Revelations from MY GURU

Revelations from MY GURU

My observations, as questions arise WITHIN and answers are revealed. These are randomly asked questions and I note down the answers as they are revealed – sometimes revealed immediately, sometimes a while later.



I lay it all at YOUR feet Guruji, the feet that are WITHIN ME and the feet outside that I haven't yet had a chance to touch.

Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu

My conversations with HER - Part 18

My conversations with HER - Part 18 – Written on 27th November 2011:

Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu,

17th October 2011:

I hurried to meet Guruji & as I entered the room, I saw Guruji talking to someone..I realized that I maybe interrupting them, so I thought I would come back a few minutes later but Guruji asked me to come on in.....As I sat next to Guruji, I suddenly realized that I didn't know what to say.....I was so busy in praying & planning to meet Guruji that I hadn't thought about what to say to Him, when I meet Him...So, I started with the usual, I am so-and-so and I come from such-and-such a place and just spoke whatever thought came to me.....You see Guruji, I didn't ask you anything related to Srividya because you {and Siddha Guru Swaprakasananda} have already given me the answer during the online Srividya class, by saying "Don't you think the mantras have the power to guide you?".....So, after some casual conversations, I told Guruji that I had come to meet Him and to get a personal deeksha from Him...What was this personal deeksha??....I had no idea....All that I knew, was that Guruji had told someone, during the online class that "Sometime in your lifetime, it would be good if you come and take a personal deeksha from me"....That's all I knew Guruji.

Guruji: What do you want?

Me: I will take whatever you give me Guruji...

You see Guruji, I couldn't ask you for anything, not with Sri Bhaskararaya makhi literally "sitting on my shoulders" and reminding me of my 'asuddha bhakti'

{As I type this: Guruji, I told you "I came to meet you and get a personal deeksha"....That by itself was me asking you for something --- a personal deeksha.....But at that time I didn't realize it Guruji....I indeed did have "selective amnesia".. }

And as I prostrated to your feet, I was reminded of some article that I had read & also a certain topic that was discussed during the online Srividya class...I vaguely remembered that someone, while talking about the Dasa Maha Mudras, had asked about a certain mudra, which when shown to a deity/person would enable one to "take away some of the power" of the deity/person.....Guruji had said something about how even if that were to happen, He believed that one can "re-charge" oneself and in-reality one doesn't really lose any of one's powers/energy....And also, didn't I read somewhere that the Guru’s feet are worshipped or revered because all the Guru’s shakti dwells in the feet....So, as I prostrated to your feet, I made sure that I didn't touch your feet....You see Guruji, I had thought "Guruji has already given me so much...I don't want to take away any of His Shakti.".......And that is why I didn't touch your feet Guruji.


Guruji, as you gave me "a mantra" and I repeated it after you, all that I recognized was that it also contained the 15-lettered Panchadasi mantra....When you told me the name of the mantra, all I heard was the "Sodasi" part because, as you noticed, my son Pranav was constantly bothering me & interrupting our conversations.....But I had read about the Sodasi mantra & how this mantra was kept in most secret and I was overwhelmed that you gave it to me...And that is why I asked you why this mantra is kept so secret and why it is said "Give away your empire and even your head, but never reveal the mantra"....As you explained and wrote on the nearby blackboard, I listened to whatever you said.....Though at-that-time I didn't 100% understand the meaning Guruji, I didn't want to bother you & ask you to again explain it to me......So, I had told BRAHMAN " Please remember what Guruji said and explain it to me later."


Me: Guruji, I have a very bad memory and I will forget this mantra even before I leave this place.

Guruji: Write it down


So, I grabbed my purse and my notebook & wrote down the mantra as Guruji repeated it and asked me to say-it-as-I-wrote-it.

And as I sat there, being overwhelmed and feeling very guilty that I didn't bring my Guruji anything...

Guruji: Come and give me a hug..

It was so difficult for me to not cry, to hold back my tears and I thought "Guruji heard me....He knows all about me, even all of my unspoken words"


All of my unspoken words:

During the last few weeks, as I thought of my Guruji, I had an overwhelming desire to hug Him.....I had thought "Doesn't a Mother hug her child and vice-versa??.....Isn't my Guruji = HER, and if so, why can't I hug my Guruji??.....Why do they say that one should only bow to the Guru's feet?? Doesn't my Guru reside in my heart, and if so, why can't I hug my Guruji?....Doesn't Hanuman say that Lord Rama & Sita Devi always reside in His heart....Can I hug my Guruji, will He let me??.......I didn't know if it was proper to do so but those thoughts/emotions did come to me....


And as I struggled to hold-back-my-tears and hugged my Guruji

Me: Guruji, what do I give you as Guru Dakshina?

Guruji: I don't want anything


And I thought "I'm still a beggar...I have only taken from Him.....What do I give Him?...How am I ever going to repay Him??"

You see Guruji, I had forgotten to tell you what I had decided to give you as Guru Dakshina.....I didn't remember to tell you that I have decided to give you my-share-of-the-right as Pranav's mother.....Such is my memory.

Pranav seemed all too eager to share his stories with Guruji and if I remember right Guruji, I think you hugged him too...I had thought "What a blessed soul is Pranav.....It took me 33 years to stand before my Guruji and Pranav is able to do it when he is just 3 years old."

I realized that there were people waiting outside to meet Guruji & so Pranav and I left.....As we prayed to the life-sized Khadgamala GODDESSs in Devipuram, there were a few names that I recognized from the Khadgamala Stotram and when I stood before Varahi Devi, I thanked HER profusely for HER blessings........Pranav was happy to go, see, touch and sometimes shake-hands with the GODDESSs and would ask me the names of each of them & I would read out from the label...There was a staircase that I noticed and Pranav & I climbed up to go & finally stand before HER - Goddess Sahasrakshi, known to me as Lalithamba...As we did pradakshina to Lalithamba, the following thoughts came to me:

• Ask HER for a daughter. SHE will give it to you.
• No, Ashuddha bhakti.....How can I ask HER for a pebble {i.e a daughter} when SHE has just given me a diamond { i.e what-I-thought-was-the-Sodasi mantra}.....I don't want a daughter.
• Don't say that you don't want a daughter.
• Ok. I don't want to say that I don't want a daughter.......Lalithamba, what are these thoughts coming to me?? Can't I atleast pray to you silently without these commentaries going on within me?.... Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu

The lady who did the kumkum archana asked us to offer kumkum to HER Srichakra and so Pranav & I did so....The only thought that came to me was {in Tamil - Sri Chakra vasiniyae namaha……Sri Chakrathil irukira kodana kodi Devigalaku namaha }whose English meaning is "My salutations to the ONE who lives in Srichakra....My salutations to the crores of Devis who live in Srichakra"

And as Pranav & I thanked HER & we were about to go downstairs, the lady casually mentioned that there was another staircase which people usually use to climb up and the one that we had used was the one to go down.....I thought "Lalithamba, even the staircase that I took to climb up {to come to YOU} is the wrong one.....I just saw a staircase & climbed it....Anyway, it brought me to YOU & that's all it matters to me."

We then went to meet Guruamma, prostrated to Her feet & seeked Her blessings too...We went to the Kamakhya temple and I remembered it from the pictures that I had seen....The 1000 lingams were indeed a sight to see and I remembered seeing it in the "Devipuram empowerment video".....Then it was back to meet Guruji again to seek His blessings again & say bye to Him....I had just one question to ask Guruji

Me: Guruji, when should I chant the mantra that you just gave me?

Guruji: Chant it all the time.

We had lunch at the canteen in Devipuram, met a few volunteers there and also paid the money for the homas done during Navarathri....It was a blessed day and while on my way back, as I started chanting the what-I-thought-was-the-Sodasi mantra, I counted the letters

Me: {Thinking} There are more than 16 letters in this mantra...How could this be Sodasi?......But if I take the 15 letter Panchadasi as just 3 letters, then the count comes to 16....Maybe this is the way "Sodasi" is counted......How do I know??...They keep these mantras so secret.... What does it matter, if this is what Guruji asked me to chant all the time, it's good enough for me....

And as I chanted it, after a while, I could smell what-seemed-like-sandalwood.....I checked the car dashboard to see if the taxi driver had an incense burning and there was none...

Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu

My conversations with HER - Part 1

My conversations with HER – Written on 5th October 2011

Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu

The instinct to pen down my journey has been there for a while and though I didn't act on it too much, lately it has been overwhelming....These 'conversations' are thoughts within my mind and I''m able to recognize HER talking to me because as soon as that thought comes, there is a sense of calm, relief, like an answer has been found....Two or three days ago, as I was preparing the evening dinner,my thoughts were oscillating between Lalitha Devi & Adi Shankaracharya....

Me: O Lalithamba, isn't it because YOU were with Sankaracharya that he was able to answer & defeat all those people in spiritual debates. Isn't it because YOU verily sat on Sri Bhaskararachrya's shoulder, that he is recognised even today as a great Srividya Upasaka....Isn't it because of YOUR grace that an uneducated what-seemed-like-a-foolish person like Kalidasa became Maha kavi Kaalidasa.....Why do YOU not do the same to me too? Why are YOU not with me? YOU are being partial...It's not fair...

Pat came HER response: Adi Shankaracharya never questioned MY WILL....He never hesitated when I asked him to do something...How many times have I instinctly told you to write down your experiences..Have you done it yet?

What do I do, when SHE so clearly has me cornered...I had no answer except being silent {for a while at least}.

Me: Lalithamba, I'm scared...I don't have the spiritual knowledge to backup my writings. What do I do if people question me? I don't know Sanskrit & can't even seem to correctly remember where I read what...

SHE: Didn't you just say that Kalidasa was a foolish person before MY grace?

Me: Silence

I still scared amma....

SHE: What's the point of you listening non-stop to Bhavani Ashtakam if you haven't yet learnt to surrender?

Me: Will YOU be with me always like the way YOU were with Adi Shankaracharya?

Silence

Me: You just told me the answer, didn't YOU?....That Adi Shankaracharya never questioned YOUR WILL....Ok...I'll do as YOU say, but before I do that, can I test YOU? I agree that this is me still questioning YOU, but I want to be sure that it's really YOU & not just my thoughts wandering.....Remember last month, I read on that blog about Bala {Bala Tripura Sundari}.....That lady had written that Bala came in her dream & she had tried to lift HER but it was impossible because SHE was so heavy!!.... Well, if Bala - the daughter is heavy, how come YOU O Lalithamba were able to sit on Bhaskararachrya's shoulder? I'm unable to understand this.

SHE: The answer lies in Khadgamala Stotram....Remember the different Siddhis? Anima siddhi, Lagima Siddhi, Garima Siddhi etc.....Bala, in that lady's dream was exhibiting Garima Siddhi - Siddhi of being heavy and ME while sitting on Bhaskararachrya's shoulder was exhibiting Lagima Siddhi - Siddhi of being lighter than air

Me:

   

Ofcourse, such a simple answer...One more question....I had read that once you have a Guru, before one embarks on something new, one has to consult with his/her Guru...Doesn't that mean that I need my Guruji's permission & blessing before I start writing down my experiences? Can I start writing after I meet him in India in the next few weeks?

SHE: What did Guruji tell you during your online classes? What did he tell you during the very 1st class??

Me: That he was always with us and there has never been a moment when he wasn't....He had also asked us not to compare with others...He had said "You dont have to worry why I asked person 'X" to do "A,B,C" and "Y" to do "D,E,F"...What's right for "X" need not be so for "Y"

SHE: Ditto

Me: {Still not entirely convinced that I should start writing before I personally checked with Guruji}

SHE: What did you think when Guruji said "That he was always with us and there has never been a moment when he wasn't"?

Me: I had thought, "The only person who has always been with me, lifetime-after-lifetime is my atma- a form of BRAHMAN....If Guruji says he's always been with me, it means that he's refering to my atman = BRAHMAN"

SHE: What was his response when someone questioned him about praying to Guru Padukaas on top of one's head?

Me: Guruji had said " Whose's head?...Your head??...His head??...Her head?....My head??" and also something about not to take it to literally mean on top of one's head..I can't recall his exact words.

SHE: What did Guruji say about what his thoughts were, when Siddha Guru Swaprakashananda gave him all the mantras?? And what was Siddha Guru's answer to Guruji's question?

Me: That his first question to his Siddha Guru was "How will it work when you are in Anakapallae and I'm going to be in Bombay? To which Siddha Guru Swaprakashananda asked him "Don't you think the mantras have the power to guide you?" 

Silence

Me:

    

"Don't you think the mantras have the power to guide you?" Are YOU guiding me like the way YOU guided Guruji??

Silence

Me: So, If Guruji = BRAHMAN who has always been with me; if YOU in the form of the mantras are guiding me, then it is ok for me to start writing?... Now, what was Guruji's answer to the "Guru Padukaas on top of one's head" question?....Didn't he say something about how the Guru is always with us, within us, guiding us?

Ok...I'm going to start writing and tomorrow being Vijayadasami, makes it all the more special.

Guruji, I send this email to you on Vijayadasami, as a token of gratitude for your teachings....All this is, because of YOUR grace & guidance...

Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu

Introduction

Introduction – Written on 2nd February 2012


Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu

As I begin to type this introduction, I think of my Guruji and am reminded about his first words during the online Srividya class offered by Devipuram in August 2011...Guruji had said "Hi Friends"....So, that's how I begin this introduction:

Hi Friends,

My name is Priya and I am a Srividya Upasaka. These writings are about my spiritual experiences. I'm not a vedic pundit nor a sanskrit scholar....My spiritual writings are how I moved from

asato ma sad gamaya
tamaso ma jyotir gamaya
mrutyor ma amritam gamaya

From ignorance, to truth
From darkness, to light
From death, to immortality

From the left hand side, of the above quote to the right hand side....It's a journey -- my spiritual journey "as-it-happened" ---- NOT as I now know it to be.

Call HER by whatever name you want - Adi Parashakti, Kali, Bhagavathi etc.....To me, SHE is Lalithamba....As my spiritual journey progressed, I turned to HER & HER Vidya called "Sri Vidya" because I felt that my life was "incomplete" without a daughter ---- I turned to HER to seek a daughter and my spiritual journey led me to HER --- and I realized that SHE is the "daughter" that I have been missing...People may call HER as "Mother" but to me, SHE is my daughter and I've found HER, safely tucked away within mySELF.

This is my journey, on how I found HER.....Why am I sharing this with you? --- Because SHE asks me to, because I felt like it....Either way you take it, it would be true.

So, "tighten your seat-belt" and get ready for the roller-coaster ride....It's upto you whether to believe all this or not....But it is my personal experience...Remember the saying "Don't judge a book by it's cover"....Well, don't yet judge me by this "introduction" ---- the story is afterall, just starting.....Wait until you've read it all, as I've written it all down --- as per instructions from HER.....I had initially shared these writings with my Guruji and with His grace & blessings, I'm sharing it all with you as well.... There maybe a few places that have typo/grammatical errors...I've proof-read as much as possible and anyway in the path-of-the-Higher Truth, the "rules of grammar" isn't going to save anyone, right??

"Story, screenplay, direction, action" = all HER doing.....It took me a while to realize IT.....If possible, please do wait until the finale of these writings before you judge me.....The order of the story is:

1. Introduction
2. Srividya - Yes or No?  ---- The "summary" that I had sent to the online Srividya class on 3rd August 2011, for consideration to join the online class.
3. My conversations with HER ---- Part 1 to Part 23   
4. "Giving-something-back-to-the-society" project" 
5. Conclusion 

Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu