a budget of "X" rupees and add this "item" to "your list" of "how things happened the way you wanted it" !!!



Navarathri was to begin in 2 days & my family signedup to sponsor the Srichakra Navavarana puja for 3 days ---- one day each for Durga devi, Sri Lakshmi & Saraswati at the Hindu temple of St. Louis ....The next day as I was browsing the Devipuram website, I noticed that there were homas offered during Navarathri and anyone could sponsor it....I called them right away and requested for the Lalitha homam, Vag Devata homam & Dasa Maha Vidya homam.....Why did I choose those homas??....Because I felt-like-it.

During Navarathri, I did the only thing that I had time for - chant the Khadgamala stotra in the morning and at the end of it say "I'm chanting this just to make YOU happy Lalithamba..I don't have anything to ask of YOU....And I don't want YOUR sword....Here, take it back".....I had also finished drawing another Srichakra and it came out very well.....I thought about a few people to send this to and scanned it & emailed it to them....I also felt-like-sending the Srichakra to Mr. Vidyaakar at Udavum Karangal - a non-profit center for humane services....English meaning of "Udavum Karangal" = Helping hands......I've been associated with Mr Vidyaakar for the last 10 years and felt that SHE, who is the "Mother of all" could very well go to Udavum Karangal this Navarathri & be the MOTHER of all the people there....We do visit their center at Thiruverkadu, Chennai wheneever we visit India and it's the most beautiful place to be.....So, I also emailed it to Mr Vidyaakar along with a brief decription of "what-a-Srichakra-is" and requested that he share it with all members and all offices of Udavum Karangal.

A few nights, during Navarathri, I was suddenly wide-awake at around 1am...

Me: BRAHMAN, why did YOU wake me?....I told YOU to wake me up at 3.30am {Yes, I tell BRAHMAN that, so that incase I don't hear my morning alarm, atleast BRAHMAN will wake me up}......I'm not YOU BRAHMAN.....I can't function with just 4 hours of sleep...I don't understand how YOU can be awake all the time......Why did YOU wake me  now?

An inner voice: They are doing the homam at Devipuram

  

And it happened on 3 days during Navarathri, when those 3 homas were scheduled-to-be-done at Devipuram.

One Navarathri evening, as I was preparing the evening dinner, my thoughts were oscillating between Lalithamba & Adi Shankaracharya....

Me: O Lalithamba, isn't it because YOU were with Sankaracharya that he was able to answer & defeat all those people in spiritual debates. Isn't it because YOU verily sat on Sri Bhaskararachrya's shoulder, that he is recognised even today as a great Srividya Upasaka....Isn't it because of YOUR grace that an uneducated what-seemed-like-a-foolish person like Kalidasa became Maha kavi Kaalidasa.....Why do YOU not do the same to me too? Why are YOU not with me? YOU are being partial...It's not fair...

Pat came HER response: Adi Shankaracharya never questioned MY WILL....He never hesitated when I asked him to do something...How many times have I instinctly told you to write down your experiences..Have you done it yet?

What do I do, when SHE so clearly has me cornered...I had no answer except being silent {for a while at least}..

Me: Lalithamba, I'm scared...I don't have the spiritual knowledge to backup my writings. What do I do if people question me? I don't know Sanskrit & can't even seem to correctly remember where I read what...

SHE: Didn't you just say that Kalidasa was a foolish person before MY grace?

Me: Silence...I still scared amma....

SHE: During the Deva tharpanam & Rishi tharpanam, didn't you say "How can there be darkness when there is a million watt bulb with me?

Me: {Thinking} I did say that, didn't I?

SHE: What's the point of you listening non-stop to Bhavani Ashtakam if you haven't yet learnt to surrender?

Me: Will YOU be with me always like the way YOU were with Adi Shankaracharya?

Silence

Me: You just told me the answer, didn't YOU?....That Adi Shankaracharya never questioned YOUR WILL....Ok...I'll do as YOU say, but  before I do that, can I test YOU? I agree that this is me still questioning YOU, but I want to be sure that it's really YOU & not just my thoughts wandering.....Remember last month, I read on that blog about Bala {Bala Tripura Sundari}.....That lady had written that Bala came in her dream & she had tried to lift HER but it was impossible because SHE was so heavy!!.... Well, if Bala - the daughter is heavy, how come YOU O Lalithamba were able to sit on Bhaskararachrya's shoulder? I'm unable to understand this.

SHE: The answer lies in Khadgamala Stotram....Remember the different Siddhis? Anima siddhi, Lagima Siddhi, Garima Siddhi etc.....Bala, in that lady's dream was exhibiting Garima Siddhi - Siddhi of being heavy and ME while sitting on Bhaskararachrya's shoulder was exhibiting Lagima Siddhi - Siddhi of being lighter than air

Me: 

     

     

Ofcourse, such a simple answer...One more question....I had read that once you have a Guru, before one embarks on something new, one has to consult with his/her Guru...Doesn't that mean that I need my Guruji's permission & blessing before I start writing down my experiences? Can I start writing after I meet him in India in the next few weeks?

SHE: What did Guruji tell you during your online classes? What did he tell you during the very 1st class??

Me: That he was always with us and there has never been a moment when he wasn't....He had also asked us not to compare with others...He had said "You dont have to worry why I asked person 'X" to do "A,B,C" and "Y" to do "D,E,F"...What's right for "X" need not be so for "Y"

SHE: Ditto

Me: {Still not entirely convinced that I should start writing before I personally checked with Guruji}

SHE: What did you think when Guruji said "That he was always with us and there has never been a moment when he wasn't"?

Me: I had thought, "The only person who has always been with me, lifetime-after-lifetime is my atma- a form of BRAHMAN....If Guruji says he's always been with me, it means that he's refering to my atman = BRAHMAN"

SHE: What was his response when someone questioned him about praying to Guru Padukaas on top of one's head?

Me: Guruji had said " Whose's head?...Your head??...His head??...Her head?....My head??" and also something about not to take it to literally mean on top of one's head..I can't recall his exact words.

SHE: What did Guruji say about what his thoughts were when Siddha Guru Swaprakashananda gave him all the mantras?? And what was Siddha Guru's answer to Guruji's question?

Me: That his first question to his Siddha Guru was "How will it work when you are in Anakapallae and I'm going to be in Bombay? To which Siddha Guru Swaprakashananda asked him "Don't you think the mantras have the power to guide you?"

Silence

Me: 

   

"Don't you think the mantras have the power to guide you?" Are YOU guiding me like the way YOU guided Guruji??

Silence

Me: So, If Guruji = BRAHMAN who has always been with me; if YOU in the form of the mantras are guiding me, then it is ok for me to start writing?... Now, what was Guruji's answer to the "Guru Padukaas on top of one's head" question?....Didn't he say something about how the Guru is always with us, within us, guiding us?

Ok...I'm going to start writing and tomorrow being Vijayadasami, makes it all the more special.

Guruji, I send this email to you on Vijayadasami, as a token of gratitude for your teachings....All this is, because of YOUR grace & guidance...

And so started the writings......All this is, because of my Guruji's grace & guidance....

At your feet Guruji,

Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu