My conversations with HER - Part 19 – Written on 28th November 2011:
Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu
As the taxi passed through Anakapally, I thought of my Siddha Guru Swaprakasananda and said "Somewhere here is where He lived"...So, how could I thank Him? Simple answer --- Chant the what-I-thought-was-the-Sodasi mantra and every few minutes say "Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu" as I passed through Anakapally..........."Something" told me that this mantra would "re-charge" the environment -- It was the only thing that I could think of doing, to thank my Siddha Guru for 2 things
- For giving my Guruji such a "wonderfully perfect" name - Amritananda ---- My yet-to-realize nectar of the bliss of immortality.
- For telling my Guruji "Don't you think the mantras have the power to guide you?"
I also had a chance to telephone aacharya & talk to him....I told him that I met Guruji & he has given me the "Sodasi" mantra & I remember aacharya's words to me...He had said "From your voice, it sounds as if you are in orbit"....Well what can I say, except that my Guruji is also a former nuclear scientist, has worked at the Tata Institute of Fundamental Research in Mumbai for 23 years and knows exactly how to send someone into orbit ---- Into nothingness.
My husband had asked me "How was your day? Are you happy that you went to Devipuram?" and I said "It's the best day ever".....
The next day, we visited the "X" family member at the hospital & he asked me to give him deeksha...Usually I invoke Bhagavan & Amma Bhagavan and place my hands on the person's head & give deeksha....This time, I also invoked Lalithamba, chanted the what-I-thought-was-the-Sodasi mantra
Me: {Thinking} Isn't there some enclosure in the Srichakra called the "Sarva rogahara chakra - The chakra that destroys all diseases"?
But I didn't know which one it was out of the 14-10-10-8 enclosures...So, I placed my hand on his head and wrote, in ENGLISH, the word "Srichakra" on his head, chanted the what-I-thought-was-the-Sodasi mantra and told HER
Me: YOU know exactly which enclosure is the "Sarva rogahara chakra"....So, it's upto YOU to imagine it, cure "X" person's disease and bless him.
And I gave him deeksha...A few minutes later, he told me that he felt as if something "ice-cold" had been placed on his head.
The next day, we visited the "X" family member at the hospital & he asked me to give him deeksha...Usually I invoke Bhagavan & Amma Bhagavan and place my hands on the person's head & give deeksha....This time, I also invoked Lalithamba, chanted the what-I-thought-was-the-Sodasi mantra
Me: {Thinking} Isn't there some enclosure in the Srichakra called the "Sarva rogahara chakra - The chakra that destroys all diseases"?
But I didn't know which one it was out of the 14-10-10-8 enclosures...So, I placed my hand on his head and wrote, in ENGLISH, the word "Srichakra" on his head, chanted the what-I-thought-was-the-Sodasi mantra and told HER
Me: YOU know exactly which enclosure is the "Sarva rogahara chakra"....So, it's upto YOU to imagine it, cure "X" person's disease and bless him.
And I gave him deeksha...A few minutes later, he told me that he felt as if something "ice-cold" had been placed on his head.
And that was soon-to-be-further proved when I telephoned Arjunaacharya the next day.....This time, when listening to his "Om Shivoham song" ring-tone, it seemed like I had come a long way, from the time I first heard his ring-tone....It was later, when I called Arjunaacharya again that while talking to him, I told him that I had met Guruji and he has given me the "Sodasi" mantra
Arjunaacharya: Was it the Sodasi or Maha Sodasi mantra?
Me: {Thinking} Are there two types of Sodasi??....So, I told him that I didn't know the difference between the two.
Me: That's the one....I also asked Guruji why this mantra is kept so secret and why it is said "Give away your empire and even your head, but never reveal the mantra".
Arjunaacharya: What did Guruji reply?
Me: {Thinking} What was it that Guruji told me??..I remember Him writing 3 sets-of-things on the blackboard but why can't I remember them all....{As I type this: I've already forgotten what exactly I told Arjunaacharya....Why?.... Because whatever I told him then was not 100% correct and now that I know the correct answer, I can't seem to recall what "wrong" answer I then-told-him }...I think I told Arjunaacharya something like "Guruji said something about how this mantra will help a disciple overcome the limiting identities of Guru - disciple and Seer - seen...He also said that this mantra could be mis-represented to mean the physical union of the Guru with the disciple but what it really means is that the Guru is now ONE with the disciple...Guruji said that I was now His Shakti."
Arjunaacharya: Did Guruji give you a new name?
Me: No
After my conversation with Arjunaacharya, as I was contemplating our talks:
Me: Why did Arjunaacharya ask me if Guruji had given me a new name?? Isn't that done during the "poorna abishekam" of Srividya - when one has 'graduated' from the school of Srividya?? There was no "abishekam" done to me?? Why did Arjunaacharya ask me that question? Surely he knows what he is talking about...What's the difference between Sodasi and Maha Sodasi mantra??...I must "google" it .
Did Arjunaacharya also not mention something about tharpanams and though I didn't exactly understand all that he said, what little I understood was "Start with saying you are Shiva/Bhairava and "something, something, something later" you end with saying you are Bhairavi/Lalitha Tripura Sundari".... {Sorry Arjunaacharya, that is all I remembered after our conversation}
Me: Could the tarpanams that Arjunaacharya mentioned be "somewhat" representative of the Deva tharpanam that I've been doing??
And I had an "uneasy" feeling
Me: {Thinking} Is the "Maha Sodasi mantra" what I think it is??..... Did I just graduate from-the-school-of-Srividya and not even realize it?.....Why do I have an "uncomfortable feeling" that I missed my own "graduation ceremony" from the school-of-Srividya??
And there was no computer nearby, for me to immediately lookup and confirm my "uneasy feeling"...So, it had to wait a few more days, until exactly a week after I met Guruji, for me to finally realize what-I-have-been given...Until then I chanted what-I-thought-was-the-Sodasi mantra and kept on saying "Whatever is the benefit of chanting this what-I-thought-was-the-Sodasi mantra, I give it all back to YOU BRAHMAN ---- Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu"
And I had an "uneasy" feeling
Me: {Thinking} Is the "Maha Sodasi mantra" what I think it is??..... Did I just graduate from-the-school-of-Srividya and not even realize it?.....Why do I have an "uncomfortable feeling" that I missed my own "graduation ceremony" from the school-of-Srividya??
And there was no computer nearby, for me to immediately lookup and confirm my "uneasy feeling"...So, it had to wait a few more days, until exactly a week after I met Guruji, for me to finally realize what-I-have-been given...Until then I chanted what-I-thought-was-the-Sodasi mantra and kept on saying "Whatever is the benefit of chanting this what-I-thought-was-the-Sodasi mantra, I give it all back to YOU BRAHMAN ---- Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu"
24th October 2011:
All the "family occasions" were now over and finally I had sometime to browse the internet...I was at my parent's house in Chennai and I asked my mother to look after Pranav for a while, took the laptop into the bedroom and closed the door so that I can peacefully lookup the "uneasy feeling" that's been bothering me.....And I found the answer on the very same website that led me to Arjunaacharya
Is this the (n-1)th state??.....Is this Lalitha Tripura Sundari ??
SHE: Remember that sentence that you told ME??....
Flashback on - "That sentence" that I told her:
"Either way YOU look at it, YOU lose Lalithamba....YOU need to do better than that....I just won't write about it....Sorry"
SHE: Go on and accept who you are.
Me: But Lalithamba how can that be?
SHE: Remember all those questions that you had asked aacharya?? Remember that particular sentence?
Flashback on - All those questions" that I had asked aacharya:
Aacharya, "I am just a wave in the Ocean", I would rephrase that sentence. For ordinary ignorant people, who haven't realised the Self, they are like the wave in the Ocean. But for someone who is a realised soul, that person is like the TSUNAMI in the ocean as the equation I = MIND no longer applies to such a person and hence I = HER = TSUNAMI in the ocean with the power to change the lives of many [for the good in my example].
I had read here that a full fledged Tantra practitioner will no longer be governed by the normal rules of Karma because s/he has the right attitude. If that is the case, then YOU = HER = have the power to make earth an heaven....As you say in your signature line "you are not a prisoner of your past but the master of your future"...That applies to ignorant people like me, but for YOU = HER, that is like being in hand with the creator to make a better world, to anonymously change the life of many people. Like the saying goes "Coincidences are God's way of remaining anonymous"..I don't mean to contribute to your ego/mind but given that there are only a handful of enlightened people who are THERE, isn't it like 'you' being on HER side to help HER help humanity? Aren't YOU = HER on the same team? Given that you've made it, shouldn't 'you = HER' help others make it in this or future lifetimes??
I had read somewhere that great Beings of the past [like Ramana maharishi and other Rishis], unable to help transform humanity had 'deposited' their energy in sacred spots like Thiruvannamalai/ Kailash Mansarover etc so that people who visit such places maybe benefitted..
If indeed 'you' are THERE, then a mere visit of 'you' to the govt hospitals [anonymously] would be enough to bring about some transformation to the patients there..If 'your' morning walks take 'you' to the less fortunate part of the society, then maybe the rikshawalla or the auto drivers living there would find that day to be less stressful..Maybe it would be a day where they earn Rs 200 instead of the usual Rs 100 [random example]...To them, that would be like winning the lottery, even though they may not realise it..
Doesn't the very fact that you've made it, proof enough that you are a part of HER Divine scheme?
I had read here that a full fledged Tantra practitioner will no longer be governed by the normal rules of Karma because s/he has the right attitude. If that is the case, then YOU = HER = have the power to make earth an heaven....As you say in your signature line "you are not a prisoner of your past but the master of your future"...That applies to ignorant people like me, but for YOU = HER, that is like being in hand with the creator to make a better world, to anonymously change the life of many people. Like the saying goes "Coincidences are God's way of remaining anonymous"..I don't mean to contribute to your ego/mind but given that there are only a handful of enlightened people who are THERE, isn't it like 'you' being on HER side to help HER help humanity? Aren't YOU = HER on the same team? Given that you've made it, shouldn't 'you = HER' help others make it in this or future lifetimes??
I had read somewhere that great Beings of the past [like Ramana maharishi and other Rishis], unable to help transform humanity had 'deposited' their energy in sacred spots like Thiruvannamalai/ Kailash Mansarover etc so that people who visit such places maybe benefitted..
If indeed 'you' are THERE, then a mere visit of 'you' to the govt hospitals [anonymously] would be enough to bring about some transformation to the patients there..If 'your' morning walks take 'you' to the less fortunate part of the society, then maybe the rikshawalla or the auto drivers living there would find that day to be less stressful..Maybe it would be a day where they earn Rs 200 instead of the usual Rs 100 [random example]...To them, that would be like winning the lottery, even though they may not realise it..
Doesn't the very fact that you've made it, proof enough that you are a part of HER Divine scheme?
Forgive my 'wild' thoughts but these are some questions that I've wanted to ask HER and I'm asking 'you'.
Flashback on - "That particular" sentence:
Doesn't the very fact that you've made it, proof enough that you are a part of HER Divine scheme?
SHE: Let me rephrase that sentence for you....Doesn't the very fact that you've made it, within such a short period, within 2 mandalas of starting your Upasana, proof enough that you are, who you are??
Me: {Thinking} I started the Srividya upasanas on 7th August 2011 when I met Guruji online......17th October 2011 is when I received the Maha Sodasi mantra......It has been a "smooth ride" and not all that difficult as some of the articles that I've read....Now what was aacharya's response to my questions??....Didn't he say "Priya, your answers come from HER"
SHE: If it's good enough for your aacharya, is it not good enough for you?
Me: {Thinking} See aacharya, it's all your fault....Why did you tell me that??...Why didn't you question me at all when I asked you those questions??
SHE: Because he realized the truth contained in those sentences.
Me: {Thinking} Great!....I question aacharya and SHE responds.
SHE: Is there a difference between the two?
Me: {Thinking}...That website, while describing Tantra, Bhasurananda Natha said " It is said in Tantra that for a person to be initiated properly into Tantra one must verily be SHIVA himself, or that it must be his last incarnation on earth. What usually happens is that sometimes persons who are not fully evolved also get initiated because of some past good fortune. They will keep on doing the practices without any substantial benefits. But suddenly, at some stage, the realisation dawns on them out in a further life -- and they get a full-fledged initiation and realise the ultimate truth."
Silence.
Me: But Lalithamba, how can I accept what YOU are asking me to accept?.....How can that be true??....I don't know anything Lalithamba....I have such an horrible memory...
SHE: Remember those prayers?
Flashback on - "Those prayers":
Once-upon-a-time, I had very good memory power....I think it was sometime during Spring 2001, almost 11.5 years ago, when in an argument, my yet-to-be-husband had said "Why do you always remember the negative things? Why can't you look at the positive things & learn to let-go of unnecessary things?".....You see, my memory was so good that not only could I remember every single argument that I had with my parents, but also the ones that I had with my yet-to-be-husband & tell him the exact location/place where that argument happened, the context in which an argument happened, including the colour of the shirt that he was wearing when we had the argument....THAT was how good my memory was...This thing called my mind --- my best friend and my worst enemy....It was getting to be too much of a burden, to remember all the things that I remembered, to remember all the not-so-nice things that people had said.....And to make it worse, I was not able to forgive & let-go-of-things....So, I had asked, no, begged God "Please, if YOU cannot make me forgive, atleast make me forget...What is the use of all this memory power when I'm not able to put it to good use?...At the best, I will remember both the good and the bad things and what's the use of remembering those things?.....Please, just help me remember the "Headline news"....I don't want to remember the "News in detail".".......I do remember that "something changed" after that....I do remember thinking "It's like as if a blanket has been wrapped around my heart and things don't prick me like they used to"......
Silence.
After a while,
Me: Lalithamba, I don't know anything at all - I don't know the mantras by-heart, I am but halfway through the Srividya course materials, I don't know how to properly meditate nor properly concentrate during meditations as my thoughts wander-away sometimes.....I don't know anything about Tantra...How can what YOU say be true?
SHE: Do the things that you've just said, sound familiar??
Me: Adi Shankaracharya's Bhavani Ashtakam ...He said it too didn't He?
SHE: Remember what you said when you heard the Bhavani Ashtakam?
Me: {Thinking} I had said "Shankaracharya, you atleast knew Bhavani....I don't know even that.....All that I know is that SHE is some form of Devi, some form of BRAHMAN....All that you have said applies to me too, except one thing....I would only change one word of the last sentence to say Gatis-Tvam Gatis-Tvam Tvam-Ekaa BRAHMAN.....You are my Refuge, You Alone are my Refuge, Oh BRAHMAN"
But Lalithamba, all that is said in the Bhavani Ashtakam also applies to 99.9999% of the people in this world, a few billion people in this world.
SHE: And out of those 99.9999% of the people, how many of them are Srividya Upasakas, constantly think of BRAHMAN and have received the Maha Sodasi mantra within 2 mandalas of starting their upasanas and are having this conversation with ME?
Me: {Thinking} Now that would greatly reduce the percentage to 0.00001% of people.
Okay, answer this question: If I was an American Psychologist, I would say that "These are nothing but the after-effects of constantly listening to Bhavani Ashtakam...It is all just a projection of my sub-conscious mind"...How are you going to explain that?
SHE: Ofcourse it is all a projection of the consiousness or BRAHMAN....ALL answers LIE WITHIN, including the answer to the often- asked question "Who am I?"
Me: {Thinking} SHE seems to have an answer for everything.
But Lalithamba, people came to Adi Shankaracarya with their list of questions, He was able to perfectly answer all those questions..I don't know anything.
SHE: Do you think He answered any of those questions?
Me: It was all YOU wasn't it??....YOU answered all their questions....So Shankara really didn't know anything?? Was He like me?? It's kind of hard to believe it.
SHE: Are you joking that you don't know anything?
Me: No Lalithamba, I'm dead-serious....I really don't know anything.
SHE: What makes you think that He was joking?.....Shankara cries-His-heart-out in the "Bhavani Ashtakam" & you think He was joking??
Silence.
As I sat thinking over these thoughts:
SHE: Now do you know why the "Om Shivoham song" ring-tone had such an effect on you?? It was your wake-up call......Won't you turn if someone calls your name?
Silence
SHE: Don't you remember the name of the occasion, during Varahi Navarathri, that your aacharya mentioned in his note on Facebook?
Me: Kumbhabhishekam of Sri Shankaracharya Temple !!......And I felt the "after-effects" here.....
SHE: Remember that question that Arjunacharya asked you?
Flashback on - "That question" that Arjunaacharya asked me:
Arjunaacharya: Did Guruji give you a new name?
SHE: Remember those questions that you had asked?
Flashback on - "Those questions" that I had asked God:
Me: Why does one get a new name when taking-up sanyasa??....What's all that about givingup your old identity of being a son/daughter/husband/wife/brother etc to get a new identity of "XYZ" aacharya or Swami "ABC" ....Isn't that too an identity?? Shouldn't one give-up that identity too, to merge into BRAHMAN.....Noone gave Adi Shankaracharya a new name...He was always known as Shankara....People added the 'aacharya' part later out of respect, wasn't it??
SHE: Now do you realize why Guruji didn't give you a new name?
Me: {Thinking} Is that really why Guruji didn't give me a new name? How did He know to do that -- to not give me a new name?
SHE: Because He is perfectly in-tune with ME...
Silence.
Me: {Thinking} Too many co-incidences.
SHE: Remember that particular sentence that you had told aacharya?
Flashback on "That particular" sentence that I had told aacharya:
Coincidences are God's way of remaining anonymous.
SHE: Why do you think you came that close to initiation from the Meppad Sampradaya but it didn't happen?
Me: {Thinking} Didn't I read somewhere that there was some misunderstanding between Adi Shankaracharya and His Namboothiri family members over the funeral rites of His mother??
But Lalithamba, how rude is it to say that?...Why did YOU do such a thing? Arjunaacharya is a nice person...He has helped me a lot....Isn't it after doing the Varahi kola mukhi puja & because of his prayers and blessings that I am, where I am today?
SHE: These incidents are already pre-determined....Things happened the way they happened, as further proof of your identity.
Me: Lalithamba, I do know Arjunaacharya....I will ask him if there is any connection between Meppad Sampradaya & Adi Shankaracharya....What makes YOU think that I won't ask him?
SHE: And what makes you think that his answer will be any different from MY answer?
Silence
SHE: Remember all those temples that you've been to?
Flashback on - "All those temples":
1. Kanchipuram [and Maangadu amman temple in Chennai] Kamakshi
2. Madurai Meenakshi
3. Kanya Kumari amman temple, Kanyakumari
4. Kasi Visalakshi, Kasi
5. Sringeri Shankaracharya mutt
6. Kodungallur Bhagavathy temple in Trichur, Kerala
7. Madapallikavu temple, Palaghat, Kerala
8. Anikode Bhagavathy temple, Palghat, Kerala
9. Moogambigai Bhagavathy temple, Mangalore
10. Chottanikkara Bhagavathy Temple, Cochin, Kerala etc.....
SHE: Remember that paragraph, that sentence in Guruji's "Mahameru from Devipuram" pdf document?
Flashback on - "That paragraph" in Guruji's "Mahameru from Devipuram" pdf document:
Question: Have you personally found the Devipuram Maha Meru to be very auspicious?
Guruji's Answer: Yes indeed. When the first perfect sample came into my hands, the very next day I did a Chandi Yagna at Kalayarkovil near Madurai in a power factory, in the presence of a thousand people, and presided over by the Meru – demonstrating its intention to supply power to the people. The next day it received puja at Madurai Meenakshi Amman Kovil, demonstrating Her powers of attraction to all beneficent divinities. On the third day, it was taken to Kanya Kumari – showing Her potential to create oceans of beauty. And then it went ’round all the shakti kshetras made by Parashurama in God’s own land of Kerala, proof of the lineage it belongs to. Then in Bangalore it witnessed a marriage of a computer professional. And finally it came to Devipuram for a Guru Puja Utsavams on Guru Poornami Day. Then Sringeri Peetha’s Vedic University received a second Meru for the Sharada Peetham at Sweta Srigachalam, on the banks of the Uttara Vahini Krishna River. What a sequence of coincidences! I can only conclude that it was all planned by Her, not me. All of these yagnas, and everywhere it went the highest good happened. I am totally convinced about its nature and capacity to do good. I can, without the slightest doubt, recommend this Meru to everyone.
Flashback on - "That sentence" in Guruji's "Mahameru from Devipuram" pdf document:
Proof of the lineage it belongs to
SHE: It is you, my dear Shankara.
Me: {Still struggling to accept it}....But Lalithamba, how?
SHE: Remember that sentence on Dr. Pillai's website ?
Flashback on - "That sentence" on Dr. Pillai's website:
" I suggest you do Tarpanam every day. It will not only help you, it will help the whole world. Once you are liberated, the whole world opens up to you”, says Dr. Pillai.
SHE: Have you left out anyone in your tarpanam?
Me: I hope not...I hope I've repaid my debt to everyone.
Me: "Once you are liberated, the whole world opens up to you”, says Dr. Pillai.
Me: "Siva takes care of us all" had said my mother.
SHE: It is you, my dear Shankara
Me: Lalithamba, why do YOU address me as Shankara? In this lifetime, isn't my name Priya?
SHE: Have you still not understood what I've said?
Me: My dear = Priya = the meaning of my name....I am Siva, I am Shankara
And I suddenly remembered that song "Shankara" from the Telugu movie Shankarabharanam.....I didn't know the meaning of the song...Didn't know why I thought of that song, but I did.....
Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu