Revelations from MY GURU

Revelations from MY GURU

My observations, as questions arise WITHIN and answers are revealed. These are randomly asked questions and I note down the answers as they are revealed – sometimes revealed immediately, sometimes a while later.



I lay it all at YOUR feet Guruji, the feet that are WITHIN ME and the feet outside that I haven't yet had a chance to touch.

Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu

My conversations with HER - Part 9

My conversations with HER - Part 9 - Written on 11th November 2011:

Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu

(cont) The happenings in June 2011:

By the end of this month, things were "unstable" within me.....Maybe because of all the happenings - me being unable to get the Devipuram Meru, me being a total fool and failing to recognize the form of Srividya initiation from the Meppad temple, made me very very upset....You see, at that point, spiritually speaking, I wasn't evolved enough to put the "blame" on HER or IT.......Why did I not email Arjunaacharya and re-ask him for initiation into Srividya??......I did think about it but then I thought "Maybe, he will be upset with me for refusing it in the first place.".......So, I just let-it-be and I wondered "Is this the closest I'll ever come to Srividya??"...

I was angry with HER for everything....I had thought

{As I hesitate to type my "then-thoughts":

SHE: Type them exactly as it came...

Me: But Lalithamba, I scolded YOU so badly.....

SHE: Could you have done it, if I didn't want you to??....Those thoughts have already come...You are now, only writing about it....Go on, type them all.... }


I had thought " Who are YOU Lalithamba and why did YOU have to go & sit right in the "Bindu of Srichakra" and make YOURSELF so inaccessible to people??......What gave YOU the right to play with my life??....Why did YOU come into my life if YOU didn't want me to find YOU??.....Are YOU testing me??.....Are you asking me to choose between YOU and my husband?? "

I was then reminded of a conversation between my mother-in-law and me in the year 2007.....My mother-in-law had said "It is us women who get caught up with samsara and think "This is my husband, this is my family"...For men, it is easier for them to forsake the family and go in search of truth".......I had then thought "Not me, I will not be one of those women who think that way....If I had to choose, I will give up my family to go in-search of the Higher Truth.."

It almost seemed as if SHE was testing me......Reminding me of that conversation and asking me to choose....


No amount of "discussions" at home seemed to help.....My husband had said "Why are you so stubborn??...Why can't you be flexible??....Until now it was rudhrakshas that had your attention and now this??.....Tomorrow you will find another thing....Why are you so selfish??".....Well, he was right....Until now it was rudhrakshas.....I so very badly wanted the Indrakshi mala.....Why??...Because I had so many 'unfulfilled desires' and didn't I read that an Indrakshi mala would make a person be "Ichadhari".......I couldn't very well explain it but I just 'felt-the-burning-desire' and it was after wearing those higher mukhi rudhraksha beads after Shivarathri 2011, that this 'burning-desire' subsided a lot.....After wearing these higher mukhi beads, I was able to say "It is now ok even if I don't get the Indrakshi mala.."


And now this "latest madness", mad after HER.....I had asked HER "Am I selfish Lalithamba??....Am I?.....If the very reason for me to be selfish is to know this "SELF", then doesn't this SELFish nature become DIVINE 'ish??.......Why are YOU not helping me??....How could YOU be so cruel and heartless??....Is it fair at all??.....Why did YOU come into my life??...Why give me all these desires if YOU don't want me to find YOU??  "

I then remembered aacharya's signature line on his gmail.....What was it that he had written??

"What you have is destiny and what you do with what you have is effort.....Future destiny is past destiny modified by your present action...You are not only the prisoner of your past but master of your future"

I copied it,  printed it & stuck it on my refrigerator at home so that I would always remember it.....I must have read it atleast a thousand times, especially the underlined words and thought "What am I going to do NOW that will change my future??? "....There was only one thing that came to mind......So, again started the "discussions" at home....

My husband: Again??..We are having the same talk again??...Ok, let me ask you this....Weren't you the one who said that there is no such thing as 'your' money and 'my' money as it's a single account?

Me: Yes

My husband: Irrespective of you saying that, didn't you say "I want "X" dollars a month 'pocket-money' to spend on your so-called "spiritual activities" online even though you know that I don't believe in "online prayers" ?

Me: Yes

My husband: Haven't you been doing your so-called pujas online in the different websites that you found??

Me: Yes {On Dr. Pillai's website and Astroved}

My husband: And when I bought "X" electronic item didn't you say that I was wasting money on un-necessary things?

Me: Yes

My husband:  And if I was wasting money on "an item" that you could see before your eyes, why is it wrong when I say the same thing back to you?

Me: Silence {I didn't know how to explain it then}

My husband: Didn't "A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H" happen according to the way you wanted it?

Me: Yes

My husband: Name a few things that happened the way I wanted it, without you changing it one bit.

Me: {After thinking really hard} "X,Y & Z"

My husband: It took you a while to think about the things that have happened my way, and all you could come up was 3 items.....Didn't I give you a 'list' of things that have happened the way you wanted it?.....Are the scales even balanced??…Is this fair?.....

!!!!

 Me: {Thinking: Didn't I ask HER the same question....If it was fair of HER }.....Even though I agree that all that you have said is correct, I still want what I want.....

 A few more "discussions" later

My husband: Since there is no end to these "discussions", the only solution is, for you to do what you want with your salary and me to do what I want with mine....You do have a big ego and the sooner you realize it, the better it'll be for all of us....And if you do choose to do what you want with your salary, you will have to do it outside this house.

  

You see, at that time, I really couldn't explain it....I felt as if SHE was testing me to see how far I would go......I felt SHE was testing me to see who I would choose....That conversation between my mother-in-law and me was "being re-played" within my mind.....At that time, spiritually speaking, I was ready to do anything for 'moksha'....So, mentally I was ready to leave-the-house

So, I emailed Arjunaacharya all the necessary information and requested the "Varahi Kola mukhi puja, Sri Durga Nitya puja and Mahalakshmi Kamalatmika puja" and also sent him the payment.

I told HER "I've done my part....I have chosen YOU...Let me see what YOU do now....The ball is in your court Lalithamba....Are YOU going to make me face the consequences of my actions or are YOU going to assume responsibility for it??....All those websites and forums that said "Just tell HER that it is HER problem and see what will happen"......Well Lalithamba, it is YOUR problem now."

At home, my husband was surprised with what I had done...He said "Irrespective of you agreeing that it was not fair, if you still chose to do it, it could only mean that you are only concerned about yourself."........Well that was true, I was only concerned about mySELF...

Who do I ask to see if I had a big ego?? Surely I wouldn't know it...I had absolutely no patience to repeat this 'Ramayana-like-proportion' story to ask who was correct?....How do I know if it's the ego in me which is thinking that "I will do just fine if I leave the house" or "If I have to apologize to my husband & face the consequences".....There was only one place that I could think of......So Prasna services it was and I asked them and the response was that I don't leave the house.

It only made me angrier.....I told HER "Just who do YOU think YOU are??....Irrespective of me choosing YOU, why do YOU want me to stay back??....Why are YOU playing with my life??.."

'Something' told me that Sage Narada was witnessing these events and saying "Narayana, Narayana"......I said " YOU Narada, is it YOU who is doing this to me??....How many times have YOU interfered in other people's life to cause misunderstandings.....What makes YOU think that YOU could do as YOU please and pass the 'blame' to Narayana by chanting HIS name??....YOU know what??... If YOU can do as YOU please and say "Narayana, Narayana", then I too can scold you left- right-and-center and pass the 'blame' onto BRAHMAN by saying "Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu"

Now, YOU Narayana, how could YOU, who so clearly saved YOUR devotee Prahalada, be so partial to his grandson MahaBali and push him into the underworld.....Was that fair??....Don't even answer that question......YOU have YOUR own so-called reason for everything.

And now YOU LALITHA, why did YOU have to go & sit in the bindu of a Srichakra and make it hard for people to find YOU...How much longer are YOU going to test me??...Aren't these emotions good enough for YOU?....Are these tears not real enough for YOU??....YOU and YOUR daughter BALA {Bala tripura Sundari}, what makes YOU think the two of YOU can do as YOU please and noone will question YOU?...YOU know what, if in YOUR world, if YOU O Lalithamba are 16 years old and YOU have a 9 year old daughter BALA, then in my world, on this earth plane, I am 33 years old and that means that I'm old enough to be YOUR mother Lalithamba.....So stop fooling around and behave YOURSELF....Be the daughter YOU expect of BALA....What does it take to get YOUR attention??....I have tried asking YOU nicely.....No, I have asked YOU nicely, but apparently that doesn't work....Let me see if I can make YOU angry enough for YOU to respond to me.....Didn't I read somewhere that "The Goddess loves fun"....YOU know what Lalithamba, it's not funny anymore....Not when YOU play with my life like this.....I don't like YOUR sense of humor....It is not funny anymore.....Go on, open YOUR eyes and look at me......LOOK-AT-ME

{As I hesitate to type further:

SHE: Type the exact words you used.

Me: YOU mean the exact words that YOU made me use

SHE: Is there a difference now, at this stage, when I = YOU }

 Go on, open YOUR eyes and look at me......LOOK-AT-ME DAMN IT

An inner voice, which at that time I thought was fear trying to creep back in:  Did you just scold HER?....Lalitha Tripura Sundari??...HER, whose ugra avatar (fierce form) even the Trimurties are afraid of??

Me: (Still angry)...Yes....Yes I did....So what if it is LALITHA HERSELF.....So what??.....I don't care anymore....What is SHE going to do?? Open HER 3rd eye and burn me to ashes??....Curse me to eternal damnation??......What is my present life if not eternally damned anyways??....Can life get anymore damned when SHE is not in my life.....When Sri Lakshmi who is a part of HER can bestow blessings on HER devotees by merely HER side-way glances, then what amount of blessings must pour in when LALITHA HERSELF looks at me, even though SHE may look at me and burn me up.....I don't care anymore Lalithamba.....I'm not afraid to die.

An inner voice, which at that time I thought was fear trying to creep back in: What about your husband and son?

Me: Why should I worry about it??....It's HER problem.....If SHE has decided to burn me up, SHE should be the one worrying about what will happen to my husband and son....I''ve already given-up my husband anyway.

Silence

Me: (Still angry): Go on, open YOUR eyes and LOOK-AT-ME.....YOU are the one who preached Advaita through Adi Shankaracharya isn't it?....YOU are the one who said it is all YOU.....And I'm the idiot who doesn't yet "get-it"........I'm the fool here who is yet to practically experience it....That means, according to YOU, YOU are only scolding YOURSELF.

The only way for me to explain what happened next is, imagine that you have a 100kg weight on your head and imagine that suddenly that weight has been lifted....Whatever is that feeling, was what I felt then

Me: So, if SHE said that it is all HER, if SHE said that SHE = Me and I just said that SHE was scolding HERSELF, then does it mean that I'm just scolding myself now ??...If A = B and B = C then A = C right???

The insight was so profound, deep and confusing that it shut me up, for a while atleast.....

Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu.

My conversations with HER - Part 5

My conversations with HER - Part 5 – Written on 3rd November 2011

Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu

The Happenings in September 2011:

4th September 2011 - Basic 5.1 of the Online Srividya class offered by Devipuram

Guruji taught us the MahaGanapathy mantra and tarpana method and on 6th September I started doing the MahaGanapathy tarpana.....The tarpana audio mp3 file was the same one that I had come across a few months ago at the old Devipuram website....One day while at work, as I was browsing that website, I had an urge to do the MahaGanapathy tarpana & so I just took off my footwear & listened to the audio...At the end of it, I told Ganapathy " I know that YOU are somewhere in my body....Whenever YOU are, I offer the merit of listening to the MahaGanapathy tarpana all back to YOU"

As I started doing the MahaGanapathy tarpanam, at the end of it, in addition to saying "Aayur arogyam aishwaryam balam pushtihi mahadyashaha kavitvam bhukti muktee cha chaturavrutti tarpanaat", I would say, " Whatever is the merit of doing the MahaGanapathy tarpanam, I give it all back to YOU O BRAHMAN in the form of MahaGanapathy"

SHE: If you keep offering all the merits back to the GODS, don't you want anything for yourself?

Me: What's the use Lalithamba? What am I going to do with it? What difference does it make if I'm bound by a lead chain {paapam, sin} or a gold chain { punyam,merit}...I will still be bound...The heavens or hells, both are temporary and I don't want either of them. Remember that video of Nirvana Shatikam of Adi Shankaracharya that you brought into my life? I had looked for it's meaning in english and learnt that Shankaracharya had said  that HE was neither the punyam nor the papam and if HE said that, it's good enough for me...

SHE: Don't you want ME?

Me: Very clever of YOU O Lalithamba... Are YOU testing me? When my destination is BRAHMAN, aren't YOU "automatically covered"?? Aren't YOU automatically included? But if my destination is  YOU, then I may not get BRAHMAN, do I?.... I don't want to get attached to the notion that "I am a Srividya Upasaka, I have earned a lot of merit"....All that is only going to make my ego swell and  I have a big enough ego already......Please Lalithamba, no more tests, don't test me anymore....I've failed enough  lifetimes....No more.

Silence.

{As I type the above, I wonder why did I even do all those actions if I didn't want the merit??....At that time, this question didn't come...I was already confused enough..Maybe SHE knew just the right questions to ask so that I was not totally confused.}

Before I go on, I need to share the happenings in June & July 2011 to put things in perspective. I realize that I may not remember all the happenings but will write it down as I'm reminded about them.

The happenings in June 2011:

Since June 2010, I was regularly observing the Ekadasi fast....In June 2011, before every Ekadasi, like I usually do, I read up on the benefits of observing the upcoming Nirjala Ekadasi....As I read it, when I read the sentence that said, I quote:

"Furthermore, O best of beings, any man or woman who observes this fast properly and worships the Supreme Lord Jalaśāyī (He who sleeps on the water), and who on the next day satisfies a qualified brāhmaṇa with nice sweets and a donation of cows and money - such a person certainly pleases the Supreme Lord Vāsudeva, so much so that one hundred previous generations in his family undoubtedly go to the Supreme Lord's abode"

I thought " A 100 previous generations?"

I was already doing daily pitru & karunya tarpanam since March 2011....At first I was offering it to the previous 21 generations of my forefathers, then I had read somewhere on Dr. Pillai's website { I can't find the exact link now, but it was there somewhere on Dr. Pillai's website} that all that one experiences in this lifetime is due to the blessings or displeasure of the previous 64 generations of one's forefathers... And I thought, " Previous 64 generations?....Ok, hereafter, I'll include upto last 64 generations of my forefathers when doing pitru tarpanam...If that's what my Agastiar {Dr Pillai} tells me, it's good enough for me."

And now, the benefits of Nirjala Ekadasi talks about uplifting the previous 100 generations....How many previous generations of forefathers are there???

I observed the Nirjala Ekadasi fast and while breaking-my-fast the next morning, like I usually do, I gave the merits of observing the Ekadasi fast all back to Narayana and ended it with " Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu"....But the question remained...How many previous generations of forefathers are there???

{ As I type this:
SHE: Mention the 'qualified brahmana' part too, to whom you offered the prasadam the next day.

Me: Whenever, whatever Ekadasi fast talks about breaking-the-fast the next day with offerings to ''a qualified brahmana", initially I had  thought "Where am I going to find a brahmana, let alone "a qualified brahmana" at the place where I live in USA?".....So, I said "Narayana, I'm unable to find "a qualified brahmana" at the place where I live as there is no Indian community around. So, who else could be the PERFECTLY QUALIFIED BRAHMANA other than YOU?"....And I would place this photo of Guruvayoorappan which I had in my pooja altar and offer the prasadam to HIM...Offering items in donation like silver,cows & gold??.....I imagined that I gave HIM lots of it...Didn't I read somewhere that if one wears a 11 mukhi rudhraksha bead and for some reason is not able to practically do certain items, if one merely imagines as if the work has been done, it is equivalent to doing it.}


That morning, as I did my daily pitru & karunya tarpanam { I don't do the tarpanams on Ekadasi...Why? Because 'something' told me that "Let my forefathers and 'karunya tarpanam members' also observe the ekadasi fast with me."} I "updated" my offerings to include ALL my forefathers from the "beginningless beginning of time"......I didn't want to leave out anyone...

How do I do my daily tarpanams?? This is how, using video 1  and video 2 {that someone from the Pillaicenter group had emailed me} as reference and multi-lingual languages of Tamil when addressing my forefathers, Telugu when addressing my husband's forefathers and English/Tamil for the karunya tarpanams.

Before I start my tarpanams:

I wear all of my rudhrakshas and invoke the guidance of all GODS... I say:

2 mukhi rudhraksha representing - Arthanareswara
3 mukhi rudhraksha representing - Agni deva
4 mukhi rudhraksha representing - Brahma deva
5 mukhi rudhraksha representing - Lord Shiva
6 mukhi rudhraksha representing - Muruga, Karthikeya
7 mukhi rudhraksha representing - Goddess Mahalakshmi, Sapta Rishis [ Seven Eternal Sages], Sapta Naga Devargal [Seven Serpant Gods], Sapta Maatrikas [ Seven MOTHERS] { I realized that the 7 mukhi rudhraksha also represents the Seven MOTHERS while researching about what "varahi kola mukhi pooja" meant...Until Arjunaacharya of Meppad temple mentioned Varahi's name in June 2011, I had no idea who THAT was....And I had been wearing the 7 mukhi bead since November 2010 !!!}
8 mukhi rudhraksha representing - Lord Ganesha
9 mukhi rudhraksha representing - Goddess Durga
10 mukhi rudhraksha representing - Lord Vishnu, Lord Narayana
11 mukhi rudhraksha representing  - Lord Hanuman, The 11th form of Lord Rudra
12 mukhi rudhraksha representing - Surya deva
13 mukhi rudhraksha representing - Indra deva and Kama deva
14 mukhi rudhraksha representing - Lord Shiva
16 mukhi rudhraksha representing  - Maha Mrityunjaya form of Lord Shiva
17 mukhi rudhraksha representing - Katyani devi, the 6th form of Goddess Durga and Viswakarma
The Lakshi Saligram infront of whom I am to do the tarpanam {I had read somewhere that if one does tarpanam infront of a Saligram, it greatly benefits one's forefathers} and
BRAHMAN

With YOU ALL as my WITNESS I begin to do my pitru & karunya tarpanam. I don't know the puja methods or slokas to be chanted...I don't know the Sanskrit verses to be chanted, but surely YOU ALL know it.....Surely YOU ALL know the exact lokas or places where these souls reside.....Please let the benefits of this pitru tarpanam and karunya tarpanam reach these souls.....I don't know the 'names and addresses' of all these people [ Meaning: names of ALL previous generations of forefathers and the gotras of 'karunya tarpanam members'] but surely YOU ALL know it......Just as I trust "an instrument called GPS" in my car for it to safely take me to my destination { GPS widely used here in the USA}, BRAHMAN, you are the GPS I trust to safely take these tarpanam offerings to these souls.... Surely BRAHMAN, YOU know all languages and not just Sanskrit...Please help these souls merge into YOU.

Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu - Whatever I'm going to do, I offer it all to BRAHMAN

Pitru tarpanam: {My parents are alive, so I omit their names}

As I sit facing the south direction, with my left leg's knee touching the ground {and not the right leg's knee}, I place the rice, white sesame seeds, darba grass, water and an one-cent coin in my hand and say & invoke

All pitrus on my father's side of the family

Father's parents :

XXX Grandfather and ALL pitrus on his side of the family starting from the "beginningless beginning of time", if ANY one of you have not "made it", please accept this pitru tarpanam and go INTO LIGHT and as you GO INTO LIGHT, please bless me & my family and also bless me so that I too may merge INTO LIGHT.

XXX Grandmother and ALL pitrus on her side of the family starting from the "beginningless beginning of time", if ANY one of you have not "made it", please accept this pitru tarpanam and go INTO LIGHT and as you GO INTO LIGHT, please bless me & my family and also bless me so that I too may merge INTO LIGHT.

{There was a time when I mentioned, by name, the last 3 generations of forefathers, but the above was 'the current version' of my pitru tharpanam offerings to include ALL of my forefathers}

I pour out the items in my hand to fall between the right hand index finger and thumb onto the plate below.


All pitrus on my mother's side of the family

Mother's parents: Same as above

Karunya tarpanam: {current version as of October 2011. The karunya tarpanam member's list keeps getting longer}

• All pitrus on my husband's side of the family { My in-laws are alive, so I omit their names} 

ALL pitrus on my father-in-law's side of the family starting from the "beginningless beginning of time", if ANY one of you have not "made it", please accept this karunya tarpanam and go INTO LIGHT and as you GO INTO LIGHT, please bless me & my family and also bless me so that I too may merge INTO LIGHT.

ALL pitrus on my mother-in-law's side of the family starting from the "beginningless beginning of time", if ANY one of you have not "made it", please accept this karunya tarpanam and go INTO LIGHT and as you GO INTO LIGHT, please bless me & my family and also bless me so that I too may merge INTO LIGHT.

{There was a time when I mentioned, by name, the last 3 generations of forefathers, but the above was 'current version' of my karunya tarpanam offerings to include ALL of my husband's forefathers}

• I mention the names of my college friends, cousins & neighbors who are no-more.
• My father's siblings, my mother's siblings, my father-in-law's siblings & my mother-in-law's siblings, if ANY one of you have not "made it", please accept this karunya tarpanam and go INTO LIGHT and as you GO INTO LIGHT, please bless me & my family and also bless me so that I too may merge INTO LIGHT.
• All those plants that gave up their life {e.g fruits, vegetables, grains etc} so that I may live, please accept this karunya tarpanam and go INTO LIGHT and as you GO INTO LIGHT, please bless me & my family and also bless me so that I too may merge INTO LIGHT.
• Whatever I did in the previous lifetimes to deserve the Naga dosham {someone said that I had it}, to deserve the Kaala Sarpa Yogam {someone said that I had it} and whatever I did to deserve the 'fault' of me being unable to conceive again, all those souls, please forgive me and please accept this karunya tarpanam and go INTO LIGHT and as you GO INTO LIGHT, please bless me & my family and also bless me so that I too may merge INTO LIGHT.
• Any forms of BRAHMAN that were related to me in the many previous lifetimes, any kind of relations - father, mother, grandfather, grandmother, son, daughter, husband, wife, uncle, aunt, son-in-law, daughter-in-law, grandson, granddaughter, friend, neighbor, guru, disciple etc - please accept this karunya tarpanam and go INTO LIGHT and as you GO INTO LIGHT, please bless me & my family and also bless me so that I too may merge INTO LIGHT.
• Uncle Pai – Editor of Amar Chitra Katha storybook….I have benefited a lot by your storybooks….So, even though you passed-away recently in February 2011 and it’s not yet been one year since you died, I still offer this karunya tarpanam to you….. Please accept this karunya tarpanam and go INTO LIGHT and as you GO INTO LIGHT, please bless me & my family and also bless me so that I too may merge INTO LIGHT.
• All those souls who have no one to offer tarpanam to them, please accept this karunya tarpanam and go INTO LIGHT and as you GO INTO LIGHT, please bless me & my family and also bless me so that I too may merge INTO LIGHT.
• All those souls who have family members but whose family members do not offer tarpanam to them, please accept this karunya tarpanam and go INTO LIGHT and as you GO INTO LIGHT, please bless me & my family and also bless me so that I too may merge INTO LIGHT.
• Incase I have forgotten someone, ANY forms of BRAHMAN, ALL forms of BRAHMAN in the 14 worlds, whoever you are, where-ever you are in the 14 worlds, please accept this karunya tarpanam and go INTO LIGHT...Realize that YOU ARE THAT ---- TAT TVAM ASI, you are THE ONE that you have been seeking..... And as you GO INTO LIGHT, please bless me & my family and also bless me so that I too may merge INTO LIGHT, so that I too may realize and practically experience BRAHMAN {this item added after I met Guruji online}

An inner voice: {Yes, there was commentary even as I was doing the tarpanam} Are you offering tarpanam to ALL in the 14 worlds?....Don't you know that the demons and rakshasas live in the regions below the earth??

Me: If my "final destination" is BRAHMAN, if the highest truth is that ALL IS ONE, then what does it matter who it is...All are the same....Didn't I read Guruji's words somewhere {I'm unable to find the link now Guruji, but it was a word document} that one can invoke all the goodness in the world into oneself or all the bad things in the world into oneself??... Now, during the online class, didn't someone ask Guruji about the location of chakras in animals and what did Guruji reply? Didn't he say that in monkeys there are 7 chakras in it's tail and in humans all those 7 lower chakras have been compressed to merge into the base Mooladhara chakra? I take it to mean that the 7 worlds below Earth are representative of the 7 chakras which are merged into the mooladhara chakra in humans...I don't know if I understood it right & if I misunderstood it, then it's YOUR fault BRAHMAN....On another note, don't the Upanishads say that "the microsome is a reflection of the macrosome"? If that is the case, then all the goodness and bad qualities that's OUT THERE is in me too.....And what are those demons and rakshasas if not the anger, pride, ego, jealously etc in me? No more fear Lalithamba...I've lived in fear enough....No more fear...Didn't that website say that before starting the practise of tantra, a student must ask himself/herself and I quote:

"Am I capable of UNCONDITIONAL LOVE?"

This is the ONLY form of "Unconditional love" that I am capable of Lalithamba --- to offer Karunya tarpanam to ALL forms of BRAHMAN in the 14 worlds......Moreover, I've offered whatever I'm going to do all to BRAHMAN....IT is responsible for all my actions....I did nothing.

  

And I said, "I repeat, ANY forms of BRAHMAN, ALL forms of BRAHMAN in the 14 worlds, whoever you are, where-ever you are in the 14 worlds, please accept this karunya tarpanam and go INTO LIGHT... Realize that YOU ARE THAT - TAT TVAM ASI, you are THE ONE that you have been seeking..... And as you GO INTO LIGHT, please bless me & my family and also bless me so that I too may merge INTO LIGHT, so that I too may realize and practically experience BRAHMAN...If there is such a thing as heaven and hell, may it be empty as all its occupants are ONE WITH LIGHT, whose occupants are IT.

I pour out the items in my hand to fall between the right hand index finger and thumb onto the plate below.

And I end the tarpanam by saying:

Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu - Whatever I've done so far, whatever is the merit obtained by doing the pitru and karunya tarpanam, I offer it all to BRAHMAN.

Om Tat Sat Brahmaarpanamastu.